No Complications
by heyamber
Summary: Bella and Edward, best friends for more than a decade, encounter a sudden change in their relationship when Edward becomes curious. When he asks for no complications, Bella agrees. The only thing is that it does get complicated.
1. Teaser

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Teaser 

**BPOV**

"Are you sure?" he asked, his lips hovering above mine. I swallowed hard before answering.

_Is this really happening right now?_

"I'm sure," I whispered, tightening my grip on two random bunches of hair at the base of his head.

He leaned in and kissed me lightly, lingering momentarily. "You know I don't do relationships. I can't be your boyfriend."

"I know," I said, my eyelids heavy as the feeling of his tender touches sent me on a high. I was on an Edward buzz and I wasn't coming down anytime soon.

"I just don't want it to get too…complicated," he said softly.

I nodded in agreement.

"No complications, no strings attached. Just us having fun," I confirmed, and he nipped at my lips once more. He groaned as I tightened my hold on him, simultaneously pulling me closer to him and further down the rabbit hole.

"No complications," he reiterated, our mouths stopping momentarily for him to speak the words.

In that moment, I had wholeheartedly given myself to someone I knew would never love me back. I knew I was screwed, but I'd pay the piper later. For the time being, I was getting exactly what I wanted.

Almost.


	2. Chapter 1

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 1

**BPOV – August 2013**

"Oh my God, hurry up, we're already so late," I whined as I plopped onto Edward's bed. He was rifling through his dresser for the perfect pair of pants.

"That's the point," he said, pulling on a pair of dark wash slim fit jeans.

I resisted the urge to groan and flopped back onto his mattress. He always did this; waited until the last minute to get ready and justified it by calling it "fashionably late".

"You realize this is a dinner party, right? There's no reason why you need to give this much thought to your outfit," I sat up to see him wearing a light grey sweater over a blue collared shirt with the dark wash jeans and a pair of brown boots. He reached over to shove a beanie onto his head and I have to admit that I was glad he'd taken so much time.

I said a silent prayer that I would be able to control myself around him tonight.

"Is this ok?" he asked, turning once.

I tried my best to nod nonchalantly, saying, "It'll do. Now let's go! Did you pick up the wine I asked you for?"

I bounded off the bed and I heard him follow me to the kitchen. I quickly found the article I had just mentioned sitting neatly in a tall clear bag, ready for toting.

I pulled the bottle out and examined the label.

"Perfect! Good boy," I patted him on the cheek good-naturedly and reached for my keys before I saw his hand shoot to the item first.

"B, stop it. You know the rules," he eyed me, taking the bottle to set on the kitchen table before holding my coat up. It was late August so it had started to get a bit cool in the evenings.

I let him help me into my jacket and grumbled, "Just because I know the rules doesn't mean I have to like them." He chuckled and pulled me closer by the lapels of my peacoat. I closed my eyes as I felt his lips kissing my forehead tenderly.

"I know, but me man. Take care of woman," he imitated as he made chest pounding motions. I looked up and pushed him away lightly, shoving the bottle of wine back into his hands.

"Let's go, caveman."

By the time we reached our friend Ben Cheney's house we were 45 minutes late.

"Look who decided to show up! It's literally a 5 minute drive and you're still the last ones here," he declared as he invited us inside his newly purchased home. Everyone cheered as we walked in and Edward took the sarcastic praise in stride, bowing to everyone.

I was less into being the center of attention. I merely blushed and handed the bottle of wine over to Ben's fiancé, Angela Weber, kissing her on both cheeks.

Ok scratch that; I hated being the center of attention. I'd known these people forever and I was still a little embarrassed.

I had met Ben and Angela in high school back in Forks. Theirs was a high school sweetheart love story. They'd known from the first moment they met that they'd spend the rest of their lives together. Now there were 7 months out from their wedding, living in their newly purchased home, definitely far more settled than I felt.

"This guy took forever to get dressed," I said, making my rounds of hugs to the people in the room.

"Ooh lala, finally coming to your senses huh, Edward?" Edward's twin sister, Alice Cullen, questioned, standing to give Edward a hug.

"Oh shut up," I started, but Edward merely played into the joke.

"She wouldn't let me out of bed," he "whispered" and the entire room erupted into whistles and catcalls.

I had to yell over everyone, "That's not true, everybody, he's joking! Nothing happened."

This earned a round of boos from the group. Besides myself and Edward, Ben and Angela had invited Alice, Jasper Hale, Rosalie Hale, and Emmett McCarty.

Jasper and Alice had met in college and started dating in their last year of school. When Alice came back, she brought Jasper with her, and he'd been a part of the family ever since.

I was happy for Alice. She had really needed someone at that point in her life, and Jasper was the perfect savior. He had helped bring her back to us, and that was something I would be forever grateful for.

Rosalie was Jasper's younger sister, who had moved to Washington with him to get away from their parents. She was two years younger than Edward, Alice and me. She had transferred to the University of Washington where she met Emmett, Edwards best guy friend from high school.

It's funny to think of the ties that connect you to another person. It really was a small world.

"You're the worst Bells, just go out with the guy already!" Jasper shouted and everyone started to cheer again. There was that strawberry blush, creeping up my face once more.

"She's got much better prospects than me, guys. Trust me, I would know. Besides, I don't date curly haired brunettes who can kick my ass," he made a quick movement to get out of my swinging range.

That didn't stop me. I attempted to hit him anyway but missed, letting him be.

"Edward, you'd be lucky to go out with Bella," Rosalie spoke up in a bit of a clipped tone, and I noticed Jasper put his hand on her leg as a warning to chill out.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't be, I'm just saying that it probably wouldn't work out. It would be like dating my sister. She's the closest person to me but I have to have a certain level of attraction to someone to date them. Sorry sis," Edward shot me a sarcastic smile and a little part of my heart ripped. He was flawless even when he was unknowingly insulting me.

Even though I knew he hadn't meant to hurt my feelings, he could still kind of be an asshole sometimes.

"You know you have an actual sister, right?" Alice remarked, arching an eyebrow and sporting a face that showed that she was not amused.

"I know, but I try my best pretend you don't exist," he joked, sticking his tongue at her.

"Maybe if you just dated Bella then you wouldn't have to worry about confusing yourself," she deadpanned.

"Can we not talk about this again, please? We're just friends," I said, and the room fell into a bit of an awkward silence.

Not one person in the room could deny that I was the exact opposite of a girl Edward would date. Alice and Rosalie had been trying to get him to catch on to my feelings but he remained oblivious. At times, it wore on me. Where I exuded love that went beyond reason for the man, Edward exuded just as much charm and sex appeal to every woman that wasn't me. Not to say that he didn't love me too, but pursuing a romance with me had just never seemed to concern him.

Over the years he'd turned into a bit of a womanizer and it was hard for me to watch. Giving him dating advice and being his wing woman was really hard for me, but I knew that revealing my true feelings meant pushing him away. I couldn't have that.

So I stood by his side as the faithful best friend. I'd rather have that part of him than nothing at all.

"Who's ready for dinner?" Angela asked as she stood to guide everyone to the table, diffusing the palpable tension that had taken hold of the room. Ben helped her table the food and we all began to serve ourselves.

"So how are the wedding plans coming along, love?" Alice questioned Angela.

Angela smiled ear to ear, "Everything's great! We're making some really good plans. Ben just found the DJ we're going to use and we have the invitations already picked out."

"The important question is when is the food tasting?" Emmett asked. "I need to be in on that."

I rolled my eyes, "God Emmett, it's a tasting not a dinner invitation. You can't go."

"Why not," Emmett pouted, "I'm in the wedding party, I should be there!"

"Hold on," Edward dropped his fork, "he's one of your groomsmen? What the hell, I thought I was going to be in the wedding!"

It was Ben's turn to roll his eyes, "Fuck off, Edward. You don't really want that. You can't commit to anything."

Edward held his heart in mock pain, "Right through the ticker."

"You can go to the tasting, Emmett," Angela smiled politely, placing a hand on his arm. He smiled with a mouthful of food and she recoiled, disgusted.

"Gross."

Edward ignored Angela and Emmett and spoke up again, "It's ok, groomsmen have to do too much work anyway. I need to focus on my real mission…"

"Um, celebrating our matrimony?" Angela asked sarcastically.

"Banging the hottest chick I can find." Edward flashed her a smile and the women at the table groaned.

"Gross," Angela repeated while Emmett, Edward, Jasper and Ben laughed and high fived each other. Angela shot Ben a glare and he looked ashamed as he lowered his hand slowly.

The lump that formed in my throat at his words seemed insurmountable.

I took in a deep breath to calm myself.

He could do whatever he pleased. _He doesn't belong to you._

That never made it hurt any less.

I stood up from the table quickly, "Sorry, restroom break. Excuse me." I dropped my napkin on the half empty plate in front of me and headed for the bathroom down the hall.

I didn't miss the way Alice and Rosalie exchanged a pained look.

I didn't want to pine after Edward like this. I hated the fact that he had so much control over me without even knowing it. The simplest little mention of exactly how he didn't see me in a romantic light was always a reminder of how I couldn't have what I wanted.

The first time I remembered having this feeling was at the beginning of our junior year of high school. I still mentally slap myself at the silliness of it all.

_"Hey Bells, I have a question for you," I heard Edward say, and looked up to see him standing between the two rows of books I was sitting between._

_"Step into my office," I smiled, pushing my school supplies aside, offering him a place to sit. He plopped down beside me and my stomach flipped as his body weight rested against mine._

_"Would you maybe, possibly want to go to the movies with me tonight?" he asked nervously, focusing his attention at a spot on the floor in front of where we were sitting._

_My breathing hitched. My dad had never let me go out with a boy alone, even if it was Edward. He always felt the need to remind me that I wasn't allowed until I was 16, much to my annoyance. My birthday was in less than a month but I still had a feeling he wouldn't make any exceptions. He was trying to squeeze out every last day of enforcement that he could._

_"I would really love to but I'm not allowed to go out with boys alone." I mumbled and blushed._

_"Well we wouldn't be alone. It's actually a double date. Leah and Jake would be going as well," he explained._

_"A date?" I felt the fire in my chest ignite at the same time I felt extremely dumb. Obviously he knew about my dad's rules. He wouldn't have asked if he hadn't already thought of it._

_"Yeah, a date. Movies, popcorn, maybe a slushy," he laughed, now focusing his attention on my still blushing face._

_"Well if it's a double date then sure! I'd be happy to accompany you. When are we going?"_

_"6:30 if that's ok with you. I figured everyone would want to catch an earlier show since it's a school night and everything."_

_I smiled and bumped his shoulder, "Sounds great. I'll be ready."_

_He bumped my shoulder back and left the library. I didn't see him again until that night at my house, when he'd come to pick me up at 5:45. I was an absolute bundle of nerves. This was my first double date, and date at that. I wanted it to be perfect._

_When we arrived we made comfortable small talk standing in line at the box office. Edward said something stupid and I punched him in the chest, causing us to both smile. He placed his hands on my shoulders and massaged playfully as we argued about what would be the better flick_.

_"Edward?" we heard someone call from behind us and both turned to see Jake, one of our classmates standing with a girl who I had never seen before but assumed to be Leah._

_"Perfect timing, guys. We're trying to decide what we want to see. Bella says _The Forgotten, _I say _Resident Evil_." Edward said, leaving me to extend a handshake to Jake before hugging Leah tightly._

_"Resident Evil," Leah and Jake said in unison._

_"Three against one, B. Sorry," he smirked, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him._

_"Oh, by the way," Edward spoke up again, "Bella this is Leah. Leah, my best friend Bella."_

_"So this is the famous Bella," Leah smiled, pulling me into a hug that was way too familiar of someone who I had just met. "Eddy has told me so much about you!"_

_"He has?" I asked, pulling away and arching my eyebrow at him. Leah went back to his side and he immediately wrapped his arm around her. She reached up and grabbed his hand over her shoulder, entwining their fingers._

_My eyebrows shot up as the realization hit me._

_Edward wasn't asking me out on a date, he was asking me to come with him to be someone else's date. Jake's date._

_Edward beamed, "Of course. I want my girlfriend and my best friend to get along. I had to give her some kind of warning."_

_Everyone laughed and I chuckled lightly, using my refocus of attention on Jake as the perfect excuse to look away from the happy couple standing before me._

_"Hi, Bella," Jake said, looking at me shyly._

_"Hi, Jake," I responded, pulling him into a hug. His chest was the perfect place to hide my embarrassment at my misunderstanding. Thinking back on it, Edward had never said that he wanted to go on a date with _me. _Could I technically be mad at him about it?_

_I was, and I spent the rest of the night keeping my distance from him. Not only did I feel like a fool, I also unknowingly agreed to a date with a guy that I would never have feelings for._

_The rest of the date went well, relatively speaking. Despite having to catch Edward and Leah making out during most of the movie, Jake's arm had taken permanent residence around the back of my chair. I felt like I was going to burst from anxiety. I hated having another guy's arms around me. I hated sharing my popcorn with him, I hated the fact that he asked for one straw in the slushy instead of two, and I hated that he thought we were really on a date._

_By the time everyone had said their goodbyes I was in a foul mood. I tried my best not to act moody with Jake and Leah. After all, they weren't the ones who had tricked me into this date. It was Edward, and he was the person my wrath was focused on._

_Any of his attempts to talk to me after we got in the car fell on deaf ears. I pretended to fall asleep on the way back to avoid talking to him. When he dropped me off he tried to walk me to my door but I brushed him off, saying that I didn't want him to have to leave the warm car._

_I remember spending the rest of that week on my own, making sure to avoid both Edward and Jake. Eventually I got over it. The longer Edward was with Leah the more I realized that I wanted him. It hurt that he didn't want me but I realized that I could live with it._

_Edward and Leah dated the rest of junior year. When he would come to me talking about their problems I would take comfort in the fact that even though they were together, they were far from perfect. After all the drama that inevitably comes with high school relationships, they had ended right before the summer started._

_My elation was only momentary. By the time we'd come back for our senior year, Jane had taken over his life. They were only together for a few months but in that span of time there had been a pregnancy scare and a run in with her parents that ended the relationship. Something about their daughter being cussed out by her high school boyfriend hadn't gone over well with them._

_Go figure._

_Turns out the baby wasn't even his. Big surprise there. I had warned him on more than one occasion to be wary of her, but it took her actual baby's father to come out and admit their shenanigans before Edward saw the light._

_And when he was heartbroken, none other than the faithful best friend was there to console him._

_The summer before college, the unthinkable happened. I was spending the weekend with Alice and Edward because their parents were out of town at a medical convention for his father, Carlisle. We spent the weekend as careless teenagers on the brink of adulthood, drinking in the last few moments of the carelessness that childhood provided._

I sighed, remembering how Alice and Edward's childhoods ended way before mine did_._

_It was a Saturday night that we got the news. We were all out at First Beach when Alice left to take a call on her cell._

_She came back crying and stammering, her words unintelligible._

_"Mom and dad," she managed to sputter out behind a waterfall of tears. I rushed to her side to try to figure out what she was talking about._

_"Car accident," she wailed and she collected her purse from the log we had just been occupying._

_"What do you mean, car accident?" Edward's voice broke as he ran after Alice, who was already running back to the car. When she dropped the keys in the sand and dropped to her knees to frantically look for them, I knew I'd better be the one to drive._

_I drove the three of us to their grandparent's house in Port Angeles. Carlisle and Esme had been hit by a drunk driver on their way back to Forks. Carlisle had been pronounced dead on the scene, and Esme was in critical condition._

_By the time we made it to the hospital with their family, it was too late._

_After the funeral, everything had changed. Alice was withdrawn and Edward thought that meant he needed to compensate by taking on an exuberant personality. Alice went off on scholarship to the University of Houston to get away from the painful reminders, and Edward stayed behind that year to help his grandparents close out the loose ends of his parents' lives._

_I offered to defer a year and stay with him, but he and my parents refused to let me._

_"It's not your responsibility to take care of me. You can't put your life on hold just because mine has fallen apart."_

_I reluctantly went off to Washington State, which was eight hours inland, but we always kept in close contact._

_By sophomore year, I could tell Edward was different. He had grown up so much in the past year that I hardly recognized who he was by the time he joined me at the university. Thankfully, he finally dropped his happy act, but when he came to terms with everything he became deeply depressed. Not only at the death of his parents, but the fact that he started college a year behind Alice and myself. He said it was a painful reminder as to why he hadn't gone off to school with the rest of us._

_He resented Alice for leaving him behind to handle things without her. Just as she was finally healing, he ripped her apart again._

_The first time I had spoken to her since college started was when she called me to ask me for advice. When I agreed with Edward that it seemed a little selfish to leave him in Forks, she got pissed out. I hadn't meant to take sides, but in making my observations I had angered her. I didn't hear from her again until after graduation._

_Between the parade of women he brought around to the late nights he'd spend partying and drinking, Edward had gone completely off the deep end. I tried my best to help him, but managing his mental health went way beyond my paygrade. As much as I pleaded with him, he ignored me and even got upset to the point where he'd lash out, throwing tantrums and refusing to speak to me for days on end. Those were always the worst times._

_In spring semester I finally convinced him to get help. His severe mood swings had caused me to recoil at his touch, unsure if he'd pull me in and cling to me desperately, or push me away and call me a bitch._

_The fact that I didn't feel comfortable around him prompted him to bargain with me. He agreed to get help if I promised to be his best friend again. Both were things I wanted, so I agreed._

_When my graduation rolled around a couple of years later, I was offered a position with the company I'd completed my Public Relations internship with, Grey Leaf. When Edward graduate the next year, he found a position with a web design company and moved to Seattle. _

_Everything worked out perfectly. We would face the city side by side, just like we'd always hoped._


	3. Chapter 2

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 2:

**BPOV**

I had been sitting on the bed of the guest room for a few minutes when I heard a knock on the door frame.

"Can I come in?" she asked lightly.

"Not right now, Rose, I'm not in the mood for a lecture," I said, focusing on my hands in my lap.

Rosalie crossed the room I felt the bed dip beside me.

"He's an asshole, B."

"He's not an asshole, he's just being honest. He can do what he wants," I reasoned. "We're not together, he's allowed to say those things. If he wants to fuck every bimbo from here to Timbuktu he can."

Rosalie sighed, placing her arms over my shoulders and pulling me in for a hug.

"Just because he can doesn't mean he should. You let him walk all over you, B. We accept the love we think we deserve and you definitely don't deserve that."

Tears pricked my eyes again as I looked at Rosalie.

"He doesn't walk all over me, Ro. And I can't help it, he's got this hold over me. Every time I tell myself I'm going to get over him he does something to pull me back in. Like last week when I was on my period he brought me tampons and brownies," I laughed lowly. "Then we sat on the couch and watched A Walk to Remember and he let me cry all over him. It was really sweet."

"I thought he went out with Eric that night," Rosalie said.

"He did. After he left my house he met up with Eric and they went to some bar downtown," I mumbled, never looking up from my hands.

"Wait isn't that the night they set up that double date?"

I winced, "I guess. I don't really know."

"Liar."

"What the hell, Rose?" my mouth gaped at her words.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself. Either tell him how you feel or stop making yourself so available. You can't let him be at your house acting all involved and then let him waltz right into another girls bed."

"He never said he hooked up with the girl!" I protested.

Rosalie shot me a disappointed face, "So you really think he just went out with this girl and had drinks and didn't try to sleep with her? This is Edward we're talking about, of course they hooked up."

"Well whatever they did, I don't want to know about it. It's none of my business," I sighed, wiping the tears that had fallen to my cheeks.

Rosalie hugged me again and said, "You're amazing and any guy would be lucky to have you, babe."

"Yeah, just not the one I want."

Rosalie gave my shoulders one last squeeze before saying "Come out whenever you're ready. I'll try to hold off on dessert for a bit so you don't miss out on the cheesecake I baked," she teased, leaving me alone in the quiet bedroom.

When I finally reemerged Edward's eyes immediately caught mine. He gave me a questioning look and I waved him off. I was not in the mood to explain this to him.

I resumed my seat across the table from him and refused to make eye contact throughout the rest of dinner. I tried my best to pick at the food and make normal conversation, and when everyone had finished eating I offered to clear the dishes and grab the dessert from the fridge.

"I'll help!" Edward offered, jumping up from the table to grab the dishes from my hands that I'd already collected. I handed the plates over silently and set my attention to the rest of the spread.

When I walked into the kitchen I saw him leaning against the sink waiting for me.

"Is that it?" he asked, trying to catch my eye.

"That's everything," I confirmed, placing the stack of flatware in the sink. "Would you mind grabbing the cheesecake?"

"Sure," he drawled, going to pull the dessert from the fridge. He placed it on the counter in front of me while I grabbed a knife.

"Everything ok?" he asked, coming to stand shoulder to shoulder with me.

"Yep," I replied coolly. Being this close to him always gave me butterflies and made my stomach do funny things, but at the moment I wasn't concentrating on any of that.

"You hardly touched your dinner," he observed aloud.

I merely shrugged, "I wasn't super hungry."

He nudged my arm with his, "Ohh come on, tell me what's up. "

"Nothing's up," I stated, starting to plate the servings of cheesecake.

"Then why won't you look at me?" he asked knowingly. When I came back from the bathroom I'm sure he could tell that I was a little off. While we were eating he nudged my knees with his foot, trying to get me to look his way.

I didn't look, but that's because I still wasn't ready to face his beautiful features as they told me what a great friend I was.

I was about to speak up when Ben interrupted us. "Hey did you see where Ang put that bottle of wine you brought?" He went to the cabinet to pull out glasses for everyone.

"Oh I think she might have put it away already," I said, pointing to the wine fridge.

"Great. You guys want a glass?" he questioned.

"Sure," Edward said at the same time I said "no thanks".

"I'm actually not feeling that great so I think I'll head home," I elaborated, handing Edward a few of the plates of cheesecake plates before taking some myself.

"You're leaving? How are you getting home?" Edward challenged. We had taken his car to Ben's house.

I shrugged casually and brought the plates out to the living room where everyone was just starting a round of Cards Against Humanity.

"Ooh, thank you!" Alice cooed, pulling her plate from my hand.

"You're very welcome," I chuckled at her enthusiasm.

"Oh Edward, since you're up can you grab us some forks?" Emmett asked.

"And the bottle opener! We put it in one of the drawers but I don't remember which one," Angela added.

"No problem," he said, heading back into the kitchen.

When I'd finished dropping off everyone's plates I decided to announce my departure. I had to do it while Edward was gone or else I know he'd tell everyone he was leaving as well. I needed this time away from him, though. I needed time to just wallow in my sadness without having to put up a front for him.

"Thank you for everything Ang, it was lovely as usual. Ben, let me know when you get the word on the Marx client, yeah?" I leaned down to hug the couple simultaneously before focusing my attention to Alice and Rosalie.

"Lunch tomorrow, ladies?" I leaned in to hug the both of them as well and they both agreed they'd meet at the café across from my office building the next day.

I finally reached Emmett and Jasper and fist bumped them both before yelling one more general goodbye to everyone and heading out the door, purse and jacket in hand. Edward's apartment was only a few blocks away but I had a feeling that even that time alone wouldn't be long enough.

Twenty minutes later I had picked up my car and I was back in my apartment getting ready for bed. It was only 8:45 and I was ready to call it a night, but I had a spare bottle of wine Edward bought and a DVR full of The Mindy Project. I was in for the night and I owned that shit.

It was around 9:30 when I heard the jingle of keys in the door and I groaned. I was still not in the mood to deal with him. I snuggled down into my sea of pillows and blankets with every intention of ignoring Edward. Not only did he hurt my feelings tonight but he used his key copy to intrude on my sacred Mindy Project time.

"B?" he started slowly, pushing the bedroom door open to reveal his 6'2 frame standing in the doorway.

I stared quietly at the TV, ignoring him, and then I heard him sigh. I also heard the sound of keys dropping on my bedside table.

"I know you're not asleep," he said.

I rolled my eyes and stared blankly at the TV, acting as if I were refusing to give him the time of day, when in reality I always wanted his attention.

He walked around the bed and knelt on the floor in front of me.

"You're blocking the TV," I protested lowly.

"Tough shit," he bit back, using the remote from the bedside table to turn off the TV.

"Stoooppppp," I protested, sitting up and reaching for the remote.

Edward lightly tossed the object on the TV stand behind him and returned his attention to me.

"Not until you talk to me," he demanded. "You haven't said anything to me all night. What gives?"

I refocused my attention and made eye contact with him for the first time since dinner started.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said, looking innocently up at him, hoping he wouldn't push me any further.

"Is it about me?"

I didn't give him any indication that it was or wasn't about him. Even though it totally was, and he knew it.

"B you have to tell me. How can I apologize when I fuck up if you don't let me know?" he reasoned, his words muffled because his head was buried in the mattress.

"I'm a girl, I'm allowed to make you suffer and pretend that you'll figure it out on your own," I whined, turning over and burrowing deeper into the covers.

"Fine," he said, and I heard a rustle of movement behind me. "If you won't come out then you're going to force me to come in."

He had stripped down to his boxers and was pulling back the covers to take the spot beside me.

I didn't move as I felt the bed dip. He switched off the bedside lamp and scooted closer to me. He always did this. Whenever I was upset with him he pretty much went all "Occupy Bella", suffocating me with his presence until I was compelled to tell him what was wrong.

He threw his arm over my body and I felt the familiar tingle at the bottom of my stomach despite myself. The man had an effect on me, there was no denying that. I always unraveled as soon as he touched me.

He rested his chin on my shoulder and rubbed my relatively flat stomach with his hands. The skin jumped at his touch and I closed my eyes, willing myself to calm down. It was impossible to ignore him when he was this close to me.

"Please talk to me," he begged, pulling me closer into his hard form.

I sighed before asking, "Can we just drop it? I'm over it. It's not even your fault, I'm just in a bad mood."

I had to admit that I ha mood swings every once in awhile. Well, to everyone else they looked like mood swings. I knew that they were really just a result of me beating myself up about Edward.

Edward buried his face in my neck and whined, "No, don't do that. You always bottle it up when you're mad at me. You're supposed to tell me everything, it's in the best friends handbook."

I squealed at the sensation of his facial hair rubbing against my neck.

"Your beard is tickling me, stop!"

He rubbed his face a little more vigorously into the crook of my neck and I laughed, turning over to push him as far away from that area as I could. When I turned to face him he was smiling.

"There she is," he said tenderly and I smiled back at him slightly, despite myself.

"I don't like you," I said stubbornly.

He laughed, "I know. You love me."

"I do," I said slowly, those words carrying more weight than he knew.

"And I love you too," he affirmed, bopping me on the nose with his finger.

I scrunched my face and shook my head, urging myself not to fall for his charms. This shit got me in trouble every time.

"Since you won't tell me what you're mad about can you at least forgive me for whatever the hell it was that I did to piss you off tonight?" he asked innocently, propping his head up on his hand. After a moment I nodded silently and leaned in to hug him.

"Don't I always?"

"You do and that's why you're my number one," he said, hugging me back. "Now, about these TV choices. They're questionable at best."

"Hey!" I shouted, slapping him on the arm and he pretended to shy away from me.

"What? I can't help that you don't have good taste. We need to be watching a classic on a night like this, like The Godfather or something."

I rolled my eyes, "Absolutely not. We put up with the classics at your house but my house is light and fun, so we'll at least have to watch something funny. Besides, I don't remember inviting you to watch anything with me," I huffed, pushing the covers back. I walked out of the room wordlessly and Edward followed suit, scooting out of the bed as well.

"Fine, I'll choose something in between. A classic comedy perhaps?" he went over to the DVD collection.

The apartment was silent for a few minutes before he yelled, "Damn we have to make it a point to hit up Best Buy tomorrow. You need some more options, Swan."

"How about we skip the movie? We haven't finished Parks and Rec yet!" I yelled from the bathroom down the hall.

"Oh yeah," he shouted, the sound of his feet thumping to my office to grab my laptop echoing through the apartment.

When I found Edward again he had arranged our normal setup: laptop on the bed with every pillow I owned stacked against the headboard.

"Would you like a drink?" I asked mischievously, raising one eyebrow slightly.

Edward eyeballed me before realizing what I was saying.

"Oh no B, I can't. Not tonight. The shit you make always gets me drunk off my ass. It's Thursday for crying out loud, I have to be at work tomorrow," he pleaded, but I just continued to smile.

"Oh come on, I've gotten so much better at making my concoctions. I won't mix _that _much. I found this new website and they show you how to mix stuff and it's great. Trust me," I ran out the room again and Edward shouted for me to quiet down all the sounds of glasses and bottle clinking together.

After making a few of my new recipes I returned to my bedroom with a tray of 6 shot glasses, all mixed with different alcoholic beverages. Back in my sophomore year of college I practiced mixing drinks to become familiar with each brand so as not to look like a newb when I would go out. Edward would be my guinea pig but most of the time we just ended up sick. He had yet to let those unfavorable memories go.

"Dear God," Edward said in an astonished voice. "What have you done?"

I smiled mischievously and handed him his first shot.

"Bottoms up!"

Edward grimaced as he downed the first mix but found out it was surprisingly good. "Jager mixed with malibu and pineapple juice" I exclaimed. "Not too bad, huh?"

"Not bad at all. You're taking the next one." He selected a bright green shot and handed it to me.

"Oh this one's good, its called The Irish Trash Can," I said, throwing it back. "Curacao, vodka, gin, triple sec, rum, peach schnapps and Redbull. I made one for you too."

I handed him the second Irish Trash Can and he downed it as well.

"Not a fan, what's next? By the way, don't ever tell me that I don't love you. Only a crazy person would seriously sit here and try this." Edward grumbled, reaching for a pair of double shot glasses that looked similar.

"I know, thank yooooouuuu," I smiled at him before explaining the next drink. "Ok this one is….triple sec, orange juice and cherry vodka."

"Where the fuck do you get cherry vodka?" he mused, tipping his head back and finishing off the shot. I drank mine as well and I could see he was waiting for my response.

"Leftover from a party we had at work. No one wanted it so I took it. This is the first time I've ever used it! I have to admit its pretty good. What do you think?" I questioned him.

He held his stomach, "Just the thought of mixing all of these is starting to make me queasy."

"Pussy," I teased, handing him one final double shot glass.

"Last one."

He sighed before downing the shot and a few seconds later he coughed slightly.

I laughed evilly, "Double shot of 1800."

"A little warning would've been nice," he glared at me. "You know I hate taking straight shots, they're terrible."

I threw my head back and laughed harder, "I know, that's why I poured it. I don't understand what it is with you and your cocktails."

"They're delicious and you can enjoy them without getting too fucked up. Same goes for beer, but straight liquor is a different story."

I shook my head in disapproval at him, "You are such a wimp. How did I end up with you as my drinking partner? I swore I trained you so much better than this."

He flipped me the bird in response.

Half an hour later I was tipsy and Edward was…loose.

"God, your tits are huge," Edward observed as we battled each other in Wii tennis.

"EDWARD!" I exclaimed, trying to cover my breasts with one hand and swing the controller with the other.

"I'm just saying, I can't ignore them. That's what happens when you play a game and don't wear a bra," he explained, as if it were scientific theory.

"Fuck off, I'm in my own damn house. If you don't want to see them then go home!" I swung and my mii spun a speeding ball past Edward's character's head, effectively ending the game.

"Damn," he muttered at his defeat, tossing the controller on the couch. "I didn't say I didn't want to see them."

The butterflies that had been a permanent fixture in my stomach for more than a decade started to flutter. I examined his face for any sign of joking but he was as serious as a heart attack. He gulped and glanced back down at my chest.

"I can see your nipples," he said gravely. After a beat of silence we both burst out into laughter.

"Why do you sound so upset about it?" I asked, giggling uncontrollably.

Edward caught his breath before replying, "Because I've never seen them before."

I glanced down at my chest, and my nipples were definitely making an appearance. The fact that Edward was talking about them didn't make it any easier for me. Even the slightest thought of Edward being associated with my nipples made them go a little bit harder. "They're just normal nipples," I explained. Normally by now I would have died of embarrassment, but those shots have given me a boost of courage.

"They're not. As weird as this sounds they actually look kind of…perfect. And trust me, I would know. I've seen more than my fair share." He breathed.

If there was anything that would slow my arousal, that was it. The mention of other girls he'd been with had definitely killed my sexy mood.

"Right," I said as I cleared my throat. "Parks and Rec?"

He nodded enthusiastically and followed me into my bedroom.

Edward grabbed for one of the forgotten cookies I had been eating when I first got home (Oreos dipped in peanut butter) and sat on the edge of the bed. I flopped onto the bed stomach first and caught Edward off guard. He hadn't had a stable grip on the cookie so the movement made him drop it on the floor, peanut butter side down.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I could hardly hear Edward screamed in agony over my hysterical laughter.

"Calm down, you're so dramatic! You're such a light weight; you're more tipsy than I am," I accused him playfully.

"Yeah because you poured me that extra double shot. I'm gonna feel like shit in the morning," he grumbled, forgetting the cookie and plopping himself down next to me.

I turned my head to look at him and moved a piece of hair out of his face. He caught my hand in his and kissed the bruised knuckles lightly.

"How does you hand feel?" he asked, surveying the damage I'd done to myself. Earlier when we were playing Wii I got a little excited and banged my hand roughly against the wall on accident.

I shrugged, "It's not bad. Your kisses made it all better."

My cheeks flamed at the words that came out of my mouth. Despite me whispering that last sentence he had heard me and pulled me to him to kiss the top of my head. He missed and the kissed landed somewhere between my eyes.

"Oops," he laughed and closed his eyes, "sorry. My aim is off once I've had shots."

I reveled in his touch and slightly shuddered. Every little touch from him sent me into over drive. His lips on my forehead were heaven and hell all at the same time. I loved to be enveloped by him but I hated that he could touch me so platonically when I knew that I wanted more. He had no idea that I had feelings for him so I lied to keep the peace, but deep down I knew that one day I would have to grow a pair and tell him how I felt.

For the time being, it was hard to breathe when he was that close.


	4. Chapter 3

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 3:

**EPOV**

Bella pulled herself up and righted the bed as I pushed myself back into my original position against the stack of pillows. As I munched on the cookies (Bella said she was a bit too nauseous to stomach them at this point) we finished an episode of Parks & Rec before I realized how far away she was sitting.

She was perched on the end of the bed, probably in an effort to keep her distance from me. I'd been pretty much ogling her chest all night so she put on my damn sweatshirt and sat as far away as possible. I cursed the offending article of clothing, regretting the day I left it here accidentally.

"Can you move back a little? Jeez, you're as stiff as a board," I asked as I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt in an attempt to get her closer to me. I knew that I was up to no good, but against my better judgment, I pulled her closer anyway.

As I slung my arm around her I found it difficult to concentrate on the show. When I threw my arm over her shoulder she stopped breathing. My fingers were drawing light circles on her stomach, right below her breast. I purposely let my wrist brush against her taut nipples and I swear I could hear her whimper.

Maybe I imagined that.

Either way, even in my inebriated state I could tell that something was different.

As I began letting my hands explore, I knew I was in trouble. Ignoring the characters talking animatedly on the computer screen, I chanced a glance her way.

She must have seen me turn my head because she looked over at me.

"Yes?" she drawled, and I caught her eyes move from my eyes to my lips and back again.

"Nothing," I whispered mischievously, using the arm I'd slung around her to pull her into my chest. I rested my head on hers and sighed, trying to distract her from the movie.

Just as I'd finally felt her breathing hit a steady rhythm, I placed my lips at the top of hear head. Her hair smelled like some fruity shampoo I couldn't exactly put my finger on. Last time I was in her shower I remember having to use it and how it caused me to smell like a chick for two fucking days.

"B," I began, "do you ever think about what it would be like if we had ever been together. You know, like, dated?"

I gulped, nervous to hear her answer. For some reason, this question had been on my mind a lot tonight. Ever since our friends had teased and suggested about it at dinner, I couldn't stop thinking about it.

She looked as if she were contemplating her answer before she said it.

"Once or twice."

I continued speaking into her hair, "So why didn't we ever try it out? I figure that after 12 years of being friends we would've explored that facet of our relationship by now. I mean, everyone always brings it up constantly."

"Well…I guess I just always knew that you'd never see me that way. You always talk about how I'm like your sister and you don't like me like that and blah blah blah."

I pulled back to look down at her. "What do you mean?"

Bella pushed herself into an upright position, staring back at me.

"Well it doesn't really seem like I'm your type, Edward. I've seen the girls you date. You go for the girly girl, with the cloud of pink following her wherever she goes."

"That's not true, " I defended myself.

She raised an eyebrow playfully, "Oh really? Remember Lauren, winter of 2010? I swear I've never met anyone who scheduled so many nail appointments in one week. Or Irina – "

"Ok, she was athletic," I threw my hands up in defense.

"I would hardly call competitive shopping a sport."

I glared at her, "Well, you never saw her in action. Ask the girl to find a turtle neck in the middle of summer and she'd find it for you. You know, she's the one who found your birthday present."

I thought back to the peacock charm necklace I had bought her for her twenty-second birthday. She had first seen it at a jewelry kiosk at an open air mall in southern California and had never been able to find anything similar to it. Irina had found it for me. I had to admit, the girl was good. Bella had admitted that Irina was her favorite of all my past conquests. She was one of the few I had even bothered to introduce to Bella; she either met them accidentally or I ended things before I had a reason to make introductions.

She shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head to the side. "Why did you two break up, anyway? You never did tell me."

I made a face of mock confusion and said, "Hell if I know."

That seemed to placate Bella for the time being and I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. I had never wanted to let Bella know that she was the reason we had broken up. As usual, my "girlfriend" was jealous of my relationship with Bella. Every girl I saw was jealous of my relationship with her, and I could understand why. When it came down to it, she had been the one constant friend I'd had. Through everything with my parents and college and my recovery, she'd stuck by me. Even when my own sister had abandoned me, Bella and I had stayed thick as thieves.

I figured I'd have to come clean at some point but today was not that day. I couldn't inflate her head beyond its current proportions.

"Anyway, back to my point. I'm not like the girls you date. I'm not all dainty and froo froo and my hair isn't pin straight and I couldn't manicure my right hand to save my life," she laughed, and I smiled in return.

"B, have you seen yourself? You have no idea how many guys I've had to threaten to get them to back off of you." I chuckled lightly and didn't notice that Bella was now staring at me with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"What what?" I asked, playing dumb.

She sighed, "You have to threaten guys to get them to back off? Why would you do that?"

I shrugged again and looked down at my hands. "I don't know, B, it's not a big deal. I just shove 'em once or twice and tell 'em to take a hike."

Bella found her way to her knees and knelt on the bed.

"You mean to tell me that those guys haven't called me back because _you've been scaring them off?"_

"Get a grip, B, those guys were no good for you." I dismissed her outburst.

"You being the reason I haven't had a date in over a year is kind of a big deal, Edward" she huffed. "I'm starting to have self-esteem issues thinking that I'm not even good enough for these meat head guys I meet. Come to find out you've pretty much rigged my whole love life!" she exclaimed, punching me in the arm.

I put my hands up to defend myself from her attack. "Maybe I just want you all to myself. I need a wing-woman to help me pick up chicks and I can't do that if you're pre-occupied with some dude," I laughed and caught her arm. She struggled against me to release her arm but I wasn't budging.

This playful gesture naturally escalated into an all out WWE match. Between noogie attempts and playful karate chops she threw at me we rough housed for a few minutes. Just when I eased up because I thought I'd worn her down, she got the better of me and managed to gain a new position on top of me, straddling my waist with my arms crossed over my body.

Not that I'd really ever thought about Bella in a sexual way, but her sitting on top of me like this brought on a whole new world of dirty thoughts to my head. I avoided shifting positions beneath her to prevent her from feeling the effect she had on me.

"You're a terrible wrestler," I laughed, uncrossing my arms with ease. She pouted, still on top of me and poked me on the stomach.

"I managed to gain the advantage, didn't I?"

I rolled my eyes. "Only because I let you, Swan. Get your facts straight." With little effort I pulled myself into a sitting position and wrapped my arms around her waist, We were now chest to chest, and this did nothing to dim the thoughts running through my head about this girl.

I'd always thought she was attractive, but I never let myself consider her a pursuable option. She was always just Bella, my dorky second sister who would follow me around. Until high school that is, when she admittedly blossomed into this gorgeous creature that caught the attention of every guy in town. On top of having to steer guys away from my sister I had to keep them away from Bella too!

At least I did, up until I started having drama with Leah junior year. And then there was Jane, the thorn in my side in our senior year.

And then my parents died, so protecting Alice and Bella from guys became the least of my worries.

By the time I'd come to terms with all those things in my life, I was in college and I was totally disenchanted with relationships. I lost a grip on myself and having to explain that to females was always a headache. Everyone always wanted more from me, and I couldn't give it to them. After three failed attempts at normal relationships, I decided that romance would always be about pleasure, never companionship.

That's what Bella was for. Girls had always been too much drama for me, and I promised myself that I would never again subject myself to the hassle. While she was the best friend I cold have ever asked for, dating Bella would have been a totally different story. I swore that I would never mix the two, romance and companionship. So I kept them separate. I had my women on one side and I had Bella on the other to balance everything out.

And she did; she was always so good at balancing me out.

She had been there for me through everything, and trying to push our friendship into relationship territory always seemed way too challenging, so I never let the thought cross my mind again. I needed her, and her unwavering friendship was the best I would ever let myself do.

Besides, there had been a time when I treated her like complete shit. Despite all of that, she never gave up on me. I promised when I got better than I would never make her feel like that again, and I had the tendency to treat my love interests with little care.

I shook myself from my thought when Bella began to squirm in my lap. It seemed as if Bella had suddenly understood the proximity of our bodies and realized the position we were in. As she moved to get off of me I held her in place. She looked into my eyes and I saw that ever present light blush spread across her cheeks.

Before I could catch myself, words were spilling out of my mouth.

"You're perfect, you know that? Any guy would be lucky to have you," I said sincerely, moving my hand from her hips to her arms.

She nodded and gave me a half smile that I returned with ease.

"Thanks. I mean I'm totally comfortable with myself but being surrounded by all these Barbie doll girls can be a little deflating for my confidence," she explained, pushing a stray strand of hair out of my face.

I watched as she touched me so tenderly and I wondered why I could tell her that any guy would be lucky to have her when I hadn't even tried to pursue her before.

_It would be too complicated, _I thought, but as I returned the favor of moving hair out of her face, I couldn't help but notice how her breathing hitched as I let my fingers get lost in the dark, curly mass.

Noticing my change in movements Bella let her hand drop to my wrists. I couldn't figure out her expression. Her eyes were darting between my mouth and my eyes and I couldn't help but mimic the same motion.

With only a few inches between us I instantly felt the air thicken. I pulled her closer as stared at her lips, my mouth hovering over hers.

One little test kiss wouldn't hurt.

She looked like she was too afraid to make a move, so I leaned forward and made the first contact. When our lips touched I saw her eyes flutter closed.

I pressed my mouth to hers tentatively for a few second before she began to respond. She leaned further into me and that gave me the confirmation I needed to continue. I leaned into her and deepened the kiss, letting my mouth move more freely over hers. Without even realizing it, I had let my tongue touch her bottom lip and she immediately granted me access, letting me taste her for the first time.

My arms dropped back to her waist, pulling her closer while her arms found their way around my neck. Before long she was tugging on my shirt, prompting me to remove the pesky article. I obliged her happily, briefly breaking the kiss.

My hands quickly followed suit and I started to pull up the sweatshirt and shirt she had on. I realized the step I was taking and made it a point to keep my eyes trained on hers.

"You can look," she blushed, urging me on.

I swallowed hard before beholding her. Just as I had suspected earlier, her tits were these perfectly perky, smooth mounds. I pushed my luck and leaned down to kiss her collarbone, working my way down to the top of her left breast. She let her head fall back as I placed feather light kisses over her chest.

I couldn't believe that we were in this position. Just moments ago we were fully clothed watching Parks and Rec, and now she was urging me to touch her. I heard her sigh and I made my way back to her mouth. I tentatively reached a hand up to grip one of her breasts and she jumped slightly.

I moved my hands away as quickly as if they'd been burned. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to assume. I don't want to push you – "

"No its fine!" She let her head drop to my shoulder and took a deep breath. "I want to, trust me, I'm just nervous."

I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her even tighter to me.

"What do you have to be nervous about? It's just me." I explained, putting on a braver voice than I felt. Truth be told, I was probably more nervous than she was.

"I know but it's because its you that makes me so nervous," she mumbled into my skin.

I moved my shoulder to nudge her head up. Once I finally got her to look me in the eyes I said, "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do, B."

She bit her lip then leaned back in to kiss me. "We're not doing anything I don't want to do."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she looked at me boldly, daring me to ask her again.

I leaned in and kissed her lightly, lingering momentarily. "You know I don't do relationships. I can't be your boyfriend."

"I know," she said as she looked at me with doe eyes underneath these long ass lashes.

"I just don't want it to get too…complicated," I said softly, running my hands up and down her back.

She nodded in agreement.

"No complications, no strings attached. Just us having fun," she confirmed, nipping at my lips once more. I groaned as she tightened her hold on me.

"No complications," I reiterated, our mouths stopping momentarily for me to speak the words.


	5. Chapter 4

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 4:

**BPOV**

I woke up the next morning to a sight I could grow used to seeing; a naked Edward sleeping soundly in the bed beside me. I smiled widely as I turned to face him. His mouth hung open slightly but he was gorgeous nonetheless. I snuggled closer to him to let myself enjoy the last few moments of this early morning bliss.

I can't believe that I actually slept with Edward last night. All those years of sitting by as he pursued every silicone slut under the sun had conditioned me to believe it would never happen. I'd spent the past few years consciously trying to break whatever spell he'd had over me. I should have known that all it would take was one look to weaken my resolve.

I can't say that I regretted it, though.

Edward began to stir in his sleep and I couldn't help but giggle at how adorable he was. His morning struggle to open his eyes began. He blinked a few times before his eyes finally focused on me.

"Good morning sunshine," he said roughly, his voice still thick with sleep.

I acknowledged his greeting with a head nod and ran my entire hand over his face roughly. He squirmed away and rolled over on the bed, making a shout of protest.

"It's too early for that woman, have some decency!"

I laughed heartily and noticed the way he had seemed to stiffen slightly as he saw random articles of his clothing hanging over my desk chair a few feet away.

"What the hell…." He murmured to himself, and I felt the blood rush from my face.

_He didn't remember._

_He was speechless._

"Hey," I called to him in an effort to diffuse the situation before it turned ugly for me. He turned over to face me and I continued, "It's kind of weird right? You know, that we...slept together. I get it if you don't want to talk about it. We've never done that before and it can be awkward to talk about stuff like this after it happens. Especially since we're best friends and you don't even see me like that…"

I heard myself ramble on nervously and I hated the fact that he wouldn't say something to make me less nervous. To be honest, he looked a little nervous himself, but he did something that totally caught me off guard.

He pulled me closer and kissed me lightly, much like he did last night.

That shut me up.

He kissed me again, a little deeper this time, and I could tell he was being careful not to expose me to his morning breath. He had always been so weird about it.

"B, don't worry about it. Let's not talk about it. Let's just…figure it out as we go."

I bit my lip and smiled at him, "Ok. Figure it out as we go," I repeated, pulling him in for another kiss.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Even though she was my best friend I had to giver her props. She was a great kisser, and I pretty much lost all thoughts about my morning breath as she scooted closer to me, like she trying to get every inch of her skin on mine. I delved deeper into her mouth, our tongues battling for dominance.

I placed a hand on her hip and pulled her as close as she could possibly get to me. I'm sure she could feel me erection growing against her stomach because I sure as hell wasn't trying to hide it.

If there was one thing I was proud of in this world, it was my dick.

She moved her hand down to grab my shaft and I couldn't help that my hips bucked slightly.

"Sorry," I said breathily, "cold hands."

She smiled sheepishly and replied, "Sorry," before replacing her hand.

She gripped my growing member firmly and began to stroke it with her hand. I groaned and in one fluid motion had grabbed her leg and pulled her on top of me, switching positions to lie on my back.

She sat up on top of me and focused her attention on my penis. Her eyes grew a little wide and she said "There's no way that's fitting inside of me."

I chuckled, "We didn't have any problems last night."

She blushed, and like me, I'm sure she was remembering how bold she had been with me last night. If it were any other stranger I'm sure it would've been fine, but us seeing each other like this suddenly made her shy. To keep her from succumbing to her shyness, I let my hands roam her breasts again. She moaned and let her head fall back. I liked the way playing with her nipples could get such a reaction from her. Sure they were only her nipples but they were sensitive and it made it really easy to please her.

"Your boobs are perfect," I said, focusing all of my attention on them. I guess my words encouraged her because she leaned forward to kiss me fully. I took this opportunity to grab her ass with both hands and spread her open to take me.

She gasped in surprise as she felt this tip of my cock poke her opening slightly. She moved her hips to align our centers and I took no time to slide into her. We moaned simultaneously and I pushed away the memory of her having the same reaction last night.

I wanted to be in the moment.

I kept my hands on her ass as I moved my hips up to thrust into her. She moaned loudly into my ear and that egged me on further.

She was whimpering at my ministrations, her noises giving me all the energy I needed to continue. She pushed herself up slightly, slowing my movement, and took control, rocking her hips back and forth. I let my head drop on the pillow, a sound of bliss escaping my lips before I even registered it was coming out of me.

My grip on her hips tightened as she increased her speed. I really didn't think I'd be able to take anymore.

She grabbed both of my hands and intertwined our fingers, using my arms to stabilize herself enough to slide up and down my length.

"Holy shit," I breathed, trying my best to keep nature from taking over and moving my hips against my will.

The sight of her bouncing on top of me was enough to almost make me come right there. I could see her take me all the way in and I felt proud that my girl could do that.

_My girl? What the hell?_ I thought to myself.

I didn't have time to think any further on it because she had increased her speed, and I barely had time to blink before I felt myself release. "Fuck!" I cried out, and she stopped her movements and leaned forward on me, our bare chests touching.

We each took a moment to catch our breath and I felt her sprinkle tiny little kisses on my chest.

"Holy shit," I repeated, "you're fucking amazing at this."

I felt her body shake with laughter.

I continued, "No seriously, why didn't you tell me that you're so damn good at sex? I would've made this happen a long time ago!"

She sat up and beamed at me, "You never asked."

The alarm on her bedside table went off and she groaned, moving off of me and out of the bed.

"No, don't go," I whined, futilely grabbing for her. It was too late, she had already left our warm little sex sanctuary.

"I'm sorry, I have to go to work and so do you," she groaned apologetically, rushing to the master bathroom to turn on the shower. We had showered together last night after our first time (which inevitably led to our second and third time) and I felt guilty that I had made a big enough mess to force her to shower twice.

I sat in bed with my hands over my eyes. After a night and morning like that, work was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Can't we just stay here all day?" I questioned, sitting up and spying her through the crack in the door.

"I wish I could but I've got to tie up a project before the weekend. I'm sorry," I heard her shout back.

I never responded verbally.

"Jeez, Edward, a little privacy would be nice," she joked as I stepped in the shower behind her, making sure to pull the curtain closed to retain some of the warm steam she had built up.

I scoffed, wrapping my hands around her waist and pushing us both under the shower head. "After a show like that do you really expect me to ever pass up a chance to see you naked?"

She just laughed and leaned her head back against my shoulder.

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

If I could describe my mood in one word that day, it would be 'fluff'. I felt light on my feet and overjoyed with how things had gone between me and Edward last night.

I was literally smiling for no reason thinking about last night. And when Edward texted me a simple smiley face that day, I felt like I was floating.

By the time I made it to lunch with Alice and Rosalie that afternoon I wasn't even trying to contain myself. I managed to make it through lunch without mentioning anything to the girls, even though I was dying to. I wanted to make sure that Edward and I had a chance to figure everything out before I let everyone else in on the news.

And maybe a little part of me just wanted to keep him all to myself. If I told, it would become everyone else's information and for the time being I only wanted myself and Edward occupying our little bubble.

When I got home that night I was still riding my high. Earlier in the day Edward had asked to visit me for dinner. He offered to bring Chinese so I had double reason not to say no to him.

As I watched TV in the living room while waiting for him, I felt nervous about seeing him for the first time in our entire history as friends.

Except now it was different because we were more than friends… I think.

I wasn't sure how to act. Should I kiss him when he came to the door or act like nothing happened? Should I follow his lead and just see where it went or should I be the one to make the first move and set the tone?

I didn't have much time to think on it. My doorbell rang and I rushed to see if it was him. I looked through the peephole and recognized the mop of unruly hair.

"Howdy stranger," I said lamely, and as he passed I mentally chided myself.

_Real smooth._

"Hey. I brought everything you asked for," Edward spoke as he set the food on the table. "There's beef and broccoli, orange chicken, honey walnut shrimp, steamed rice, and a few of those Rangoon things you like."

"Mmmmm," I came to stand beside him and sniffed the air, "it smells so good. I'm starving. Let me grab some plates."

"What do you want to drink?" I asked, and he replied "Just water. I've already had too much soda today as it is."

I grabbed glasses and filled them with ice water, setting them on the wooden dining table before setting the plates as well.

Edward served the food and we ate in relative silence. Neither of us knew where to begin.

"So I finished the project I was talking about this morning," I started.

"Oh that's great! That means you're free all weekend," Edward observed, nodding his head in approval.

"Yeah it'll be nice to just relax and do whatever. Did anybody have any plans about going out tonight? I thought I heard Jasper mention something."

Edward shrugged, "I'm not sure, I thought I heard him say something about going cosmic bowling or some shit. Even if the group doesn't go out we can still go to a bar or something. Just so we don't waste our Friday night indoors."

I nodded in agreement, "Yeah, totally. I'll call everyone after we're done eating. I kind of do want to bowl now that you mention it. I get the most random urges for activities sometimes and right now its cosmic bowling."

We both laughed and Edward spoke up, "You're special."

I stuck my tongue out at him and that immediately relieved any awkwardness we might have been feeling before that.

We were still us, only better, because now we could have sex.

As promised, I had called everyone after dinner and we decided to meet at the bowling alley at 9. That left us a little over an hour to kill.

"You know we never did get to really watch that last Parks and Rec episode on Netflix." Edward said as we lounged in the living room. I had avoided taking him to my room for the simple fact of not wanting to be too presumptuous that we were going to sleep together tonight.

"Yeah we got a little distracted," I said, blushing slightly at remembering the reason.

"Let's watch some before we go," Edward suggested, pulling up Netflix on the Wii.

I found a spot on my white bench seat couch and threw a blanket over my legs. I waited patiently as Edward set up the TV and talked about a funny gif he'd seen online about the show and I laughed distractedly.

All I could focus on was where he would sit once he finished setting everything up.

He plopped down right next to me, our outer thighs touching.

"Damn Wii remote," he complained, leaning forward to make the little blue hand pop up on the screen. "This thing is such a pain in the ass. Who thought it was a good idea to create this controller?"

After he'd successfully selected the correct options to get us to Parks and Rec he settled down into the couch.

Minutes later I was _just _starting to focus on the episode instead of the feel of Edward beside me when he slung his arm behind me over the back of the couch.

I smiled subtly. He wasn't as smooth as he thought, but since he'd made the first move I decided to throw him a bone and pretended to lean forward to scratch and itch on my leg. When I leaned back I made sure to lean a little closer into Edward than where I originally was.

Now it was Edward's turn to smile. He knew I was on to him, but he didn't mind one bit. From then on it was a game of cat and mouse, to see who could gain the most space while being the subtlest. In the end, I won out.

At the end of the episode I went to my room to change for bowling. I had not noticed that Edward had followed me, but as I stood rifling through my dresser I felt his hand on my arms.

I was surprised at his assertiveness, but I didn't complain when I felt his lips on my neck. He put his hands on my waist and coaxed me to turn and face him. I kissed him back tentatively, letting him do all the work.

I needed him to show me that he wanted this. If he wanted to kiss me, he'd have to work for it. Seconds later I felt his hands grab my thighs and lift me onto the dresser. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him, and I'd never been so turned on in my life.

"You have no idea had bad I want you right now. You're all I've been thinking about all day," he said lowly, kissing my exposed neck and rubbing his fingers over the warm spot between my legs.

I moved against his hand, saying, "Then what are you waiting for?"

I stared him in the eye boldly and that was all the encouragement he needed.

* * *

><p>"Are you paying together or separately?" The cashier in the bowling alley asked about our shoe rentals.<p>

"Separately," I said.

"Together," Edward said at the same time, handing over a twenty-dollar bill.

"You really don't have to Edward, I can buy my own shoes," I protested, but it had no gusto behind it. I was thrilled that he had paid for me. It was a step in the right direction.

"Don't worry about it, B, its not going to break the bank."

The rest of the night went on pretty ordinarily. Jasper and Ben had shown up with Alice in tow. When everyone had arrived we ordered a pizza and got the games going, discussing the workweek and wedding plans and gossip between frames. At one point I had gotten three strikes in a row and Edward rejoiced with me, putting me over his shoulder and spinning me around. I laughed and shrieked and begged him to put me down.

In between our turns we would sit in the chairs behind the lane and chat and laugh amongst ourselves, oblivious to the world around us. We were in the middle of a rousing game of thumb wrestle when Ben called out to us, "Hey, you two feel like joining the game maybe?"

I blushed as usual and we returned to the game looking guilty. It made no difference, though. Right after each of our frames we were right back to chatting and laughing silently between ourselves.

"Alright you two, time to get a room," Jasper yelled, coming to stand in front of us. Edward had his arm slung over my shoulders and was whispering something in my ear.

Edward looked surprised, "What the hell man, you're kicking us out?"

Ben jumped in, "Yeah, you're not even paying attention to the game. You're clearly more interested in each other than you are in any of us," he pointed to the rest of the group who were now looking our way.

Edward laughed nervously, "Dude, not even. We're just talking."

"Yeah right dude, you haven't been able to keep your hands off of Bella all night," he paused and then said, "Wait, is something going on here?"

I started to speak when Edward cut me off.

"Hell no man, I already told you she's like my sister," he shot me a glance. "We're just talking about my wedding surprise for you," he said as he wriggled his eyebrows at Ben.

"I swear to God, Edward, if you're planning on giving me a strip tease you butter cut that shit out right now!"

Everyone laughed as Edward played along with the joke, attempting to grind on Ben and touch him in the most inappropriate way possible. Ben attempted to push him away and the two started to wrestle.

"Alright you two, break it up. You can resume this little love fest at the bar. Let's go," Alice said, pushing them apart and collecting her things. She locked our arms as we walked, pulling me along with her.

When the group reached the bar it wasn't hard to tell that Edward was acting differently towards me. He did his best to make sure he didn't interact with me too much. Everyone had already noticed at the bowling alley that he was more drawn to me than usual, so he had to play it safe to keep everyone from figuring out the change in our physical relationship, which I understood.

We needed time to figure it out for ourselves first.

We got to the bar and immediately found a table, placing the drink orders soon after we sat down.

"Hey, you guys up for a round of pool?" Ben asked, and Jasper and Edward agreed.

That left Alice and me by ourselves at the table.

"Have you tried the sangria from this place? It's totally fake but its delicious," Alice said, bringing her blended mango margarita to her lips.

"I've only been here once. Remember that time we had Macy's thing here?"

Alice snapped her fingers, "Oh yeah, right before we did that terrible round of karaoke!" We both laughed at the memory.

"Yeah that night we had to carry Rose's drunk ass back to her place and then we played Just Dance for like 3 hours straight! Oh my god, those were great times." I recounted fondly and Alice hummed in approval.

"What ever happened to all of us hanging out like that?" Alice inquired and I shrugged.

"I don't know, I guess we all just got too busy with life and what not. I mean look at Ben, he's engaged. You just started the Ph.D. program and I got put up for a promotion!"

Alice jumped in surprise, "WHAT?! You got a promotion? Congratulations, that's amazing!" She leaned in to hug me tightly.

"Thank you," I smiled, "but it's not for sure yet. The job is up north so there are still some factors I have to consider before I say yes."

Alice pulled away from the hug and gripped me by the shoulders, "Please tell me you're not thinking of staying for my idiot brother. Please tell me that I'm wrong to think you'd do that."

"He's not the only reason," I said as I puffed out my chest. "I would miss all of you guys, not just him."

Alice rolled her eyes, "Right but you're not sleeping with all of us."

My eyes widened, "How did you know?"

"Oh please," Alice scoffed, "you two couldn't keep your hands off of each other all night. I've never seen him act so lovesick around you. Either he's become really affectionate lately or you two are fucking each other behind everyone's backs."

"It's not like we're trying to hide it," I explained, "Last night was the first time. I just don't know where we stand yet. Plus, you see how he acted when Ben asked him if we were messing around. Neither of us knows how to explain what's happening between us."

I didn't want to tell her that I had technically agreed to only be her twin brother's new bed buddy.

"Look, I'm happy for you babe. You totally needed to get laid, and trust me, if it were any other guy I'd be over the moon ecstatic. You know how Edward is, though. He has a record. You know better than anyone," Alice reasoned.

"I know," I stared at my drink, "but something feels different about this. I don't know how to explain it but it feels right. We connect on a level that I've never connected with anyone before. I've been wondering about what could happen for so long that I would be so pissed at myself if I didn't try to at least explore the possibility."

Alice sighed and grabbed my face in her hands. "Fine," she huffed, "just be careful. This is Edward we're talking about. I know you guys are best friends but sex changes everything."

I covered Alice's hands with my own.

"I promise."

We hugged once more before I spoke up, "How about a round of pool against the guys? We could totally wipe the floor with their assess."

"Game on," Alice said, finishing the last few sips of her margarita. As we walked up to the pool table we noticed our guys were joined by a fourth person; a woman.

We approached quietly as Edward was focused on setting up a shot. After squaring up and releasing a deep breath he managed to sink two balls at once. Everyone 'ooohd' and 'ahhhd' at his accomplishment and the woman beside him gave him a high five, which I had to admit they held for a little longer than necessary.

We jumped in the next round for some team play, girls against guys. The unknown woman was on our team (we'd now discovered her name to be Tanya) and we managed to tie with the guys up until this point. Between every shot I couldn't help but notice how Edward and Tanya had taken to conversation.

I understood that as of now I technically had no claim over Edward, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ready to piss on him to mark my territory.

Tanya sunk the winning shot for the girls' team and Alice's excitement overcompensated for my lack of enthusiasm, which went completely unnoticed.

"Looks like I owe you a drink," I overheard Edward say to Tanya. Was he _flirting _with her? And was I the only one who thought that this girl was so fake? Apparently I was, as everyone else was talking animatedly at the bar.

"I was actually thinking that I could request another favor as my victor's prize," Tanya had lowered her voice.

I couldn't hear Edward's response but when the pair got up to leave the table a few minutes later I could only assume what she'd implied.

"Guys we're going to head out, I'm going to walk Tanya home," Edward announced, being careful to avoid my eyes. When he turned to help Tanya with her coat I'm sure he could feel my eyes burning into the back of his skull.

"Alright, bro. Text me about basketball tomorrow, yeah?" Jasper shook his hand, followed by Ben.

"Will do," he replied.

"Al, B, see you later," he waved before ushering Tanya out with a hand on her lower back.

Alice glanced worriedly at me, "He wouldn't do that, would he?"

"God, I hope not." I scowled before plucking the cherry from my Shirley Temple and waving the bartender down to close out my tab.

"I'm going to head out. Are you going to stick around?"

Alice went to grab her coat, "No I'll come with you. I rode with Jasper. Jasper, I'm heading back with B," she yelled down the bar. He and Ben both looked and waved their goodbyes.


	6. Chapter 5

**Character borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 5:

**BPOV**

It had taken me all of half an hour to drop Alice off and make it back to my own place. It was already 12:15am by the time I crawled into bed and I could definitely feel it. I was dead tired from having stayed up the night before, and I really didn't want to spend any more time awake thinking about Edward and whatever the hell he was doing with his new plaything.

Just as I dozed off a sound made my stir in my sleep. The closer I came to consciousness the louder the sound became. I realized it was the doorbell. I glanced at the clock on my bedside table, now reading 12:37 am.

I heard the doorbell again and got up to see who it was. I moved silently through the dark apartment, taking a glance through the peephole.

Messy, auburn tinged hair.

I sighed in relief and opened the door, squinting as the light from the hallway poured in to my dark apartment.

Edward stood there with his hands in his pockets, looking guilty.

"What's wrong?" I asked cautiously.

"Nothing," he cleared his throat, "I uh…came to check on you…" he said slowly.

"Why?" I asked flatly.

He looked a little taken aback at my tone. "I wanted to make sure you made it home safely. I didn't want to use the key because I didn't want to scare you."

"Oh, uh, thanks. I'm…fine." I said lamely.

Edward nodded and we stood in awkward silence for a few moments.

"Are you going to invite me in?" Edward laughed, and I moved aside to let him pass.

"Jesus, why is it so dark in here?" he questioned, shouting as he stubbed his toe on the corner of the table in my entry way.

I smiled to myself in the dark.

_Serves him right._

"I was in bed. It's almost 1 so I was asleep," I explained, shutting the front door.

"On a Friday night? Isabella Marie Swan, I thought I taught you better than that," Edward said in an exaggerated tone.

I rolled my eyes, "I was ready to call it a night. I didn't sleep much last night." I said that as if he didn't' know that I hadn't slept much last night; as if he hadn't been the reason. My tone was a little harsher than I meant it to be.

"Ok, I can tell you're pissed off that I left with that girl but I swear to you – "

I scoffed, turning on my heel towards my room. "Me? Pissed? Never. What would give you such an idea?"

"I didn't go home with her. Well I did, but I didn't stay. I really did just walk her home," he explained, pulling my arm to get me to stop and face him.

I examined his face for a few moments. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"Yes," Edward said, looking a little saddened. "I wouldn't do that to you, B. I know we haven't had time to figure all this out between us but I wouldn't sleep with you one night and move on to a different girl the next. I couldn't treat you like that."

My face softened slightly.

"I don't know, the way you were talking about me tonight to everyone made it seem liked you were kind of embarrassed about what happened between us," I explained my thought process and Edward pulled me into a hug.

"I would never be embarrassed of you. I just didn't want everyone to know. I don't know how everyone would respond to us being friends with benefits, you know?"

"So that's what we're doing? Friends with benefits?" I repeated.

"Yeah, I guess. That's the only rational way I can describe this. I don't know how they'd all feel about it."

"I thought you didn't do labels. I thought we were just going see where it goes," I said, pulling my arm from his grasp to cover my chest. Yes, I understood that he didn't want a commitment but even then I still held on to hope that I could win him over with time. Having him put the friends with benefits title on it sealed its fate. We were doomed to be nothing more than fleeting fuck buddies.

I trailed off, trying to think of the right words to say. Edward filled in the silence for me.

"The label isn't the problem with us, B. I just don't like having everyone in my business. A private life is private for a reason. If everyone knows about it then they'll make a big deal or think we're doing this and it would just be a lot of hassle I'm not in the mood to deal with. If everyone finds out they're just going to pry and I don't do the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing. It's too complicated and there's always too much drama. Can we just keep this between us?" he pleaded, releasing me to get a look at me face and gauge my reaction.

Friends with benefits. I could to that. It's not exactly what I wanted but it was better than where I'd started.

Instead of verbalizing my answer I leaned up to kiss him, holding his face in my hands.

I would take whatever he would give me.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

The next morning I woke to the sound of Bella cooking breakfast for the two of us. I groggily exited the bedroom to find the table had been fixed with two place settings, a stack of pancakes, and a mountain of eggs, bacon and breakfast potatoes.

"Morning," I grumbled, seating myself at one of the places she had set up.

"Good morning!" she said brightly, walking by to kiss me on the top of the head.

"You're in a cheery mood," I observed, eyeing her suspiciously.

She just laughed and placed the last dirty pan in the sink before heading over to take her place at the table as well. "I just had a good night, that's all," she said, starting to fill her plate up.

"Damn right you did," I puffed my chest out proudly. "I would say you had a _great _night, what with coming as many times as you did."

Bella's mouth dropped open, "Oh shut up, don't act like you would've figured that out by yourself! And I barely came twice," she joked, not making eye contact with me.

"You're a terrible liar," I grinned, knowing full well that she'd told me she was about to orgasm on multiple occasions.

She ignored me. "What are your plans for the day?"

"I didn't have any plans, actually. I was thinking about just having a lie in, maybe take the day to re-cooperate," I joked, looking at her pointedly.

"Oh fuck you, I did most of the work," she stuck her nose in the air proudly.

I was about to respond when I heard my phone ringing from the other room. I jumped up to grab it and left Bella alone.

She had time to finish off what was on her plate before I came back, fully clothed, cell phone still to my ear.

"No it's fine, I'll come help you. Which exit are you off of?" I asked as I attempted to slip my shoes on with one hand.

"Ok, I'll be right there."

Bella had tried to not be nosy but I'm sure the fact that I was leaving so abruptly had piqued her curiosity.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" she asked, a little confused.

"Alice asked me to come pick her up. She blew a tire on the highway and I'm going to go help her." I reached the door before double backing and resuming my seat.

"I promise I'm not trying to walk out on you. I had an amazing time with you these past two days. And thank you for breakfast," I threw her my best panty dropping smile. "I'll call you later?" I asked, squeezing her hand. She squeezed my hand back and I leaned in to kiss her on the mouth briefly.

"Great, talk to you soon. Let me know what you end up doing," I yelled but the door slamming cut off the tail end of my sentence.

After I helped Alice I spent the rest of the day indoors, thinking that my plan hadn't been such a bad idea after all. I didn't see Bella for the rest of that day, or week for that matter. It took everything in me not to head to her place as soon as I had dropped Al off but I really needed to get ready for my trip. When I phoned Bella that night I mentioned to her that I would be heading out of town for that week for work. I was going to be in Silicon Valley until Friday working on one of our client's projects but I promised to call to check-in.

To say I was counting down the days until I saw Bella again would be an understatement.

I called her every night that week. She told me that went about her week as normally as she could muster. She had finished with a particularly troublesome client and she was happy to have finally tidied up the kid's reputation. Most of her clients were kids who would be taking over their parents' companies and needed a squeaky clean image to get there.

On Saturday night I called her earlier than usual. She was getting ready for the annual Autism auction her company hosted every year. It was a black tie event that was thrown to raise awareness and money for the cause. The two brothers who owned the company had a sister who was diagnosed early in childhood.

"Hey, you," she greeted warmly.

"Hey, what are you up to?"

"I'm going to that auction thing that they company holds every year," she said, and I just imagined her slipping on the black, knee length dress that she'd put aside especially for the occasion.

"The one for ALS?" I asked, pretending that I didn't know what it was for.

"No, for autism. You've been every year, how do you not remember these things?" she admonished.

"They're so boring! It's just a bunch of rich people trying to bid to let everyone know who has the most money," I was not amused by the people she worked with.

"Fine, I'll give you that, but the underlying cause is good and they always have delicious food."

"Yeah, like those stuffed mushrooms and that filet mignon?" I made a delighted groan over the phone.

"Did you just come?" she asked, only half joking.

"You're not funny," I said, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

Bella continued, "I'm just saying. We've had sex five times and I've never heard you make that sound with me."

"That's because I can barely breathe when I'm with you. Did I ever mention that you're _incredibly_ good at sex?" I stressed, hoping she could hear the seriousness in my tone.

She just chucked. "I'm getting off the phone, I've got to finish getting ready because the cab will be here any minute."

"Alright, have fun tonight and please be safe."

"Thanks, I'll talk to you later."

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

I flung the disconnected phone in my purse and continued to flutter about the room. Ten minutes later I was in a cab headed downtown towards the hotel where they'd be holding the auction.

As Edward had reminded me, it was incredibly boring. I never had any money to bid on anything but I always attended to support my bosses. Usually Edward and I would sit at our deserted table and make up back stories about the other people in attendance. On rare occasions I got to introduce Edward to some people from work, but for the most part we drank from the open bar and talked amongst ourselves.

I was walking through the art display when I heard one of my co-workers call my name.

"Oh my god, Bella! I'm so surprised to see you here, I didn't know you were going to come tonight," Corina Winston said as she leaned in to give me a half-assed hug.

"I always like to support the bosses, you know? Plus I think it's so important to raise money and awareness for these kinds of things."

"Of course," Corina shrugged. "You haven't exactly had the easiest life either, so its great that you can give back to other causes."

I knew Corina was fake, but to try to backhand compliment me with such little provocation was uncalled for.

"Well, it's not that, I just want to help and support as much as I can."

"Of course," Corina smirked overly politely. "What will you be bidding on tonight?"

My eyes glared ever so slightly, "Oh, nothing. I'm just here to watch. I helped set everything up so I at least want to see the product of all our handiwork."

Corina tutted her lips, "Oh I'm sorry dear. Not everyone here can afford to buy any of this stuff but like you said, the support is most important."

I tried to reason that somewhere deep down in her soul, Corina was a good person at one point. A good person who deserved respect. I steadied my breathing while Corina spoke again.

"If you're not going to bid on anything then at least you have a date. Who did you bring with you tonight?" she asked coyly, knowing full well that I hadn't walked in with anyone this year.

My brain whizzed a mile a minute as I tried to think of the name of this fake person I was about to create in my head.

"Bella, there you are!" someone said from behind me, and I recognized the voice, although I thought it impossible that they would be here.

I felt a hand on my lower back and turned to see my very own knight in shining tuxedo grinning down at me.

"I've been looking all over for you. I told you I was going to the bathroom and I came back and you were gone," Edward feigned disappointment, and I was lost for words.

"Oh, Edward!" Corina said, moving quickly to give him a hug. He obliged her politely and I had to bite my tongue to keep from yelling at them to stop touching. I could take the snide comments and the look of pity but I wouldn't put up with the girl's paws all over my man; especially not Evil Corina.

_Bitch._

"Hi Corina, it's so good to see you again," he shot her his best dazzling smile before turning his gaze to me. "I don't mean to be brief but if you'll excuse us, I need to dance with my stunning date."

He ushered the two of us out to the dance floor and there was a pause before I finally jolted back to reality.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, surprised.

Edward chuckled and pulled me a little tighter to his chest, "Saving your ass, of course. What kind of best friend would I be if I left you to these vultures alone?"

I rested my head on his chest and said a silent prayer of thanks.

"Actually I made it back from my trip earlier than expected so I thought I'd surprise you," he smiled down at me and my knees nearly gave out right there.

"That was really nice, thank you. If you hadn't shown up when you did I don't know what I would've told Corina back there," I sighed, eyes closing as we swayed back and forth to the jazzy rendition of _Clarity_ by John Mayer.

"You're welcome," he said. "I wanted to surprise you earlier, it just took me forever to find you in this goddamn building!" He pushed me out and spun me around before bringing us chest to chest once more.

"Plus, I wanted to see you," he said quietly, and I could see his adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

"I wanted to see you too," I said lightly, pulling away to look at his face.

_God, you're beautiful._

I leaned up to kiss him but he turned his cheek before I could do so.

I had to fight the frown of disappointment from crossing my face. I planted the kiss on his cheek anyway.

He glanced back at me before ducking his head.

"We're in public," he said, as if I'd understand what the problem was just from those few words.

"So?" I asked dumbly and he sighed.

"We're at a party with all your co-workers. I just don't want anyone to see anything," he explained further, pulling me closer to him once more.

I gladly took the opportunity to hide my face and the tears welling in my eyes. I had to admit that stung a little bit. I knew that we weren't exactly broadcasting whatever was going on between us but I didn't know that meant we had to hide it from _everyone_ we came into contact with.

I tried my best to push away the feelings of doubt that rose within me. I knew it was wrong to let a guy that I was truly in love with treat me like the flavor of the month but this was Edward I was talking about. Save his stint in college, he'd never really made me feel the way I felt now; _rejected_.

This was neither the time nor place to think about it, though. I relished the moment and the song came to an end about a minute later.

On top of everything, I was embarrassed; embarrassed that I'd made a move on him in public but even more embarrassed that he had rejected it. I did my best to clear my thoughts.

"How about we grab a drink before dinner?" I asked, trying to make my voice sound as light and carefree as possible.

"Sure, we can do that," he said in what sounded like a tired voice, pulling me in the direction of the bar. Edward ordered a Black Russian and I ordered a flute of Champagne. Before he had even received his drink I had chugged my flute, definitely noting that I needed to loosen up if I was going to submit myself to this masochistic torture of having Edward as my "date".

"Woah there, tiger," Edward warned, pulling the almost empty glass from my lips. "Maybe you want to take it easy. This is still a work party, after all."

I just smiled at him and spoke to the bartender over his shoulder.

"I'll have another, please."

Edward clenched his jaw as the bartender passed over a second flute.

"Bella, I don't really think you need another champagne."

I could see the flash of warning in his face.

_Men. What did he think was going to happen? And since when had he earned the right to talk to me about my alcohol consumption?_

I tried to keep my thoughts purely internal but a little bit of my frustration might have slipped out.

"Okay, _dad_," I baited him. I knew full well that he wouldn't react well to that and yet I said it anyway.

Surprisingly, he said nothing.

We found our way to an empty table and after a few minutes my drink had kicked in, effectively killing any negativity and tension I felt between Edward and myself. When I did feel like speaking to him again he had apparently had the same idea, and we were now in a deep discussion about the likelihood that Bran from Game of Thrones would end up as the new king of Westeros.

"The kid can't even fucking walk, Bella, how's he going to cut it as king?" Edward asked, exasperated.

"You can be a handicapped king, Edward, there's no rule that says you can't," I scoffed, downing my last bit of champagne.

"Ok but his entire family is already wanted, there's no way they're going to let him waltz right in and take the throne. The Lannisters'll skin him alive!" Edward threw his hands up in mock disbelief.

"I'm just saying," I laughed, leaning back in my seat, "it's going to be the one you least expect."

A moment of silence passed between us before we simultaneously looked at each other and yelled, "Arya!"

Our outburst had garnered the attention of the table next to us so we laughed as we tried our best to keep our epiphany to a minimum. "It makes so much sense," I whispered into Edward's ear. Before he could respond we were being asked by our waiter for our dinner order.

Edward ordered first, deciding to go for the filet mignon again, and I ordered the vegetarian option: pasta. And another champagne.

We spent the rest of the night talking and slipped out before the actual auction began. My bosses had seen me, I got my free meal and booze and I was ready to leave. Corina was right, I couldn't really afford to bid on any of the items anyway.

Edward helped me into the passenger's seat of his Volvo S40. He made his way around the car and slid into the driver's seat, taking off with a lurch.

I laughed, "Dramatic much?"

"What's the point of having the car if you can't show off a little?" he winked at me, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"You're leasing this," I reminded him, still laughing.

"Minor detail, my dear," he joked, waving me off. "I think I'll downsize soon, though. When I buy a new car, I'm gonna get a coup."

"Why do you even need a coup anyway? Don't you ever think you need more space than that?"

Edward shook his head, "And who exactly do you think rides in this car with me besides you?"

At my lack of response he continued, "I'll have two seats. One for me, and one for you. That's all I need," he said, finding my hand and giving it a squeeze.

I gulped and turned to face the building passing by. He really knew what to say to make a girl feel special. Despite what happened tonight, I couldn't keep down the feeling of wanton within me. He was irresistible when he was flirting with me. I wasn't made of stone.

We rode in comfortable silence back to his apartment, and he threw the car in park. "Would you mind if we stayed here tonight? I haven't been home all week but I really don't want to fall asleep without you next to me," he said genuinely as he looked into my eyes.

It was a good thing I wasn't standing because I felt my knees go weak again.

"Of course," I said, opening the door and letting the night air hit my warming face. If he kept saying things like that we might not even make it to his apartment. He was being so sweet and genuine that I had almost completely forgotten about the little stunt he pulled tonight.

When we reached his unit he flicked on the lights, throwing the room into visibility. His apartment was tidy and simplistic; nothing like mine, which was smaller, but felt much cozier and well lived in.

He dropped his keys on the table by the door and led me to the master bathroom, turning on the shower and checking the temperature. While it warmed he ran to get two towels for us, and placed them on the sink when he returned. The entire time he rushed around I just stood there, unsure of what to do.

We never really spent much time here. The majority of the time we spent together was out with friends or at my place. It dawned on me that Edward wasn't as open with his home as I was, even with me. The thought solidified my feelings of being out of place standing in his bathroom.

The sad thing was thought I'd probably spent more time here than anyone else he knew. The thought made me feel sad for Edward. It seemed so…isolated.

Pushing those thoughts from my head, I stood in silence.

Was he saying that he wanted us to shower together? He hadn't said a word on the way up here (we were both pretty tired from the week) so I had assumed we'd just go straight to bed, but clearly he had other plans.

"What's wrong?" he asked concernedly, moving to cup my face in his hands.

I looked up at him and I swore the champagne was making me see stars. I had never seen such a beautiful man. His green eyes and bright smile instantly made a warmth spread in my stomach. Who knew that little boy I met in middle school would turn into the panty dropper standing before me now?

"Nothing, I'm perfect," I smiled up at him. That champagne definitely had me feeling good.

He leaned down to kiss me gently and I responded to his lips immediately. Before long our innocent kisses had turned into a heated fight to see who could get the other person ready for the shower quicker.

I hastily tugged the shirt out of his pants, trying my best not to break our kiss. Edward assisted me before turning his attention to the dress. We continued to kiss before he groaned in frustration.

"Shit, how do you get this thing off?" he asked and I turned around to help him.

"Unzip the back," I said breathily. Once he had done so the dress dropped to the ground and we were back to being a collision of hands and mouths. We managed to strip Edward down to his boxers, and he kicked them off, his penis springing to life. He pressed himself up against me, and I could tell it was his way of showing me what I was doing to him.

My hand automatically gravitated towards him, grasping him confidently and stroking slightly. He moaned and unclipped my bra, mouth flying to my breasts as the article disappeared.

Edward had left the shower on and it was starting to steam up to the point where neither of us could really see around the room. He dropped to his knees, kissing my stomach and hips lightly before putting his fingers in the waistband of my black lace thong and puling it down my legs. I struggled for a moment and balanced myself with a hand on his shoulder as I stepped out of the article of clothing. He didn't waste any time and pushed me lightly against the counter.

I jumped slightly as my butt hit the cold surface. I felt goose bumps rise as Edward ran a hand down my right leg and nudged me to put it over his shoulder. The tingling between my legs increased tenfold at the gesture. He was always so confident in his actions when it came to this. He knew how to make me feel wanted.

I obliged and exposed myself to him, letting my head fall back against the mirror as he kissed my thigh as close as he could to my center without actually putting his mouth on me.

I squirmed in anticipation and began to pant slightly.

"Please," I managed to choke out, and he didn't need any more encouragement than that. He flicked his tongue against my bundle of nerves and I moaned, enjoying whatever little bit of contact he was giving me.

He moved his entire mouth to cover my clit, sliding two fingers into my opening. The noise that emanated from me sounded a lot like a sigh of relief. It had almost been a week since we'd had any physical contact.

"You're so wet," he admired, his fingers sliding easily in and out of me. It was hard for me to muster the energy to sit up straight as he continued to lavish my center with attention. He was hitting my g-spot perfectly and it was hard to concentrate on anything else but the extreme pleasure I felt. It had only been a week but my body was responding to him as if I'd never done this before. My orgasm was quickly building but right as I was reaching my peak Edward slowed his movements.

My head shot up. That had gotten my attention.

"What are you doing?" I whined worriedly, but he merely responded by standing to his full height and capturing my lips with his. I lapped at his mouth, the taste of myself igniting my sudden _need _for him.

He picked me up by my thighs again, and I immediately wrapped around his waist. He carried us both into the shower and I did my best to reach over to shut the glass door behind us.

As soon as it clicked shut he was pushing me against the wall, letting the spray of hot water help move our bodies against one another. I moaned into his mouth and he pushed me further into the tiles, his kisses becoming more fervent.

He erection was painfully poking at me at this point, and I couldn't stand not having him inside of me any longer. As if he were reading my thoughts, he broke the kiss and grabbed my legs carefully, slinging them over each of his arms. I'd never had shower sex with anyone before him. Mostly because I'd never been with anyone whose libido was above vanilla grade, so as he maneuvered my body into this new position I was unsure of what to do. That is until I felt myself open even wider to him.

He let the head of his penis tease my entrance slightly before sliding all the way into me. We moaned simultaneously and I gripped his shoulders, needing the extra support. He grabbed my waist with my legs still over his arms and began to guide me slowly, causing me to move on him. My eyes nearly rolled in the back of my head from the feeling.

I moaned loudly as I felt him deep inside me. He continued to control our speed and rhythm, and I let out a cry of frustration. He'd spent enough time letting me get acquainted with every inch of him. I needed him to go faster; he was torturing me with these slow movements.

He must have noticed my efforts to move my hips and took my hint to pick up the pace. He began to move his hands on my waist a little faster, causing the friction and speed between our bodies to increase.

I moaned and leaned forward to kiss Edward, his mouth swallowing my scream soon after. I could feel myself tightening around him again and prayed that he wouldn't leave me on edge this time. I was involuntarily clenching so hard that he must have felt it. Normally our sessions could go much longer than this, but the mixture of heat and water and not seeing each other for a week caused him to come much sooner than I'm sure either of us had anticipated. It wasn't long until we were both reaching our peak together.

I leaned my head against the shower tiles, vision blurred from the orgasm and the consistent fall of water from the shower head. Edward leaned his head on my shoulder, panting from the movement and steam and overall euphoria that overtook us.

We stood like that for several minutes before Edward let me down, wobbly legs and all. He leaned forward to grab the bar of soap and began washing me timidly. I smiled because I knew he was trying to avoid the wrath he'd have to endure if he accidentally tickled me.

Once he finished I returned the favor and we were both now making our way out of the shower.

Edward grabbed both towels and handed one over, wrapping the other around his waist. He stepped out of the shower and gave me a hand as I followed behind him. When he opened the bathroom door to his dark bedroom the steam rushed out, and I felt like I could finally breathe again.

He walked to his dresser to find something for both of us to wear. He decided on a t-shirt and sweats, and I'm looked at him as if he were ludicrous.

"I can't fit those," I laughed, throwing the sweats back in his face.

"This is all I have, you kind of don't have a choice," he mocked my tone, throwing them back at me. "Unless you want a pair of boxers."

"Yeah give me those, there's no way I'll be able to sleep comfortably in this," I said, throwing the sweats at him one last time as he tossed me the boxers. We got dressed in comfortable silence. I draped their towels over the back of his desk chair as he turned down the sheets. I could tell how eager he was to be back home in his own bed.

"Come on, little one. Time for us to sleep," I heard him call through a yawn, and I thought it was the most adorable thing. His little term of endearment for me never ceased to make me burst with love and affection for him. I'm 5'7 so I would hardly call that little.

I hopped into bed as he snuggled down, pulling the covers over me once I was settled.

"You smell so good," he observed sleepily, draping an arm over my waist.

I sighed contently as I let myself be pulled in to his embrace. He buried his face in my neck before pulling back with a scrunched up nose.

"You're hair is wet," he said, attempting to push it up and out of his face. I laughed and replied, "I know, I didn't have time to do anything to it. You ambushed me."

He nudged my feet playfully, "Did not."

"Did too!" I exclaimed. "You literally stole me away from a party and took me back to your little love cave, then you sexed me up and threw me in bed. I didn't have time to really think about what I was going to do with my hair."

"I did sex you up, didn't I?" he asked, cockiness in his voice. I hit him on his hip. He had conveniently ignored everything else I had said.

I felt his chest rumble with laughter and I knew at that moment that I would never be able to go back to just being Edward's friend. He had me, hook, line, and sinker. There was nothing I could do about it.

As I listened to his breathing even out I couldn't help but think that even if I could, I wouldn't want to do anything about it.

I drifted peacefully off to sleep in the one place in the world I knew I belonged.


	7. Chapter 6

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 6:

**BPOV – October**

The next several weeks flew by. When we weren't working, we were together. Whether it be at my place for movie nights or his place for dinner, we were even more inseparable than before. Our little weekend rendezvous had turned into nightly occurrences.

We had still decided to keep our arrangement a secret from everyone. The only person who knew was Alice, and she never mentioned anything when we were all together. I had begged her not to let on to Edward that she knew about any of the stuff that had been going on between us.

She didn't have much time to mention anything anyway. Between my 25th birthday and her announcement of her engagement to Jasper, we'd all been pretty busy. I was so excited for them that I could burst! Alice deserved this kind of happiness, and I was so glad that Jasper was the one she had found it with. During everything in college, he had been the one who filled that void in her life that Edward had left when he blew up on her about leaving him in Forks. When she pushed both of us away, Jasper had been there.

We hadn't known that at the time but when she moved back home and everything had been mended, that was the first thing she told us. We've all come such a long way since then, so to see Alice moving on and finally getting this little slice of bliss in her life was well deserved.

Jasper and Alice had also told us that they'd be holding their engagement party in Texas. Not only were all of their college friends there, but Jasper's family sadly outnumbered Alice's by quite a few people. It made more sense to go to the masses instead of trying to bring them all out here.

I understood their reasoning, and I was excited to spend a few days out of Seattle.

Meanwhile, things with Edward and I were going amazingly well. I could feel myself falling even more in love with him. Despite my best efforts to keep our physical relationship as just that, I couldn't deny the feelings that were in my heart. I'd always loved him, but over the past couple of months it had turned into something much deeper. Sex made it that much more intimate, and I could feel myself falling deeper into trouble.

There were so many occasions on which I'd almost blurted out my adoration for him. He already knew that I loved him because we would say it all the time, but I had never told him that I was _in love _with him. In his usual Edward fashion, he remained oblivious to my feelings.

One Sunday morning after we'd stayed in bed playing virtual table hockey against each other, he kissed my forehead and I suddenly felt brave enough to let him know my true feelings. I knew that he didn't _do _girlfriends and commitment and blah blah blah, but I had to let him know. Even if I couldn't be with him, I couldn't keep it bottled in any longer.

I had been so close to telling him so many times that I knew that it was a sign that I had to let my real feelings towards him be known.

"Wow Bells. Surprisingly, that's the very first round of table hockey you've ever beaten me in. I have to give credit where credit is due," he said dutifully, and when I smiled up at him he leaned down and kissed me.

"Can I tell you a secret?" he said, leaning his forehead on mine

"What is it?" I asked, my chocolate brown eyes searching his dark green ones.

"You're kind of my favorite," he announced in a loud whisper, and I bit my lip.

Why the hell does he have to be _so _damn charming? He always knew just what to say to me to get the butterflies in my stomach to flutter.

"I thought you were going to tell me a real secret," I said, and he smirked.

"You didn't know you were my favorite," he lied, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I've always known," I smiled, and I barely contained the words that had bubbled to my lips, on the verge of spilling themselves out.

"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked as my heart thumped wildly in my chest.

He looked at me quizzically, "Of course."

I swallowed hard as I searched his eyes. They held their usual softened expression. All I needed was a confirmation that now was the right time to tell him, and his comment about me being his favorite felt enough like the sign I was asking for.

I almost chickened out, but then I reasoned that there would never be a right time to tell your emotionally crippled best friend of 12 years that you were in love with him despite the fact that you knew he had a fear of commitment.

"B, what's wrong?" He asked, rubbing his thumb over my cheek lightly.

"I think I'm falling in love with you," I whispered, refusing to let myself break the eye contact we had made a few moments ago.

Edward just chuckled and replied, "That's the effect I seem to have on women."

I stilled and rolled my eyes. He was trying to make a joke of this and I wouldn't let him. I was exposing true feelings here, I couldn't let him think I was kidding.

"No, Edward…" I began.

"I'm in love with you."

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I stared blankly at her. I couldn't manage to get my brain to form any coherent thoughts.

"Oh," I said lamely.

_Oh? That's the best you can do? The girl is baring her soul here and the best you can come up with is a one syllable word?_

Bella swallowed visibly.

"It's ok, you don't have to say anything back. I don't even know why I said anything in the first place, it was stupid. It's fine, we can just forget that I said that."

"No it's fine. I'm….i'm uh…glad you told me," I lied, turning on my back to face the ceiling of her bedroom.

Didn't she know that I didn't do this whole relationship thing? She should know better than anyone that I wouldn't be able to give her what she wanted.

I breathed deeply and spoke into the tense air between us, "You know that I don't do relationships, B."

"I know," she whispered, tracing the pattern on her bed sheets. "I just felt like I had to tell you. You don't have to say it back."

Out of all girls I thought Bella would be the first one to understand my reasoning for this.

I had to get out of here. I knew I wouldn't be able to face Bella for much longer. I needed to be alone and figure things out on my own time.

I slid slightly off the bed before speaking up. "I should probably go."

I chanced a glance her way and had to turn away when I saw the pained look on her face.

I cringed as I began to collect my clothes.

"Besides, I just realized that I promised I'd meet Emmett and Rose for breakfast."

"Oh, nice. Where are you guys going?" Bella asked after a small hesitation. We both knew I was trying to find a way out.

"That diner on 6th street, I think. Emmett read about some new French toast stack in the paper that he just has to try."

Bella's chuckle was forced as she sat up with the sheet still covering her.

"Typical," she muttered. I could tell she was trying to keep the mood light. "Would you mind getting some of that coffee cake for me? I'm heading in to the office to work on some stuff for this account we're working on but I can swing by your place and pick it up after if you'll be home."

Damn it, why didn't she sound as awkward as I felt? After the way I reacted I couldn't believe she still wanted to see me.

"Actually," I hesitated, "I'm heading to the gym with the guys around that time. We're doing some new core building technique and I don't want to miss it. I'm not sure what time I'll get home."

Bella's face was covered in a small smile, "Ok, well just call me whenever you get back and we can figure it out."

For some reason I knew that she was talking about her declaration, not how I'd get the cake back to her.

I nodded quickly while I pulled on the grey and black jacket I had on last night. I made a move to leave the room when Bella called to me again.

"Edward, don't freak out on me ok? I don't expect you to say it back or be my boyfriend all of a sudden," she stated.

"Of course I know that," I tried my best to smile at this gorgeous woman I was leaving naked in bed, simply because I was too afraid of her feelings.

Slapping the door frame with my palm I said, "I'll see you later."

I hadn't even stayed long enough to hear her return my goodbye. I was out of her front door as fast as humanly possible. When I finally reached the street I reveled in the cool morning air.

"What the fuck, Edward?" I whispered to myself as I made the journey home.

* * *

><p>The past couple days were…tense, to say the least. Luckily I hadn't had time to dwell on everything with Bella too much. I was putting in a bit of extra time at work to compensate for the week I'd be in Texas for Alice and Jasper's engagement party.<p>

It seemed like everyone was getting married these days. First Ben and Angela and now Jasper and my sister. I didn't see the appeal honestly. It was downright scary, giving that much of yourself to someone and handing them the ability to destroy you. Once upon a time there was a girl I thought I'd marry.

Granted, I was barely 18, but they say that young love in its purest form can do anything. I really had thought I found the love of my life until I realized that she'd been cheating on me.

It was just disappointment after disappointment in the relationships following. After Jane, I could never really give every part of who I was to a woman. So when I started meeting women in college, only the first few had had any margin of success. I had stayed with Lauren for a few months, but when she got too possessive I had to end it. And then there was Irina, who had even less of me than Lauren did. I'll admit that I never really gave it a chance, but after my realizations it was hard for me to stay focused on one girl.

That's when I had decided to take up my current standpoint. I couldn't mix romance and companionship.

For a few brief weeks Bella had made me forget why I ever thought that. Until she confessed that she was in love with me.

I couldn't handle it. I wasn't even capable of loving anyone like that anymore.

A little part of me was disappointed when I arrived at Alice's Tuesday morning to find that Bella wasn't there. We'd been hiding out from each other but I was hoping that the flight would give us some time to talk.

_"When is Bella getting here?" I asked, trying my best to be nonchalant about it._

_Alice huffed as she brought the last of her bags down the front steps of the condo she shared with Jazz. _

_"She couldn't make this flight. She didn't tell you?" Alice questioned in a strained breath. I helped her lift her massive bag into the car._

_"No, she hasn't said anything about it."_

_"Oh, ok, well she's actually going to fly out tomorrow. She said something about having to finish up at work today. I think Rose and Em are flying out tomorrow too because we're picking all three of them up at the same time." _

_I frowned. I highly doubt that work had caused her to stay back. This is what she does whenever she's upset. She shuts herself off from everyone else. _

_Alice continued, "I'm surprised she didn't say anything to you. She told me that you already knew. When you showed up this morning I was surprised that you were coming today. I thought maybe you had switched your flight, too."_

_I rubbed the back of my neck._

_"It must've slipped her mind," I finished lamely._

The rest of that day went really smoothly. We landed in Houston about 7 hours later and checked into the Four Seasons. Wednesday was spent lounging about mostly, so when Alice had informed me that everyone else had landed at the airport, I was more than happy to pick them up.

_"I'll go get them," I told Alice as we stood around in my grandparent's room. _

_"Such a good boy, Eddie," my grandmother, Elizabeth Cullen, patted my arm with a smile. _

_"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I grumbled. "We've just been in the hotel all day. I could use a little fresh air."_

_"I'll come with you, son. So you won't have to make the trip alone," my grandfather, Edward Sr., offered._

_"I'll be fine Gramps, it's barely even a half hour trip."_

_"Fine by me. Lizzy, my love, shall we take a trip down to the spa? I know you're probably a little stiff after that flight," Gramps said, leaving my sister and I alone in the room._

_"Thanks a bunch Edward. Jazz and I could use a little alone time," she giggled and I grimaced._

_"Gross, Al."_

_"Hey don't be pissed off at me because you're not getting any," she chuckled, pushing me playfully._

_"I get plenty, thank you," I mumbled._

Not anymore, _my brain trolled._

_"Yeah, I know."_

_My head snapped up. _

_"What do you mean?" I asked, hoping she didn't _actually _know what I was talking about._

_"I know about you and Bella," she shrugged._

_"She told you?" I groaned._

_"She didn't have to, you guys kind of gave it away."_

_"How so?"_

_She bit her lip and sat down beside me on the bed._

_"You guys can be pretty affectionate when we're all out together. Like that night at the bowling alley, you guys never stopped looking at each other. And every time we're out you're always joined at the hip. I know you've been through things together that make you closer than the average friends but after you guys stared hooking up you just started acting…different._

_And you guys seemed happy for awhile so I never said anything. Something's been off lately, though. Did anything happen between you guys?" she questioned, resting her hand on my knee._

_I covered her hand with my own and sighed, "We got into a fight of sorts. Well, not a fight so much as a, I don't know, breakup I guess?"_

_Alice squeezed my hand and smirked._

_"So that means there was an actual relationship to break up then?"_

_I shook my head._

_"Not exactly. It was more physical than anything. We said we wouldn't complicate it by adding labels and feelings and what not. It was supposed to be a friends with benefits type of thing until things got out of control," I finished as I cringed._

_"Oh, Edward," she said sadly, "Please tell me you turned her down gently."_

_"How do you even know that I had to turn her down at all? She could've been the one to turn me down," I defended._

_Alice scoffed, "Yeah, I doubt that. If there's one thing I know about you dear brother it is your lack of commitment to women, even a woman like Bella. It's ok, though, that's just how you are. We still love you," she nudged my shoulder slightly and her words caused me to frown even more._

_"I don't think Bella does. That's what caused the problem in the first place. She told me she was falling in love with me."_

_Alice was so still beside me that I wasn't sure she was really listening. When I turned to look at her she had her hand over her mouth in shock._

_"What did you say?"_

_I sighed, "I didn't say anything. I told her I had to meet Em and Rose for breakfast and I left. I haven't seen her since."_

_"And when did this happen?" Alice asked._

_"Sunday."_

_"Well that explains it," was all she said. It almost sounded like she was…disappointed._

_We sat in silence for several moments before I stood to leave. "I'll be back soon. What airline is everyone flying into?"_

_"Bella is coming from United and Rose and Em are on Southwest."_


	8. Chapter 7

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 7:

**BPOV**

I really did not feel like being on this flight. I wasn't in the mood to deal with everyone, especially Edward. I'd already put it off for a day, opting to travel alone instead of with the group.

Not that I assumed Edward would be a chatty Kathy, but I still didn't want to risk seeing him.

I felt _so _embarrassed and foolish when he left me in my apartment on Sunday. His leaving was clearly a ploy to get away from me and my declaration.

I honestly don't even know what came over me.

Hindsight is always 20/20, they say.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't hiding out for the rest of Sunday and Monday. Alice had called and asked if I wanted to go shopping with her for some last minute trip necessities, but I passed in the name of being busy with work. I told her that I was going to change my flight because I couldn't get out of work but I spent both of those work days at home, mentally prepping myself for the trial that stood before me.

Perhaps I was being a bit dramatic, but being around Edward after what had happened was going to be hard. If I thought I had no idea how to act around him when we started hooking up, then I definitely had no idea how to act around him now that we were on the outs.

Sure, we fought as friends but fighting as…whatever we were would be a lot different. I didn't even know where we stood at this point. It's not like we'd even fought. It was more of an unaddressed tension.

I sighed and leaned back into my window seat on the plane. Luckily I had another 5 hours before I was due to land in Houston. That gave me 5 hours to nap and gather my thoughts before meeting up with everyone.

Despite my best efforts, I stilled dreamed of that green eyed, messy haired man.

…..

I was startled awake by the bumpy tarmac as we touched down. It was another few minutes before I was fully able to disembark and head to the baggage claim.

When I got there, I saw Rose and Emmett sitting in a waiting area near the exits. Rose stood when she saw me and enveloped me in a hug. Emmett and I stuck to our usual fist bump.

"How was your flight?" Rose asked, walking with me to the conveyer belt that flashed my flight number over it.

"It was good, I actually nearly slept the entire way," I told her, thrusting my hands into the pockets of my lightweight jacket.

"I'm glad you got some rest. They've really been working you hard at the firm," she laughed, looping our arms and watching along with me as leftover bags circulated on the conveyer belt.

"Totally. It'll be nice to get away for a few days," I grinned, resting my head on her shoulder. "How long until Alice and everyone get here?"

Rose checked her phone for the time. "Al said Edward was coming to pick us up around 3:30. We were just waiting for your flight to get in but you arrived right on time so we should be good to go. I'll text him now just to make sure," she said as she typed quickly on her phone.

We chatted for a few minutes until we heard the signature iMessage notification and the phone was illuminating her face once more.

"He said he'll be here in 10."

Another beep.

I noticed that she scrunched her face as she read her messages.

"What's wrong?" I asked, looking over to catch a glimpse of her screen.

"Edward wants to know if you're ok," she said, and I saw her type the words:

_Yeah, she made it safely. We're at baggage claim now._

I refocused my attention to finding my bag and caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of my eye. I dashed away from Rose to retrieve it and when I returned to her side, she was holding her phone out for me to read. It said:

_I'm glad she's safe but ask her if she's feeling ok. _

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the phone.

_She said you should ask her yourself instead of going through me._

I handed back the phone and Rose read what I wrote.

"Is everything ok?" she followed behind me as I led us back to the exits.

"He's being a jackass. We haven't talked in days and instead of just coming to me directly he's trying to go through you. I'm just annoyed with him. I promise none of this negative energy is aimed toward you," I spoke as I dropped down in the seat beside Emmett.

"Edward?" he asked, and I nodded.

"I figured. I saw him Monday and he was all out of sorts. I assumed it was either something at work or something with you. Those are the only two things that ever get him going," he explained, and I had to bite my cheek to keep myself from asking for more details.

Instead I forced myself to chat about things like the weather and the party venue on Friday.

When Rose informed us that Edward was outside at the curb, my heart jumped. I followed them out of the doors to see him leaning against the car. His eyes were hidden by his Ray-Bans but I would bet my life that his eyes were on me. He moved to open the trunk of the Pilot and greeted Emmett and Rose when they reached him. Emmett began hauling the bags into the car and Rose hopped into the back of the car.

I'm pretty sure she was trying to give us some privacy, but I really wish she hadn't.

"Hey, B," Edward said, coming to stand in front of me on the curb. He was still standing on the street and I was on the sidewalk so we were a little more eye level with one another.

"Hey," I breathed, hesitating before I leaned in to give him a hug.

It was stiff and awkward and not like us at all.

I hated it.

Edward cleared his throat and spoke again, "I know we can't really talk here but before this whole week starts I just wanted to apologize."

"Edward, stop," I spoke, the words laced with a little more force than I'd anticipated, but that shut him up so…whatever.

"If it has anything to do with Sunday or the whole thing between us just don't bring it up. I don't want to talk about it," I stuffed my hands in my pockets and looked down at the gum spots on the pavement.

"Please, Bella. I didn't want it to be like this," Edward lowered his voice for only the two of us to hear. I could see Emmett loading the last bag in the car from the corner of my eye.

"You should've thought about that before you left me on Sunday, Edward. You can't walk out on me and ignore me for two days and try to talk to me through Rose and expect for everything to be ok. If you had anything to say, you missed your chance. That ship has sailed so let's just forget about it," I said. I didn't even wait for him to respond before I headed for the car myself, sliding in on the opposite side of Rose. She had left me the seat _behind_ Edward's.

God bless her.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I've been replaying the scene over and over in my head.

_"I'm in love with you."_

My biggest fear had literally come true. All the things that I had never meant to happen between Bella and I were now happening at warp speed. Maybe because we'd known each other for so long. Maybe because we're best friends.

_Were _best friends? I don't even know at this point

It's not that I didn't care for Bella. I cared more deeply for her than my own damn flesh and blood. She made me want to do and say things I haven't wanted to do or say since I was a stupid kid with a stupid dream of finding the elusive "happily ever after" everyone always talked about.

I just couldn't bring myself to utter those words. I couldn't put them out into the universe because as soon as I did I knew they'd come back to bite me in the ass. By not returning Bella's confession I was making things tense, but I would've doomed us if I had returned them without really feeling them.

Fuck, I don't know what I felt then. What I'm _feeling_.

And fuck Bella for being so dismissive about it. She told me she was in love with me and then just let it go. She understood that I couldn't say those words back to her so she just . . . let it go. She didn't cuss me out or throw anything. She just told me to forget about it. Even when I was rejecting her she was still trying to do what made me happy, which confirmed her confession.

_She was in love with me._

And I was the asshole who rejected her.

Yes, I loved her, but _that _kind of love? That was a road I'd traveled too often, surrendered to far too much before I learned my lesson. It was better this way.

That way no one got seriously injured.

I hoped.

After she arrived, Bella and I hadn't even made an effort to see each other. It had been four days since her revelation and after our first conversation I hid in the shadows like a coward, but she hadn't tried to come forward either so I guess we were two peas in a pod.

I had needed more time to work up enough nerve to face her again. The entire time we've been here I haven't actually spent any time with her. It's almost as if we've started taking shifts at being with my family. I liked to sleep in every morning so when I finally did meet up with everyone, they always told me that I _just _missed Bella. It was like she had a tracker on me. She knew just when to leave so that I would miss her. The only time I'd ever see her was when we all had dinner together, and afterwards she and Alice would always run off to talk about party stuff that I did not want to get involved in.

The next time I'll see her is tomorrow, at the actual engagement party.

_Fuck everyone and their goddamn happiness. Love is overrated._

I slept so restlessly that night. The anxiety I felt in the pit of my stomach kept me up all night. Despite my lack of sleep, when it was actually time to attend said party I was in a surprisingly good mood. I was going to see Bella, and that made me happy. Love shit aside, she was an awesome fucking person, and right now the thing I needed more than anything else was my best friend.

When I walked into the party that evening I was surprised. Alice and Jasper had actually managed to pull together a nice event in the short amount of time they had. Alice was a miracle worker, though, so I should've guessed.

Alice and Jasper had gone ahead to set up this morning, Rose and Emmett were nowhere to be found and my grandparents had actually wanted to arrive on time so I arrived by myself and mingled with people I'd never met. If I thought Alice knew a lot of people, Jasper knew _way _more. No wonder they'd decided to have their party in Texas. It would have been hard to get all of Jasper's family and friends out for an engagement party, whereas my family just included me, Alice, and our grandparents.

_And Bella._

It's like a fucking radar went off in my head as soon as she stepped in the room. I was standing with my back to the door but I could feel the way the air changed. Maybe my mind was just messing with me, but either way, Bella was here and she was gorgeous.

I almost didn't register that she'd walked up to greet me.

"Hey," she said, and I couldn't help but admire her.

I stood there in stunned silence. I didn't know we were talking currently but if this is what she wanted I would take it.

"Hey," I returned. My mind blanked on anything to say and an awkward silence fell between the two of us.

_Fuck. This is worse than I thought it would be._

I cleared my throat.

"You look beautiful," I told her with a genuine smile. The dark red dress she was wearing had just a bit of lace over the chest that extended all the way up to the neck and did nothing to hide her cleavage.

Just the thought of it had me sporting a semi.

"Thanks," she blushed and returned a smile that was just as genuine.

"Bella! Edward!" We heard Alice squeal over the low rumble of the crowd. She was approaching us quickly, pulling Jasper behind her. I had to admit, he looked _so fucking happy_.

"You guys made it!" she said, hugging the both of us at the same time, causing Bella and I to bump shoulders. It was the first contact I'd had with her since I fled from her apartment last week.

"I forgot that I didn't leave the directions from the hotel so I'm glad you guys found it!"

Alice started to ramble on about some other stupid shit that I didn't care about and I zoned her out. Being this close to Bella was making my stomach flip and my brain go all mush.

It's like she'd gotten even better looking over the past week.

I didn't have to worry about it much, though. Bella had pretty much avoided me like the plague, and I was starting to think she was more afraid of talking to me than I was of talking to her.

I swear that once when she was standing alone she spotted me coming towards her from across the room and bolted straight into some stranger's conversation.

Was she really that afraid to speak to me one on one? She was the one who had initiated contact tonight, after all.

The more I paid attention to Bella ignoring me the more foul my mood became. At one point I swore that I had Bella all to myself and the next thing I knew she was being whisked away by some prick for a dance.

I had to work really hard to suppress my irritation.

_She's not yours. She can dance with anyone she wants. _

_Except for this guy._

He was being a little too touchy-feely for my taste. I seethed from across the room, watching this asshole parade her around like some show dog. How dare he show her off like she came with him. Technically she came with me.

Ok, well technically not but we at least lived in the same state so that counted.

If anyone was going to get to spin her around the dance floor it should be me. I stalked over to the two with a purpose.

"Excuse me," I cleared my throat for both of them to hear me clearly. "Sorry to interrupt but would you mind if I cut in?" I asked all cordially. Isn't that what people do in these situations?

The guy nodded to me and kissed Bella's hand goodbye.

_Ugh._

Bella and I stood there awkwardly for a few moments before I was bumped from behind by another coupled and propelled forward towards Bella. She gasped as I bumped into her and used her waist to steady myself. I laughed at how cliché it all was.

"Care to dance?" I asked, putting a hand on her lower back.

She nodded silently and placed her hands on me.

More silence.

This was starting to get old.

"You know, I'm kind of bummed I haven't seen you all week," I said, trying to catch her eye. Her focus was trained on my shirt pocket.

"We've both been busy with our respective wedding party," she breathed, still not looking up at me.

I groaned internally.

"Is everything ok?" I asked, the concern evident in my voice.

"Everything is fine. Why do you ask?"

I tried to give her a pointed look. "Because you're doing that thing where you ignore me and dodge me whenever I try to come near you."

Her eyes widened, finally opening up into mine.

"That's not true. I've been entertaining people and meeting everyone. I haven't been avoiding you!"

"Bella," I spoke softly, my eyes searching hers for any kind of admission to what I was saying.

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

"Fine, I've been avoiding you,"

I stopped our dancing to stomp my foot in rejoice. I knew it!

"I knew it," I told her, giving her a pointed look. "Stop it," I scolded, shaking her body between my hands. She jostled and laughed, not the least bit annoyed at my antics.

"I don't know Edward, its awkward! I don't know how to act around you. I know that you don't…." she trailed off and I removed my hand from the small of her back to her chin. I lifted her face to look me square in the eye.

"Tell me," I stated simply.

"I know that you don't return my feelings so it makes it a little hard to be around you," she said, her tone never wavering.

She was very certain of what she'd wanted to say, I guess.

I sighed and dropped my hand from her face. Even though I'd been avoiding her for the very same reason, it was harder to hear from the other side. I couldn't say those words back but I couldn't _not _say them either.

"Do you remember what we said before this all happened?"

She nodded and stared at a point past my shoulder.

"No complications," she recited robotically. She was shutting down on me, I could tell. I couldn't blame her, though.

"Look," I started, searching for the right way to word this. "I need you, Bella. I need you so badly that I can hardly breathe when you're avoiding me. I'm asking you to do me a favor. I need you to forget about this, ok? I need things to just go back to the way they were."

I studied her face as I said the words and I could tell that she refused to show me the emotions she was actually feeling.

"Got it," she said, smiling that fucking thousand watt smile.


	9. Chapter 8

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 8:

**EPOV**

Over the next few weeks things had gone back to semi-normal. I could have happily fallen back into my routine with Bella, but I could tell she was much more hesitant to return to the way things had been.

I was sure it had to do with our "break up".

The cool, collected response I'd received from her at first had not shown to be her true reaction to everything. I could feel that she was much more distant than I could ever remember her being, but I knew that it would pass if I just kept on pushing her. We had survived fights before. Hell, we'd gone through the death of my parents, my crazy exes, our year of long distance friendship as Bella had gone to college and left me behind in Forks. We'd been through enough to know how to get through this. Or so I thought.

Granted, Bella was still very present in my life. After about a week of trying to convince her to show her face, she'd returned as her usual self.

Almost.

Some things were different. We could still joke around and hang out, but I noticed that she was always "on" with me, always putting her best foot forward. Her tendency to be overly happy and polite when we were together was unsettling for me. I knew her personality like the back of my hand. This wasn't her.

When I'd complain about a bad day or gripe about work, she'd listen attentively, she'd let me win almost every argument, playful or not. If we ever went out to eat she would refuse to let me pay her portion.

She was also decidedly less affectionate than she'd been in the past. I'd first noticed it on another night of bowling with our friends. She was sitting next to me in a chair behind the lane when I went to wrap my arm around her shoulder. She made a sudden move under the guise of "being thirsty" and needing to grab a beer. I waited for her to return but she never sat back down.

I watched her make her rounds and use every person in that room as an excuse to distance herself from me.

The next incident happened when we'd gone to the fall carnival at the end of October.

We'd been talking by one of the booths when I moved to push a piece of hair out of her face. She recoiled at my touch, grinned sheepishly at me and then pushed the piece of hair behind her ear herself.

She wouldn't hug me if I didn't initiate it, she wouldn't kiss my cheek goodbye or let me hold her hands to warm them from the cold air as I had always done. She wouldn't accept my offer of piggy back rides and would resist any playful shoves and nudges. She had become a stone wall to me, physically.

She'd never physically rejected my touch before. Usually I had my arm slung around her, or she was leaning in to me as we stood in line, or she had her head on my chest while we were watching a movie.

When we started our annual scary movie marathon at my place last weekend, she'd chosen to sit on the opposite side of the couch.

"Come over here, I grabbed us a blanket," I had already tucked myself under it so I opened the side to let her under as well. She just smiled at me and shook her head.

"No, it's really fine. I'm wearing these double layers so I'm already pretty cozy."

"I'm sure your peacoat isn't comfortable to wear in the house," I said shortly, and bit back the other comment I wanted so badly to say to her.

"I'm fine, Edward. Thank you," she said in that polite tone that I was growing to resent.

She spent the rest of the movie shivering. I purposely refused to turn on the heat or the fire because I knew she'd do this. She could be so damn stubborn sometimes.

That's when I officially knew something was wrong, but I had to test my theory.

Our schedules were really difficult to match up so I didn't get to spend any time with her until early-November when I invited her to lunch. It was a Wednesday and we usually made our Greek food run that day. I picked her up from her office and we spent the next hour downtown, eating our food and strolling around the small park nearby. As we walked I "casually" let my arm brush hers. I couldn't help but notice that she subtly put distance between us, stepping to her right to avoid the contact. When I managed to get close enough again, I "accidentally" brushed my hand against hers. Her hands were in her pockets no more than five seconds later.

I groaned internally, frustrated at the fact that she wouldn't let me touch her. I hadn't noticed how affectionate we'd been until she stopped acting that way around me. I couldn't deny that I actually missed it.

I could handle the end of our friends with benefits thing. I knew the sex couldn't last, but this was much worse. The lack of any physical connection, even the simplest touch, turned out to be glaringly more difficult than not sleeping with her.

Although I knew I shouldn't care because I had technically been the one to let her go. I had rejected her advances, so I didn't really have the right to complain, did I? When I asked her for things to go back to normal I was asking her to just be my friend, not a stranger.


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Some inconsistencies have been updated. Thanks for reading.**

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 9:

**APOV**

"Jesus, Bella, please tell me you're joking," I begged as I stood frozen in the doorway of the bathroom in her hotel room.

She had her back against the edge of the bathtub with her head in her hands. I stared in disbelief at the three white sticks lined up neatly on the counter top.

All three tests read positive.

"There's a chance they could be false," I said, my voice full of hope that I didn't actually have.

Bella humored me with a lifeless chuckle.

"All three of them, Ali?"

"It could happen," I shrugged. I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to do. Bella had always dealt with things in her own way. I would normally hug someone who was in this situation, but that's probably the last thing she wanted.

So I sat in silence as she began to cry. I would wait until she had let it all out.

We were in the bathroom for less than five minutes but it felt like it could have been hours.

My heart broke at the sight in front of me.

Not only was she feeling rejected and heartbroken, but she was facing this life changing moment alone. Distress should not be a feeling a woman experiences when she finds out she's pregnant.

I couldn't stop the tears from welling up in my own eyes. By no means did I think that Bella's pregnancy was a bad thing, but I knew that her circumstances were less than ideal.

My brother could be a real asshole, plain and simple.

Not that I would ever say this out loud, but I had warned Bella. I nearly pleaded with her not to get involved with him. I loved Edward dearly, but I couldn't deny that he was unprepared for this. He could barely handle Bella's feelings.

I asked a question to which I wasn't sure I wanted the answer.

"Are you going to keep it?"

Bella shrugged and hugged her knees to her chest. I could see the streaks on her cheeks from her tears.

"I don't know yet."

"Do you think you'll tell Edward?"

Bella shrugged again.

"I guess it depends on where we stand when its time to make that decision."

"How far along do you think you are?" I wondered aloud. Not that I wanted to know the details of my brother's sex life with Bella but I was curious about how long she had until she had to make a final decision about whether or not she would keep the baby.

"Well everything started between us in August so it could be as far back as two and a half months," she breathed out, burying her face once again. "I think I had my period around my birthday, though, so probably less than that; maybe five or six weeks."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Don't get me wrong, being pro-choice didn't mean I automatically wanted Bella to terminate the pregnancy, but I also hoped that she would have enough time to think these over without having to make a quick or hasty decision.

"Come on," I said, standing and extending my hands to her. She grabbed them gingerly and I helped pull her from the floor. "Let's go get some coffee or something."

"I don't think I can have much coffee, Ali," she laughed, and the sound flooded me with relief.

She didn't sound completely devastated.

"Fine, we'll go for sushi," I said with a straight face.

"You're an idiot," she laughed harder, pulling me in for a hug that I definitely wasn't expecting. I hugged her back tightly.

At least one Cullen would be around to support her.

…

BPOV

I smoothed down the front of my dress as I examined myself in the floor length mirror.

My hands came to rest over my stomach and I mentally kicked myself for being so careless.

Earlier today I told Alice that I wasn't sure when I had gotten pregnant, but I lied. I could pinpoint the week exactly.

About two weeks before my birthday I ran out of my prescription birth control and I kept putting off picking up my refill pack. Between my caseload at work and planning my birthday party I just let it slip my mind. I had my period the week before I turned 25, and I told myself that if Edward and I did slip up (which we did; _a lot_) I would take the Plan B pill.

It was my birthday week so Edward was being very…_generous. _I had let the emergency contraception slip my mind, and I picked up my pills the next time I went to the pharmacy.

I had only just remembered my mental lapse this week, which is what prompted me to buy the tests in the first place.

I was an idiot. I had told Edward I was in love with him after a month and a half of sleeping with him. I got pregnant after only four weeks of sleeping with him.

I couldn't decide which was worse.

On my way to the party I decided that for the sake of the baby, I would try to forgive Edward. If there was any chance that he and I would be parents together, I needed to make amends. I couldn't very well avoid the father of my child forever.

So right then and there in a taxi cab in Houston, Texas, I resolved to do whatever it took to look out for my child, even if that meant being just friends with its father.

….

You know that feeling you get when you're avidly trying to avoid looking over at someone? When you can feel yourself physically straining to keep your head from turning in the direction of the person you're trying to ignore?

I didn't have that, apparently.

As soon as I walked into the venue my eyes found Edward. It never ceased to amaze me just how incredible he looked in a suit.

Or in anything.

Or in nothing at all.

I shook the thoughts from my head as I made my way across the room towards him. Aside from Gram and Gramps and the soon to be Mr. and Mrs. Whitlock, I didn't know anyone else here. Rosalie and Emmett hadn't been around all day, but I assumed they were frolicking out somewhere in Houston. This was Rosalie's hometown after all, and I think it was the first time Emmett had been here. I'm sure they had a lot of sight seeing to do, but I knew they wouldn't miss this.

He had spotted me a few moments before I reached him, and the look on his face was hard to read.

"Hey," I breathed as I came to stand beside him. He had been talking to a few people who I assumed were from Jasper's side. Their hair, just like Jazz and Rose's, was a flawless blonde color.

He said hi back in a tone that was undecipherable, causing an awkward silence to fall between us. That seemed to be our new thing. But then he smiled at me and told me I looked beautiful and I almost melted right there.

"Thanks," I couldn't help but smile back.

I heard Alice's squeal before I actually saw her, but next thing I knew she had trapped Edward and me in a hug. Then she started talking about the party and I could see Edward losing interest in the conversation.

_Men._

"Alice, this party is gorgeous! I can't believe you pulled all of this together over the past few weeks," I mused, gesturing to the moderately sized ballroom that was elegantly decorated.

"You think? I'm glad you say that because I thought the centerpieces might be a bit much," she frowned, and I noticed that they _were_ rather large flower arrangements. If this was what the engagement party was like I wasn't even prepared for the wedding.

"They're perfect, Al," I smiled, squeezing her hand. I spotted the table of hors d'oeuvres and made my way over as Alice redirected her attention to Edward.

"Now what can we eat off of this table, baby?" I thought aloud, patting my stomach lightly. I'd only known about the baby for a handful of hours and I was already attached to it. I didn't even know if it was actually in there and I was already attached to it for crying out loud!

I chuckled to myself at my thoughts and I realized that I should probably confirm the pregnancy is real before I star eating for two.

After Jasper's parents made their toasts I was asked to dance by one of his college buddies. I think his name was Jared, but he was a bit of a mumbler so I couldn't really tell. He was very…_old fashioned, _and he decided that in true southern style, he would court me before we danced.

I laughed at the absurdity of it all. He was really funny, and I found myself actually being entertained by his antics. We had only been dancing for a few minutes when I heard Edward clear his throat.

"Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt but would you mind if I cut in?"

He sounded so formal that I couldn't hide the giggle behind my lips.

Jared just nodded and kissed my hand.

_Ugh. Too much._

When he left us alone Edward didn't exactly make a move toward me. We just stood facing one another until he was knocked into me by a couple that was taking their ballroom dance a little too seriously.

Edward's hands had landed on my waist and I nearly rolled my eyes at how cliché it was.

"Care to dance?" he asked, and I nodded, unable to focus on his face. I had spent the entire night ogling him from a far, acting as if I didn't care to give him the time of day. He tended to brush me off when I pursued him, so tonight I kept my distance in the hopes of showing him that I didn't expect anything from him.

It had worked like a charm; he had come to me.

"You know, I'm kind of bummed I haven't seen you all week," he said, and I had to focus on the pocket of his shirt to keep myself from falling into those deep pools in his eyes.

"We've both been busy with our respective wedding party."

_Focus, Bella, focus._

Edward sounded concerned, which was probably due to my lack of eye contact, "Is everything ok?"

"Everything is fine. Why do you ask?"

"Because you're doing that thing where you ignore me and dodge me whenever I try to come near you."

My eyes widened. That had caught my attention.

Was I really that obvious about it?

"That's not true. I've been entertaining people and meeting everyone. I haven't been avoiding you!"

I cringed, because the words sounded fake to even me.

"Bella," he said softly, and I had to look up at the ceiling to keep the tears that were prickling my eyes contained.

"Fine, I've been avoiding you," I conceded, and I jumped a little when he stomped his foot.

"I knew it! Stop it," He grabbed both of my shoulders and jostled me playfully. I laughed because the motion was actually pretty funny, and because he could be such a child.

I tried my best to explain my feelings to him without getting emotional. I didn't know how to act around him and throwing the possible baby in there didn't make it any easier to stay level headed.

He had his hand on my chin for some reason but dropped it after I told him what I had been thinking. I was a little shocked at his next words.

"Do you remember what we said before all this happened?"

It took me a moment to register what he was talking about, but when I did come to my senses I immediately felt the need to protect myself again.

When we had started this we had agreed that it would just be for fun. The fact that he felt the need to remind me of all of this now was frustrating and a little ironic. The day I found out I'm pregnant is the day that he wants to reinforce the no complications rule.

"No complications," I recited robotically. I couldn't look him in the eye for fear of him seeing my heart break all over again, so I focused on a spot over his shoulder.

When he told me that he needed me to forget everything, I realized that the only way to get back to where we were was to honestly let everything ok. Not only our fight but all the feelings I had felt over the last 12 years. All the new feelings I'd had over the last couple of months.

If he wanted a friend, then that's what he would get. If he wanted out of the complicated mess that we'd suddenly made then I would let him go. If I decided to keep that baby that may or may not be growing inside of me, he wouldn't have to be involved.

He wouldn't even have to know.

* * *

><p>"Oh come on, go on the ride with us. It'll be fun!" Rose pleaded with me, but I wasn't budging.<p>

"I just came to enjoy the booths, Ro. I don't really feel like making myself sick," I explained, trying to resist her pull on my arm.

"How about Bella stays with me and you get Alice?" Jasper asked, pulling my arm in the opposite direction as Alice skipped forward.

"Yeah forget these party poopers. They can hold our stuff," she said, removing her scarf and wrapping it around my neck. The two of them and Emmett laughed good-naturedly and headed for a ride call Spin Out. When I tilted my head back to see the top of the ride I got queasy, but it's not like it took much these days.

Jasper grabbed my arm and guided me to a bench nearby. I could see everyone else chatting excitedly in line.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and rubbing it to create some heat.

"I'm fine," I said warily.

He looked at me skeptically.

"Are you really?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I asked. Everyone was always asking me how I was doing. Was it really that obvious that something was wrong with me?

"I don't know you just seem off I guess."

"I'm doing great Jazz. I'd much rather talk about you, though. How is everything with the engagement? I know that Alice can be a handful," I smiled and he returned it easily.

"She is, but she's amazing and I wouldn't trade one second of this life with her. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't always been easy, but she's so different from that broken girl I met in college. I feel like she's finally found herself again and I'm just happy to be along for the ride," he continued to smile as he looked through the crowd at her.

I grinned and looked at my hands.

"Yeah, she's pretty great."

Jasper's phone buzzed in his pocket and he reached in to retrieve it. He read a text and laughed silently to himself before typing back vigorously.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Edward's out in the parking lot trying to find a spot and he's sending me some very colorful complaints," Jazz said offhandedly and stood up before extending his hand to me.

"Shall we?"

I looked at his outstretched hand.

"Shall we what?"

"Go get Edward from the parking lot. It'll take him forever to find us in this crowd," Jasper explained, and I had to agree with him.

"How about I just hold down the bench instead? You go find him and bring him back, that way we won't lose our seats,"

"You'll be ok by yourself?" he asked while walking backwards in the direction of the entrance.

"Positive. I'll wait here," I told him, settling down into the bench a little further. Jasper nodded and headed for the lots out front.

He returned a few minutes later with a delicious looking Edward and they both held even better looking caramel apples in their hands.

My eyes brightened at the sight of the sweet in his hand.

"Are you planning on sharing that?" I spoke up, eyeing Jasper's hungrily. Caramel apples were hands down my favorite treat.

"No," Jasper joked, pulling the confectionary treat out of my line of vision. I stuck my tongue out at him. "Edward has yours."

Edward sat beside me on the bench and I could feel time halt as his shoulder rubbed against mine.

"Here," he said, leaning over to hand me the apple, "I know they're your favorite."

"Mmmmmmmmm," I said in a delighted tone, grabbing it from his hands and taking a bite. The caramel was still a little soft and warm.

Perfection.

"Thanks," I said through a mouthful and he just winked at me.

"I'm going over to ask Alice if she wants a bite before they get on the ride," Jasper said, making his way over to everyone else who was now at the front of the line for the ride.

We sat quietly next to one another for a few minutes while I essentially made love to a piece of fruit.

"What took you so long?" I asked once I neared the core and there were less things to distract me.

"I was deciding on whether or not I should come," he said, and I looked over at him through a curtain of hair. The wind had really picked up and it did nothing for the mop on my head.

When I said nothing, he continued.

"I wasn't sure if you'd want me here," he glanced over at me and I smiled.

"You know you're always welcome, Edward. What happened between us is water under the bridge now. Besides, these are your friends, too. I can't keep them all to myself. Don't let me being around deter you from getting to see everyone."

I felt really badly for making him feel like he wasn't allowed to hang out with the group.

"I was more worried about seeing you, actually," he said lowly, and instead of answering I got up to throw away the remnants of the apple. I didn't know how to respond to him, so I just walked away. Maybe I was taking a bit longer than necessary at the trash bin because he followed me.

"After we went bowling the other day I kind of got the feeling that you don't really want me around," he came to stand in front of me and the light from the ring toss booth beside us illuminated his face.

"I would never want that," I told him guiltily as my bangs fell into my face once again.

Damn caramel apple. Sticky hands and hair just don't mix.

Edward chuckled and stepped closer to me, moving his hand up to the bothersome flyaways.

Before I could catch myself I was moving my head away from his hand. I couldn't let him touch me. If he touched me, he'd have control, and I couldn't have that.

Sticky hands be damned, I pushed the hair back myself and grinned sheepishly, hoping that movement hadn't come off as drastic as I had imagined.

He smiled sadly and lowered his hand, which made me guess that he had noticed.

"Good because it's almost Halloween, so you know what that means," his smile brightened and I was happy to have passed that awkward moment so seamlessly. I had to hand it to him; he was not easily deterred.

"Movies!" I said enthusiastically and he nodded in confirmation.

"Exactly! I have our entire line up already picked out. I figure we could start Monday off with something light."

"Let me guess. The Nightmare Before Christmas?" I smirked and he glared.

"Maybe."

I laughed because I knew him too well.

"It's a classic!" he defended, and I didn't refute his claim.

"I totally agree. We just never got to it last year so I figured it would come up in the next rotation."

We laughed together as I heard Jasper and everyone coming up behind us. Before I could turn Edward had grabbed my hand to stop me from leaving.

"So you'll come over to watch then?" He asked hopefully, and I had to admit that this was one of our traditions that I didn't want to pass up. Halloween was my favorite and if I was going to work on forgiving Edward I had to learn how to be around him again.

"Of course," I smiled.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you for your reviews and input. I have had the storyline thought out for awhile, so if this chapter does not fulfill your hopes then I apologize. I hope you'll still read. Enjoy.**

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 10:

**BPOV – November**

"Congratulations, Miss Swan. It looks like you've got a healthy baby. On your next visit we'll start testing for any fetal abnormalities," Dr. Barrett informed me as we wrapped up the pre-natal appointment.

"Oh, Bells, this is so exciting! We can start buying things for the baby soon!" Alice clapped her hands excitedly.

I had refused to let her purchase anything until I knew that I was in the clear. It had only been three weeks since I'd found out I was pregnant but Alice had made them the longest three weeks of my life. When we were alone she gabbed about the baby pretty much non-stop. From name ideas to color schemes to the baby shower, it just never ended.

"Not until I tell Edward," I reasoned, and Alice groaned.

"I'll just give you two some privacy," the doctor said. He looked grateful to be stepping out of the inevitably uncomfortable conversation.

When he had cleared the room Alice sighed and spoke again.

"You have to tell him soon. You're going to start showing sooner than you think."

"I know, I've just been afraid to. If its anything like our last conversation then I'd rather just put it off."

Alice winced at the mention of "the last conversation".

"This is different, we're talking about a child; _his child. _I think it'll be better this time."

"I don't think so," I mumbled.

"You haven't even given him a chance to redeem himself, Bella," Alice's tone had a bit of an edge to it that I really didn't appreciate.

"You're joking, right?" I looked at her with wide eyes.

She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm serious. If I have to listen to him complain one more time about how he feels disconnected from you I'm going to scream," she exclaimed, and I was taken aback by her sudden outburst.

"I've been trying my best to act normal," I said, dropping my gaze to my hands.

"Well you could stand to try a little harder. He's always grumbling on about how you're shutting him out and acting like everything is fine when it's not. I never thought I'd say this but I actually feel sorry for him! Sure, he acted like a dick and he totally screwed up by walking out on you but at least he didn't do it to purposely hurt you. You've been dragging him through the mud for weeks and I don't know how much more he can take," She almost sounded angry at this point.

Hot tears started to blur my vision. I wiped at them with the back of my hand.

_Do not cry, Bella. So help me God…_

"I'm trying, Alice, but it's not as easy as you make it sound. I can handle him rejecting me but if he rejects the baby, I don't think he and I will make it back from that."

Alice sighed, pulling me into a hug and resting her head on top of mine.

"He's the father, Bella, he has to know. You have to tell him."

Her pleading tone made me feel guilty. She'd been my support system for the last three weeks, and as much as I appreciated it, I knew I was looking to the wrong person. It wasn't her job to look after me or the baby. It technically wasn't Edward's job either but he had more of a responsibility than his sister did.

I wasn't being fair to her by making her hide it from him. It wasn't her secret to keep.

I nodded and felt a few of those pesky tears fall.

"I'll tell him."

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I sighed heavily as I dragged myself home from work. Today had been long and all I wanted to do was veg out in front of the TV. I was flipping through channels when I heard a knock at the door.

Surprisingly, it was Bella.

"Hey," I said as I opened the door with a big smile. "Is everything ok?"

Her brows furrowed, "Everything's fine, I just felt like dropping by. Is that ok?"

"Of course that's ok! Come in," I stepped aside to let her through the door. She hadn't been to my place in ages, but not for my lack of trying. I had pretty much used any excuse I could think of to get her to stop by but she always came up with some reason to steer clear.

"Sorry I didn't call," she started, "I was just in the neighborhood and thought I'd check in," she said, and her attention was caught by the small mountain of mail that was piled on the table.

"Stop it," I stepped forward to slap her hand lightly and take the mail from her. "You're such a hoverer. And since when do you have to check in on me?" I raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "I'll have you know that I'm actually quite responsible."

She let out a short bark of laughter, "You know, you're actually _not _that responsible. You killed my turtle when we were fifteen."

"Ok, first of all, that turtle was spawned from the depths of hell. He tried to snap at me every time I fed him," I said, pointing a finger at her. "Secondly, I thought the heat lamp had a timer."

"You're really going to try to defend yourself here? What about the time I let you borrow my iPod and you gave it back to me covered in ink?" she glowered.

"Are you ever going to let me live that down? It was an accident! And you're not exactly blameless," I pointed out.

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Really? Fine, what irresponsible things are you claiming I've done?"

I stayed silent for a moment while I feigned contemplation.

"Got it!" I snapped my fingers. "How about the time you didn't show up for jury duty and they put out a warrant for your arrest? For shame, Bella."

I tutted my tongue and she pushed me on the shoulder.

"That wasn't my fault, my dad never gave me the summons! And they didn't put out a warrant for my arrest, stop exaggerating." She smiled at me and nodded to the muted TV.

"What are you watching?"

"MTV, I think. I'm not sure, there was just a montage of people smacking into things so I left it on," I laughed, reaching for the remote to power down the screen.

"I was actually about to make dinner. Do you want to stick around?" I asked hopefully.

She drew in a long breath, "What are you making?"

"I'm making whatever you're in the mood for."

"Escargot?" Her tone was overly excited and I glared.

"Correction, I'm making whatever _food _you're in the mood for."

"Some people eat snails, Edward. Maybe they're really delicious, and you've been missing out this whole time," she challenged.

"That's highly doubtful, Bella. They're snails. It's just not natural," I shuddered.

She chuckled lightly before changing the subject, "I was actually thinking we could take a walk."

"Um…sure. What's the occasion?" I asked suspiciously.

"We need to talk," she stated simply, and I paled.

Nothing good ever came of those words.

* * *

><p>My mind was on overload trying to figure out what Bella wanted to talk about. We never actually got the chance to discuss what had happened before we ended everything so maybe she was finally ready to bring it up?<p>

The past month hadn't been easy. I can admit that walking out on Bella when she expressed her feelings for me was the stupidest thing I could have done, and I had paid a pretty hefty price for it.

Things were different between us and as hard as it was for me to accept, I had put us in this position. I had been the one to kiss Bella because I was too damn curious for my own good. I freaked out and left her alone in her apartment that day, and I had asked her to ignore her feelings. I wanted the both of us to act like nothing had ever happened, and that had caused her to respond to me the way that she did.

"You're making me nervous, B," I said, hopping to avoid a pile of suspicious looking liquid on the sidewalk. She hadn't said anything since we left my building.

I was letting Bella lead and I'm pretty sure she was subconsciously walking to her favorite bakery, which was only a few blocks away from where I lived. She had nearly begged me to rent my unit when she found out how close it was.

"I just don't know where to start, honestly," she shrugged.

"How about we start with an apology?" I caught her elbow to keep her from walking past me and she turned to face me.

"I was an ass. I should have never walked out on you like that. I should've stayed in bed and talked to you about it rationally instead of freaking out and running away," I rushed out while searching her eyes for any sign of understanding.

She bit her lip and looked up at me.

"That was a really shitty thing to do," she whispered.

"I'm sorry," I frowned. "I'll agree that it was a mistake but you have to know that I didn't do it to hurt you. I was scared and it all felt like too much. You were looking at me like you wanted me to say it back and I couldn't. I know you said you didn't expect it but I know that you at least hoped for it," I said, lowering my hand until it caught hers.

"And you think I wasn't afraid of what I was feeling? I know how you treat women Edward, why would I subject myself to that? I guess I thought things might be different between us but you left and made me feel like some cheap, quick fuck. The only thing I expected you to do was stay, or at least not ignore me afterwards."

"I _tried _to apologize to you afterwards," I groaned.

This woman was infuriating! She completely shut down on me whenever I did something to piss her off, and instead of clearing the air she refused to talk to me about it. How was that my fault?

"Only because you felt guilty and you wanted me to absolve you," she said accusingly.

"Of course I felt guilty, Bella. You're my best friend and I treated you like you were just some random girl. I'll take responsibility, but you have to at least own up to the fact that you haven't stopped punishing me for it."

"_I've_ been punishing _you_? It's been killing me to try and act normal around you!" she cried.

"Right, if by normal you mean talking to every single person in the room except for me. Meanwhile, I can't even brush up against you without you making some big fucking deal about it," I hissed.

Bella laughed coldly as she turned from me. "Fuck off Edward. You know damn well why you're not allowed to touch me. You made that choice, not me."

I grabbed for her arm to stop her from leaving. She wasn't allowed to bring up something like this and then walk away from it. I had too much to say; I was still too angry with her for treating me like I didn't mean anything to her anymore.

"Fine," I egged her on, "if you'll only be my friend if I date you then so be it."

She pushed me away roughly with tears pooling in her eyes and I knew she knew what I meant.

"That's not fair," she whispered.

"What's not fair," I said as I stepped closer to her, "is that I lost my best friend over this bullshit. I get it, you're upset that I wouldn't date you but how long are you going to hold it over me? I'm sorry I can't give you what you want, B, but it's not fair that you keep punishing me for a choice we both made. I thought we agreed to move past it. I just want things to go back to the way they were before you started acting like I kicked your goddamn puppy or something."

Bella's mouth gaped open and I swear that I saw something physically snap in her brain.

"God, how are you so blind?" she yelled, pushing me once again. "How the hell am I supposed to act when the one person I love most in the world tells me that I was a mistake? It wasn't a mistake for me, Edward! You have no idea how long I waited for you to notice me. I've wanted you for years and I never said anything because I knew it's not what you wanted. I sacrificed my happiness to make your life easier and just when I think you're about to see things for what they really are you go and act like the royal asshole you're being right now."

My mind stilled at her confession. She didn't have feelings for me before this. I was with her all the time, I would have noticed if she were ever acting that way toward me.

She was pacing in front of me and I could see the tiny droplets falling from her chin.

"I can't keep being your doormat. It has to stop."

I didn't have a response to that. Maybe I hadn't been the best friend to her lately but I wouldn't go as far as to say that she was a doormat. She was one of the strongest, most independent people I knew.

"Bella-" I started, but she cut me off before I could get any words out.

She wiped at her tears and continued, "At any rate, that's not what I came to talk to you about."

"What is it then?" I bit out, annoyed that she had cut me off. I was tired of the arguing and the fighting and the ignoring. My patience for handling things her way was wearing thin. I just wanted to get this sorted so we could get back to normal.

She closed her eyes and what she said next literally knocked the wind out of me.

"I'm pregnant."

The words hung in the air.

"You're…pregnant?" I repeated, unsure if I had heard her correctly. She nodded but she still had her eyes closed and I couldn't tell if she was serious or not.

"Have you, you know, been with anyone else since…everything?" I asked, and I knew that was the wrong thing to say. Her eyes snapped open and I could see the anger flash across her face.

"Are you _serious_?"

I swallowed hard and nodded, waiting for her answer.

She scoffed and shook her head.

"No, I haven't been with anyone else. I'm not like you, I couldn't do that."

"Like me?" I asked, and for some reason her words caused my chest to constrict.

"I don't sleep around," she explained. My expression turned a little darker.

"I haven't been sleeping around, Bella. I haven't been with anyone since you," I said angrily.

"Don't get upset with me, I wasn't trying to offend you. I was just making an observation. You don't have the greatest track record," she shrugged again.

Would she stop with all of the shrugging already?

I took a few moments to breathe and calm myself before this conversation got out of control. I would have to ignore her comment until later. For now, I had bigger concerns. "How far along are you?"

"Nine weeks," she informed me. "I found out when we were in Texas."

"TEXAS?" I shouted, causing her to jump.

"Yes, Texas," she snapped, "The day of the party."

"And the doctor confirmed it?"

I had to be sure.

She just nodded once more and I asked my final question.

"And you're _sure_ it's mine?"

Bella covered her face in her hands and let out a loud, frustrated cry.

"No its not, but since things are going so great with us I thought I'd try to pawn it off on you instead of the real father. What the fuck, Edward? _Of course _its yours!" she yelled, and I was caught off guard by her outburst.

"Calm down, I just wanted to be sure," I told her, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"The fact that I'm telling you that it's yours should be confirmation enough," she spat. "Look, I don't expect anything from you, ok? I just thought you should know because I think I'm going to keep it."

"Ok," I started slowly. "Should we get married then?" I gulped. If it were for a good reason, I could do it; especially with Bella.

She burst out into laughter and I stared at her wide-eyed.

She'd lost her mind.

She continued to laugh as I stood by uncomfortably. I wasn't sure why she was laughing so hard but she was kind of starting to scare me.

"Bella…" I snapped, hoping to break her out of her moment. She was being ridiculous.

Her laughter died down and she squared up to me finally.

"You're unbelievable! I don't want to get married. I really don't even expect you to be involved. At this point, I'd rather do it alone, but I told you because Alice practically begged me to."

I cocked an eyebrow, "Alice knows?"

"She was the first person I told."

I took a deep breath and let it out in one big puff.

"Why wouldn't you want me involved?" I asked sadly.

"Really, Edward?" Her tone held a hint of disbelief.

"Really."

She took a few seconds before she responded, "You broke my heart that day. I literally give everything that I am to you and you disregarded it so easily. If we have this baby then it will be the most important thing to me, and if you brush that off then I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive you. I'd rather you just stay away if you're still sowing your wild oats or whatever."

Was she seriously thinking about raising this kid herself?

"Bella, if we're having a kid together I'm going to be around. I want to try to make it work."

"Make what work?" she cocked her head to the side.

"Us, as a couple," I stated. I thought that I had been pretty obvious about it.

"Why would you want that?" she asked lowly.

I shrugged. "You know, for the baby. Stable home and what not."

She laughed darkly. "You made it clear that you didn't feel the same way as me. To be honest, I don't even know if I feel the same as I thought I did."

"You don't?" I asked, and a little part of my heart broke at hearing that. Bella said that she had thought about me that way for years. Had what happened over the past couple months really changed all of that so quickly?

"Not anymore, no. I thought that maybe I could make you feel how I felt but we've established it's just not in the cards for us, and that's fine. I don't need you to try to make it work. We weren't in love before the baby so there's no use in pretending afterwards." She said dully, crossing her arms over her chest.

"So you're saying you don't want to be together?" I asked slowly.

"Not unless you're in love with me, too." She whispered.

I was silent. I didn't have a response for her. Well, I did, but I knew it wouldn't be one that she wanted so I chose to say nothing.

"That's what I thought," she chuckled lifelessly before continuing, "I don't want you to propose to me because you think it's the right thing to do. I don't want you pretending that you're happy in a relationship that you don't want to be in. If you're going to be in our child's life then I just want you around. No running off when you get scared. I'll need you to stay."

"I would never leave you and the baby, Bells. I'm not going anywhere." I pleaded with her. For some reason I felt like she was trying to push me out of the situation, as if it would be easier to deal with if I weren't in the picture.

"Good," she sighed, nodded once conclusively.

"So what do we do now?"


	12. Chapter 11

_**A/N: Thank you for your reviews. I'll be responding today if you used a valid account.**_

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 11:

**EPOV**

I woke with a shiver, the cold morning air flowing in through the open window. I cracked one eye open and felt a rawness in my throat as I tried to swallow.

_Damn it, I really don't need to get sick right now. _

I'd stayed up all night tossing in bed thinking about what Bella had said when she told me about our pregnancy.

_"No running off when you get scared. I'll need you to stay."_

I rolled over and pulled the covers over my head to shield myself from the cold air that was spilling into the room.

My brain had been running tirelessly thinking about how this could have happened. I thought Bella and I had been safe. I'd always known that she was taking birth control but I never asked her the details about it. She never mentioned it so I trusted that whatever routine she had would keep us safe.

As much as it pained me to think about it, I knew for a fact that there had been guys before me, and she'd never told me about any pregnancy scares so I assumed she knew what she was doing. In hindsight I probably should've taken responsibility for it as well.

It had to be an accident. There's no way she would've tried to get pregnant on purpose in order to keep whatever we had going. I thought that she had wanted a relationship, which is why I had asked her if she wanted to get married, but when she turned me down I was mildly surprised. I didn't think she told me to get a proposal out of me, but I figured she's at least want to give a relationship a real shot.

She was so confusing.

I knew that Bella had always wanted to "do things right". Career, marriage, house, kids, etc. She'd always had a plan. Eventually I hoped she'd have those things but this baby definitely threw her plan off track. I felt a little bad about it considering I was the one to pursue her first.

_"To be honest, I don't even know if I feel the same as I thought I did."_

I sighed and tried to push the thoughts of our conversation out of my head. I turned to read the clock.

_7:52 am._

I felt bad about how we had gone about our discussion of the "I love you" incident awhile back but she was so infuriating. My apology turned into a fight and I would definitely have to ask her forgiveness. Admittedly, I was growing a little tired of doing so. I felt like I was always apologizing for something that I did to her.

I gave up on trying to be comfortable and decided to try my hand at a run. If I couldn't fall back asleep then I could at least be productive.

I pulled on my running gear and slipped my belongings into the pocket of my sweats.

It was freezing when I stepped outside and I could see my breath rising in small puffs with every exhale. I typically didn't run in 33-degree weather but today was a special occasion. I needed to clear my head.

Halfway through my route I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket.

_Alice._

"Hey," I said as I slipped my ear buds into my ears.

"Good morning sunshine. Your voice sounds weird, are you getting sick?" she asked concernedly.

"I feel fine I guess. I think I may be getting sick because I slept with the window open but that's nothing a little medicine can't cure."

"Let me know if you need anything. I think Jazz is trying to get sick, too. He's so pathetic when he's under the weather. I've been playing nurse all night," she explained.

"Gross, Alice," I grimaced. "I really don't need to hear about what you and Jasper do at night."

"Not like that, you buffoon. I mean I've just been taking care of him because he's not feeling well, my goodness."

"Still, don't even plant the idea in my head because I'll be scarred for life," I shuddered.

"Fine, that's not what I actually called about anyway…" she trailed off.

"What exactly did Bella tell you?" I questioned. Clearly she hadn't told her anything good if Alice was calling me at 8:30 in the morning.

"She told me everything and I've got to say that it's taking everything in me to not come over there and deck you in person."

"Deck me?" I asked, surprised. "As if you could."

"Oh I could. For Bella, I definitely could," she challenged.

"Ok, calm down, let me explain," I tired, but she cut me off again.

_Why did the women in my life keep doing that?_

"Oh, so you _do _have an explanation as to why you accused her of possibly having another person's child?" Alice asked impatiently.

"It's not like we were exclusive. She could've been with anyone! And besides, I didn't ask her if it was someone else's, I just asked her if she was sure it was mine," I mumbled, realizing how big of a dick move it was as I repeated it to Alice.

"That's no better. And did you actually ask her if you should get married?" Alice's voice was getting quieter, which meant that I could expect the explosion soon.

"I did. I thought that's what she would have wanted," I shrugged even though Alice couldn't see me.

"Yeah, because every girl dreams of getting proposed to like that," she scoffed.

I sighed, "Is this all you're really calling me to talk about? Maybe we can talk about something besides how I'm the most selfish person on the planet. It's starting to become old news."

"Maybe if you'd stop being the most selfish person on the planet you wouldn't get so much grief about it."

I scrubbed my face with my hands and let out a frustrated groan as Alice continued.

"Edward, you have to do better. You can't keep treating Bella like this. She's not some random girl, she's supposed to be your friend."

"She is my friend," I said as I turned back in the direction of my house.

"Then treat her like it and stop acting so foolish. You have to think of what's best for her now. Now that she's pregnant she really doesn't need you stressing her out."

"I've been doing what's best for her. I've been letting her lead. If everything would just go back to normal she wouldn't have to stress out. We were fine before all of this stuff happened."

"It was never fine and it's not going to go back to normal, don't you get that? You're brushing off her feelings like she's just another random girl but this is Bella. She deserves more respect than you're giving her. Why is it so hard for you to just acknowledge that things are different and go from there? Stop trying to control everything and just let it flow naturally."

"I feel like I have to control everything," I told her, and my voice sounded frantic to my own ears.

"Why?" she asked, exasperated.

"I don't know how to explain it! I just…I don't know, I was a mess our senior year, Al. Breaking up with Jane made me feel crazy. I obsessed over it for months and I was doing things that were so out of character that I hardly recognized myself. When I finally started to feel ok about it is when I realized that I at least still had my family to keep me sane. And then mom and dad had their accident and you went to school and left me in Forks and I just felt…lost. Every girl I met after that always tried to fix me, but I realized that I couldn't be fixed because I didn't even know who I was anymore. It was all so out of control, so from then on I promised myself that I would never let anything unpredictable into my life again."

I could barely make out Alice's soft reply.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I didn't know you felt that way."

I continued, "That's especially true for Bella. She's seen things in me that _you_ haven't even seen. She's such a big part of who I am and I couldn't risk losing her. If things ended badly between us, I'd be devastated. Her wanting nothing to do with me would kill me. I can't let us end up like that. I don't think I'll be able to handle it."

"You're driving her away, though. Every time to try to push things back to how they were before you push her further away. You're manipulating her into doing what you want so you're comfortable but you're having a kid together. It's never going to go back to how it was."

"I'm not manipulating her," I objected.

Alice huffed, "You are, you just don't realize it. Since you moved to Seattle how many guys have you chased away from her?"

I stayed quite for several moments before answering, "That's not manipulation, I was trying to protect her. Those guys were all pricks and I didn't want to see her get hurt."

"Hurt by who? Assholes like you who use her for her body and then ignore the next chance they get?"

Her tone was accusatory and disdainful.

"That was different," I murmured.

"No it wasn't. You're not different, you're worse because she trusted you. You hurt her more than anyone else could have or ever can, because for some reason she's still in love with your sorry ass. She deserves better, and if you can't be that for her then let her go so she can find someone who can," she was almost shouting at this point.

"It's not that easy, Alice. I need Bella but I need to keep the control, too."

"Well, figure out which one is more important to you. You're not allowed to have both."

The line went dead and I growled in frustration.

As much as I hated to admit it, she was right. I wouldn't confess it to her out loud, but Bella and I couldn't continue on the path I was leading us down. I had to stop fighting the inevitable.

For the first time, I let myself admit that I had fallen in love with Bella, too.


	13. Chapter 12

**_A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and suggestions. This story has been planned for a while, so while I do appreciate suggestions about characters and plot line, I most likely will not change it. Many thanks; enjoy._ **

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 12:

**BPOV**

_This strategy plan will literally be the death of me_, I thought as I rubbed my temples. My newest client was a business owner that needed help with her image for a company she was starting. She was so controlling that I considered paying her to not be my client.

"Hey Bella, can I talk to you about the Marx guy for a second? I just wanted to verify the last of the billing with you," Ben had popped his head into my office.

"Sure. I was about to go to lunch but I can squeeze it in before hand if you want," I gestured for him to have a seat across from me.

"Great, its just a couple of things and then I can let you go," he said as he dropped a cumbersome file on my desk.

My eyes widened slightly.

"We're not reviewing all of this are we?"

"No, not at all. I just need you to look over this and sign a few lines before I submit it to Bellingham."

Ben and I were both reading our respective documents quietly when I heard someone clear their throat at the door.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a second? In private," the receptionist Katherine asked, stressing the word private.

I looked at her cautiously, "Of course. Ben, just give me a second."

Katy had started to move her hand in a quick come hither motion, letting me know that I needed to walk faster. When I reached her she pulled me further down the hallway by my arm, out of Ben's ear shot.

"What the hell?" I hissed, trying to loosen her grip on my arm. She loosened her grip a little and smoothed down her dress.

"There's a ridiculously good looking man at reception asking for you, and I'm pretty sure he's my soul mate," she fawned, and I craned my neck to see Edward standing in the lobby holding a pink bakery box.

"Should I send him back?"

"Uh….give me a second, tell him I'll come out," I smiled.

"I'll tell him. What's the story with him anyway? Is he single?" she asked as she ogled him shamelessly.

"Its…complicated," I said, untangling my arm from hers and heading back to my office.

"Edward is in the lobby, did you want to come out and see him?" I asked Ben, hoping that he would give me the buffer I needed to talk to Edward without things getting out of control. I was still pissed off at him for yesterday, and I needed to stay in the lobby and use Ben as insurance that I wouldn't blow up on him here.

_"And you're sure it's mine?" _The words rang in my mind again.

I scowled at the thought and tried my best to suppress my emotions, lest Ben catch on.

"Why can't he just come back here?" Ben asked as he stood up.

"He's on his lunch break so I don't want to keep him too long," I lied.

We walked down the hallway and I called out to Edward. I tried to sound as cheery as possible but it came off a little fake.

"Edward, hi!"

He turned to face us and his smile faltered slightly as he spotted Ben.

"Oh Ben, I keep forgetting that you work here too. Sorry man, I would've brought you some lunch if I had remembered, but I only got two croissants," Edward said apologetically.

"No worries, I actually just ate. Bells and I were just finishing up some paperwork but I have other things to do so we can worry about it after," he smiled and shook Edward's hand as I was mentally rolling me eyes.

"Perfect. Bella, would you care to join me?" Edward asked, extending the box to me. I took it begrudgingly and turned to Ben.

"Are you _sure _you don't need to finish up that paperwork now? It's really important, I don't want you to have to put it off because of me," I said, hope in my voice.

"It's nothing that can't wait until you guys get back," he smiled, and I nearly burst into flame from anger right there. Ben and I really needed to work on our non-verbal communication. I turned to Edward to see him flashing his perfect teeth at me and my heart softened because he was too enticing for his own good. For anyone's good, really. Especially mine.

_Stop it, Bella._

"Shall we?" he asked, holding his hand out for mine.

After yesterday I had decided that I needed to stop hoping for Edward. I poured my heart out to him and he still ignored it, and that was the absolute final straw. There was a small part of me that always came back to him, no matter how much he disregarded me, but for my own sanity I realized that needed to let it go.

"That's so thoughtful of you but actually, I wanted you to meet a friend of mine," I said as I walked toward Katherine and pulled her up from her seat. She grinned widely at me and greeted him enthusiastically.

Edward didn't bat an eyelash at my refusal to take his hand.

"Hi, I'm Katherine, nice to meet you," she shot him a smile and they shook hands.

_"_Edward, nice to meet you," he said, immediately refocusing his attention to me.

"I can't make it to lunch because I just remembered that I have a call with my new client but Katherine hasn't taken her lunch yet so maybe you two could go together?" I said as I shoved the box back into his hands.

"Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that. I was really hoping that we could talk," he said disappointedly, his eyes searching my face. We stared at each other momentarily before he tilted his head to the side. I knew what his eyes were saying, that he was non verbally pleading with me to talk to him.

"How about I get in touch with you later? I've really got to take this call," I tried my best to sound apologetic. He simply nodded and his smile returned.

"Ok, I'll let you get to work then. Katherine, how do you feel about turkey, avocado croissant sandwiches?"

_Noooo,_ my mind screamed. I loved those sandwiches!

"I've never had one but there's no time like the present," she giggled as I noticed Edward throwing one last glance my way as the pair exited the building. I had to turn my head before he could catch my eye.

Ben and I walked back to my office in silence.

"You wanna tell me what that was about or do I have to keep pretending like I haven't noticed there's something off between you two?" Ben asked, and I looked up to see him still examining his document.

"I'd rather not talk about it," I said quietly.

He merely nodded.

"Here's the next page I need you to review…"

* * *

><p>"How long do I have to stay like this?" I managed to sputter out.<p>

"Shhhh. Work on your breathing," Rose muttered out of the side of her mouth.

"I don't even like yoga, why are we doing this?" I grumbled, straining to hold my position. My legs didn't stretch the way this position required them to.

Rose breathed deeply and exhaled at her leisure. I rolled my eyes at how she was exaggerating to make a point.

"It's supposed to help with your nausea and increase your circulation. Plus you're supposed to feel really bonded to your baby, and your fellow classmates," she whispered with a smile.

"I'm only doing this because you promised me a cupcake."

She shushed me, refocused her attention and the room fell quiet, save for the "soothing ocean sounds" CD playing in the background.

"Rose, I'm really bored," I whined, standing up. "Let's just pretend we've done an hour and go have some dessert instead!"

She slumped in defeat, "Fine, but don't get mad at me when you're throwing it up in a few hours."

"It's my right as a pregnant woman to satisfy my cravings."

"You've been pregnant for like a day," she joked as we rolled up our mats.

"I'm almost ten weeks, and it's going by so slowly. I'm not even showing and I already want this thing out of me," I complained. "My emotions are out of control and I have to puke all the time, not just in the mornings."

"How about we focus on the positives, huh? In less than 30 weeks we'll have a beautiful new addition to our little family," she grinned widely.

"In less than 30 weeks I'm going to have to give birth to this thing. I wasn't blessed with child bearing hips!" I cried as I turned off the CD player.

"Calm down, you'll do great. Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

I smiled. "I haven't thought about it. Either way I'll be happy, as long as it's healthy."

"I hope you have a boy so we can dress him in dapper little outfits and I can post him all over my Instagram as my man crush." Her laughter was infectious and I couldn't help joining in.

Just then, my phone buzzed. It was Edward.

_Are you home? I'm leaving work now and I was hoping you'd let me stop by._

"If it's a girl what are you going to write for pictures with her?" I asked, amused.

"Maybe…hashtag besties, hastag new auntie, hashtag love of my life? Things like that," she listed off. I laughed at her ridiculousness.

"What would Emmett say if he found out he wasn't the love of your life anymore?"

She plopped down on the couch. "Who cares? Babies trump everything."

My phone buzzed again and I read the message from the lock screen.

_Please B?_

I sighed and typed back:

_I'm home_

"Rose, promise me you won't leave tonight, ok?" I begged, hiking up my knee to rest on the arm of the couch..

"Why?" she drawled slowly.

"Edward's coming over and I don't want to be alone with him," I informed her and she looked at me skeptically.

"That's exactly why you _should _be alone with him. You guys are clearly way off track and as much as I hate to vouch for Edward, I think maybe some time alone will do you good. You can talk and get it figured out because, frankly, everyone's getting a little tired of the Edward and Bella show."

I stepped back in surprise.

"Look," she said, scooting closer to me, "I love you both but he's the father of your child, you're going to have to learn how to be around him. I get that he broke your heart and it really sucks but you're going to be parents together. If you can't learn to be around him then it's going to make everything a lot harder than it has to be."

I let out a breath and crossed my arms defensively, "Fine, you can just leave now, then."

She looked surprised.

"Are you kicking me out or something?" she asked as she stood.

"Your words, not mine," I replied, looking her directly in the eye.

She let out a huff and grabbed her bag.

"You guys are so screwed up. I just want you to be happy, ok? You're making yourself miserable and I know you'd feel better if you just talked to him," she said as she went for the door.

I immediately felt guilty. She could be brash and unapologetic but she was never malicious. This is how she was trying to tell me that she was concerned. I understood that about her, but I felt bad that I still let it bother me.

"Rose," I called out, following her.

She turned to face me and I enveloped her in a hug. Her arms wrapped around me a few seconds later.

"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to kick you out. You just hit a soft spot," I said softly. "I know this whole situation is so stupid but it's hard. I'm doing the best I can."

"I know," she said, and she squeezed me once before we released each other.

"Call me if you need anything," she added.

"Of course. Get home safe," I waved after her.

Twenty minutes later I was standing back at my door, this time to welcome Edward.

"Hey," I said, offering a slight smile.

"Hey, can I come in? I brought dinner," he said as he held up several plastic grocery bags.

"You brought me raw food? How thoughtful," I laughed, moving aside to let him in.

He dropped the bags on the counter in the kitchen and turned back to me.

"Yes, I brought raw food but after I cook it hopefully it won't be too bad," he said.

I cocked an eyebrow, "You're going to cook me dinner?"

His face held an expression of mock hurt. "Is that so unbelievable?"

"For you, yes," I retorted and tried to sneak a peek in the bags. "What have you brought me?"

"Do you remember what you asked me to make for you last week?"

I made a face as I racked my brain.

"Escargot," he filled in for me as he pulled out a black can of snails.

I nearly threw up on the spot.

"Edward, no," I struggled to catch my breath. Even the thought of snails floating in that can all slick and slimy just…oh god, I couldn't.

Edward laughed heartily and set the can down, coming forward to rub my back. I was hunched over with my hands on my knees.

"I'm joking! Take a deep breath," he chuckled, rubbing his hand in a smooth circular pattern. "I brought spaghetti and meatballs. Except these are turkey and spinach meatballs."

I took a deep breath and hoped this wave of nausea would pass quickly.

"And why are we adding spinach to the meatballs?"

"Because I read that it's good for the baby," he said seriously as he ushered me to the couch.

"Where did you read that?" I asked, leaning my head back on the couch with my eyes closed.

"In the baby book I bought," he said simply.

I cracked open one eye.

"You bought yourself a baby book?"

"Well, yeah. I bought a few actually. I just want to make sure that I know what to do in every situation. I don't want any surprises when it comes to your health or the health of the baby," he said sternly. I began to giggle at the look on his face.

"Are you laughing at me Swan?" he glared.

"No, not at you, just at this whole situation. I never thought I'd see the day that Edward Cullen would be reading baby books," I smiled.

"Yeah, well, Alice and I had a talk and she recently enlightened me on the error of my ways," he brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck.

"What did she say?" I asked skeptically, sitting up fully now.

"I would tell you but that ship has sailed. I came to your work because I wanted to talk about it over lunch but you sent me on a date instead," he said. I thought I would hear anger in his voice but all I heard was amusement.

"It was terrible, by the way. She didn't like the croissant which is like an automatic thhhhhpt," he showed me a thumbs down and I laughed.

"Well, I'm sorry. I mean she's cute and she's smart so I figured you'd be happy," I shrugged. I hope that my voice sounded sincere enough to pass that off.

Silence passed between us momentarily.

"Why are you trying to set me up on dates, Bella?" he asked and I could hear the seriousness in his voice.

_Because the less focused on me you are the easier it will be for me to get through this without going mental. I need to show the both of us that I don't need you to be happy._

It took me a few seconds to think of a less honest response.

"Well, you and I aren't going to happen, and you said you haven't been with anyone since me so I thought maybe I'd help you out a little bit."

I fought the pain that was rising in my voice.

"I don't want help with that, B," he said, coming to sit on the coffee table in front of me. "I just want to be able to focus on you and the baby, ok? Whatever you need."

I didn't realize that it was actually something that could have bothered him. He sat unsmiling so I nodded.

"Ok, sorry."

He sighed and leaned forward to grab my hands, "When Alice and I talked she told me some things that really made me think about how I've been treating you. And not just since our whole thing but before that. Back in college I made you a promise that I would never hurt you again, and since that day hurting you seems to be the only thing I've done. I'm sorry."

His defeated tone caught me off guard. I hadn't expected him to apologize, let alone understand that there was something that I would have liked him to apologize for.

"It's ok," I said, squeezing his hands.

"No it's not, and I'm going to spend as long as it takes making it up to you. You need to know how much I really care about you."

I was getting lost in his eyes so all I could do was smile and say, "Ok."

He smiled back and stood up, making his way back to the kitchen. I followed after him to see him loading groceries into the fridge.

"That looks like a lot of stuff for just spaghetti and meatballs," I perched on a chair and watched him unload the bags.

"That's because it's not all just for tonight. According to the books, you need a steady, nutritious diet. So, I've stocked you up on some essentials like," he reached into the bag and pulled out a container, "Greek yogurt. Apparently it has calcium, which is vital to baby's development."

"Ok," I grabbed the container from him, "yogurt it is. You're going to have to plan my meals out because there's no way I'm going to know what goes with what."

"Well, if it looks like a breakfast food, eat it for breakfast. If it's a fruit or vegetable, eat it at any time of the day. And if it looks like a dinner item, I'll probably end up making it for you," he chuckled.

"Edward you don't have to make my dinner for me every night," I protested.

"I know, but when I do have the chance, I'd like for you to let me. I've got a lot of time to make up for," he said as he grabbed the tub of yogurt from me and placed it in the fridge.

"Now," he clapped his hands together, "spaghetti time."

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Things between Bella and I had been going surprisingly well after our conversation that night. We were far from having everything figured out but we at least had cleared the air. I'd been at her house for dinner every night for the past few weeks and it was the first time since our fall out that I felt like we were finally finding our groove again, which was funny considering that it took the exact opposite of things going back to normal for things to actually feel normal again.

Alice had been right; letting go of control had brought about the changes I wanted in the first place.

I was getting really excited about Bella and I becoming parents. Even with everything still fucked up between us romantically, every little new thing we got to discover was like a mini-adventure. As my excitement for the baby grew, so did my feelings for its mother. Not that I'd tell her that because she had made it pretty clear with the whole Katherine thing that she wasn't concerned with anything happening between us.

It seemed like she was making every effort she could to let me know that she didn't expect a relationship from me, but the more she pushed the more I felt pulled to her. She could be so stubborn. Even with the baby coming, she was still giving me every opportunity to get out.

It was ironic how we had switched roles. Just when I could finally admit my feelings for Bella to myself, she decided that it would be best if we just stayed friends. I had turned her down more than once but when she admitted that she was ok with moving past her feelings I realized my mistake. Alice had warned me to put her needs before my own, and since she had said that she didn't feel the same way as she had before, I attempted to temper my feelings for her. It was all very backwards, and I could feel my resolve to stay away from her break every time she looked at me.

One night I had asked her to dinner and a movie, using a lack of wanting to cook as my excuse to get her out of the house for a change. I didn't ask her as if it were a date but it felt a hell of a lot like it. If I couldn't tell her about my feelings then I could at least show her, hoping she'd catch on and bring it up. I put in a little extra effort by showing up at her house with flowers and I couldn't help the grin that had overtaken my face when she blushed and stumbled on her words as she accepted them.

We shared popcorn and a soda and I made sure to only get one straw. She fought me on it, naturally.

"Grab another straw, would you?" She said from behind me as she held the mountain of candy she had begged me for, claiming that her pregnancy cravings made her want all of it. I just laughed and bought whatever she pointed to.

"I'm fine with one straw," I brushed her off and she frowned.

"No one wants your germs, Edward," she scoffed.

I turned my back to the condiment stand and started walking directly towards her, using body language to signify that I wasn't going back for a second straw. She wouldn't let me intimidate her though, and she just stood there as I rounded on her. I had expected her to back up as I moved forward but she held her ground until our fronts were nearly touching, stretching her neck to look up at me.

"You're pregnant with my child, B. You've never had a problem with my germs before," I laughed, chest bumping her, and she conceded.

"Don't be crass, it was a momentary lapse in judgment," she scoffed, turning away from me to lead the way to the theater. My heart tightened at her words. "Once the baby is born you can't hold this whole pregnancy thing over me anymore."

When we were in the theater I felt myself itching to touch her. I knew grabbing for her hand would be too forward so I opted to sling my arm over the back of her chair. She didn't seem to notice because she never looked over at me, and I regretted my decision because it made it even more difficult not to touch her.

I was so focused on her that I don't even remember what we watched.

On the way back to the car I gave in to my urge and wrapped my arm around her as we walked. She leaned into my side and continued her normal conversation and something in me just felt so _right _in that moment. For the first time in forever it felt like we were both right where we needed to be; next to each other.

The next week we went grocery shopping and I could feel us making some leeway. She looped her arm through mine and rested her head on my shoulder when I said something that made her laugh, and my heart soared at the gesture. She was starting to feel comfortable enough to initiate physical contact again, and I almost couldn't contain how high I was from that one simple touch. I had to, though, because I didn't want to push her.

It was unusual to me to have to suppress how I was feeling. Hell, it was weird to even be feeling this way in the first place. For the first time since high school I was nervous to be around a girl, and for the first time ever I was nervous to be around Bella.

This was our new normal, though, and I had learned to live with it. We were returning to the pre-friends with benefits Edward and Bella, but the feeling of longing never dimmed within me, and being so close while simultaneously so far was torture. Every time I felt myself wanting to say something about it, I stopped. If I told her how I was feeling there was no way she'd believe me. She'd think it was because of the baby and that would set us back. The situation was complicated; it needed to be handled carefully.

When thanksgiving rolled around, we had long since fallen into a new routine.

"Edward, come on. You're taking forever. You let a pregnant woman get ready faster than you," I heard her yell from the living room.

"Stop rushing me, Alice always says that dinner starts thirty minutes before it actually does. Everybody knows that," I said as I straightened my tie in the bathroom mirror. I don't know why the hell Alice always made us dress up for Thanksgiving anyway.

"Well hurry up, I promised I'd help her set the table," she yelled back.

When I walked out to the living room she was standing by the door with our coats in her arms.

"Thank you," I said as I took mine from her and slipped it on, and she started to follow my lead.

"Bella!" I gasped. She stilled her movements.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head and grabbed her coat from her, and she rolled her eyes and turned so that I could help her into it.

"You know the rules," I laughed.

This would normally be the part of the routine where I kissed her forehead, but I hesitated. She hadn't let me do that in awhile, but in light of our recent interactions, I decided to chance it. I grabbed the front of her jacket and puller her to me and she merely smiled back.

We made our way to the car in the rain, only having been in the car for a few minutes when I saw her lean her head back against the seat and breathe deeply.

"What's wrong? I asked.

"I just got really tired all of a sudden."

"I'll have you home in two hours, tops," I said. I hesitated before I reached for her hand.

"I'll bet I can get us out of there sooner than that," she smirked. "Being pregnant has its advantages."

"How far along are you now? Twelve weeks, right?"

She opened her eyes and I could see the wheels turning in her brain.

"Yep, twelve weeks. Which reminds me, I have an appointment next week," she informed me.

"When is it? Maybe I could come with you," I offered excitedly.

"Its on Tuesday at 3, I think but you don't have to go," she waved me off.

"I want to go," I protested. "I've never been to one of these things before and it's for you so I have to be there."

"You don't _have_ to be there," she stressed, and I could hear a little irritation in her tone.

"I didn't mean it like that," I sighed. "I was trying to say that I _want _to be there."

"Sorry," she said, letting her head fall back against the seat once more.

I heard her speak a few minutes later.

"It would be nice if you went."

"Then I'll be there."

We didn't say anything further but she squeezed my hand in acknowledgement.


	14. Chapter 13

_**A/N: This chapter was written and posted from my phone. Each chapter has mistakes but there may be even more in this one. This story is also unbetad so please take that into consideration. Many thanks; enjoy.**_

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 13:

**BPOV**

When we got back from Alice's that night I had gone to bed pretty much straight after arriving. I was already lying down when Edward came to say goodnight.

"I'm heading out, do you need anything else?" he poked his head into my bedroom.

I yawned, "I'm fine. I'm full and sleepy and I have the sound of the rain to lull me to bed. I doubt I'll even wake up until Saturday."

He laughed.

"Ok, I'm leaving then. I'll lock the door behind me," he moved to leave and I called him back.

He popped his head in again and waited for me to speak.

"I just wanted to say thank you for everything," I said as I sat up. I patted the spot next to me on the bed and I saw him hesitate before crossing the room to join me.

"Don't mention it, B. What are Edwards for?" he asked, batting his eyelashes and covering my hand with his.

I made a gagging noise, "The way you're blinking just looks painful."

He scowled at me before exhaling a gust of breath into my face playfully, causing the hair framing it to flutter. I crinkled my nose and batted at him, trying my best to ignore how his playfulness lately made me absurdly happy. I didn't realize how much I had missed this part of us until now.

"I also want you to know that I'm really glad that I have you to go through all of this with. I know that we had a rocky start and that everything was unsure at first but now it feels like the most natural thing in the world."

He just smiled and pulled me in for a hug.

"It wasn't the best start and believe me when I say that I regret that everyday, but we're in a great place now. I'm excited to see what the future has in store for us."

We pulled apart and he leaned in to kiss the side of my head. My eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of his lips.

That was when we heard the sound of the building losing power. Everything in my apartment went dark and it had suddenly become dead quite, save for the ticking of my analog clock.

I puffed out a long breath, "Damn it, not again. I swear my landlords planned this. It happens the same time every year."

"That because the storms come the same time every year," he reasoned. "It's an old building. Next year, we'll remember to set out the blackout kit when November starts."

Pft. As if either of us had ever had a real blackout kit prepared.

"Anyway, I'll let you sleep. I'll text you when I make it back ok."

"Wait!" I cried. I couldn't make out his form in the dark so I wasn't sure how far he'd gone.

"You don't have to yell," he chuckled, "I'm right here."

"Sorry," I smiled apologetically, although I'm sure he couldn't see me. "I was just wondering if maybe you'd consider…staying with me? Until the power comes back on, at least."

"Of course," I heard his voice drift through the dark and I sighed in relief. Blackouts were creepy, I didn't want to be alone.

_Keep telling yourself that, girl, _my mind rattled off.

I heard rustling and the sound of his shoes being kicked off as I reclined again and faced the ceiling. I felt Edward sink down beside me, his shoulder touching mine. We let the stillness surround us as we lay side by side in bed.

"You would think that the black out would make me tired but it actually kind of woke me up," I muttered after a few minutes, tucking myself further into the bed.

"That's funny because I wasn't even tired and now that I'm in bed I don't want to get out," he said through a yawn.

"You don't have to leave if you don't want to," I said, turning to face him.

He turned toward me as well. My eyes had adjusted enough to the darkness so that I was finally able to make out his face.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable or think i'm going to try anything."

"You know, there was a time when we slept in the same bed without worrying about having sex," I joked, regretting it almost immediately. Even mentioning the words sex when Edward was around ignited a fire within me, in spite of the fact that I knew I was supposed to be moving away from those types of thoughts. Not that it mattered anyway, as he'd just made it clear once again that he wasn't interested.

He breathed out a laugh and pulled me closer to him.

My heart was racing and my stomach was starting to tingle. I continued talking to distract myself, "I don't feel uncomfortable. We know where we stand and things are back to the way they used to be. Everything is back to normal, finally," I said as I faked another yawn to cover up the crack in my voice. Saying it out loud made it much more difficult to deal with.

Silence enveloped us again until I head Edward mumble, "Can I tell you a secret?"

My eyes snapped open.

With us, nothing good had ever come from those words.

"What is it?" I whispered.

"I'm really fucking sorry about how everything turned out," he started.

"Edward, don't, it's fine-"

He ignored my plea. "You were waiting for me to come to my senses and I couldn't and I fucked it all up. Now I really regret it because everything is back to normal and it's not even close to what I thought I wanted," he said sleepily, and I wasn't sure if he was awake enough to know what he was saying.

"If I could go back and do it all over, I would. I'd make the right choice the second time around."

I never responded. I simply sat with him until I drifted to sleep myself.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my cell alarm beeping. It was still drizzling from last night and everything was overcast, shrouding the room in a weird, gray aura. I looked at my phone, it read 5:30 on the dot.

I blinked the sleep out of my eye and glanced over, only to see Bella's back. Her head was on my arm and I'm pretty sure it was completely dead. I considered moving but I didn't want to wake her, so I took the opportunity to snuggle back up to her.

She had barely let me touch her over the past few months. We were just now building up to simple gestures of affection, so any shred of contact I could get was always appreciated.

Her hair had that familiar fruity smell and it reminded me of the first night we'd been together. The memories flooded back to me. The way she'd felt underneath me, her soft skin and her ridiculously sexy mouth.

I shook the thoughts from my head.

If I wanted Bella to take me seriously I couldn't bring sex into the equation. That's what had gotten me into trouble the first time and I couldn't let her think that that was the only reason I wanted her.

Now that I recognized the feeling of being in love, there wasn't a day that I could remember where I wasn't in love with my best friend. I had spent so long trying to deny it that I couldn't realize that I'd had these feelings all along.

She and I had always had good chemistry as friends. I could talk to her about anything. We'd always had similar interests, our sense of humors matched up perfectly, and our emotional connection was beyond any other connection I'd had with anyone.

In the end, though, it had taken the physical intimacy for me to open my eyes up to the truth about my feelings for her. It made me realize that I'd had it wrong all along. I didn't want companionship and romance to be separate. I wanted them both, and I wanted them with her.

If she would let me.

I heard her say my name and stir beside me. I leaned in closer as she called me again.

"Edward?" she said sleepily.

"Hmmm?" I responded. My voice was too rough to actually say any words.

"Your feet are freezing," she said and I laughed.

I flattened my toes against her calf and she squirmed, trying to push me away.

"Stop, you're draining all the warmth from my body," she grumbled and pulled the covers tighter around herself.

I just chucked as she curled herself into fetal position, her head disappearing below the comforter.

"You snored, you know," I said through a yawn.

"I was just so tired. I'm still really tired. Why are you trying to talk to me at…5:35 am anyway?" she had twisted her neck to read the analog clock, which took her quite a few more seconds than it should have.

"Because I'm a morning person, and you're such a great conversationalist when you're grumpy," I said. She just hummed in response.

"And I'm starving."

"You ate like 6,000 pounds of turkey yesterday, how are you hungry?"

"And I might've also told Alice we'd go Black Friday shopping with her," I squinted as I neared the end of my sentence, waiting for the impact.

Whack!

There it was.

"Why would you promise Alice, of all people, that we'd go shopping with her?" Bella said through gritted teeth.

I rubbed my shoulder. "Because she's excited to buy stuff for the baby and so am I so I told her we'd go. We can't go without you because you have to pick stuff you like."

Bella groaned into the pillow before replying, "You do realize that you literally picked the worst day of the year to go shopping with the worst person to ever go shopping with, right? We're probably not going to be back until this time tomorrow!"

"Right, but you forget about our secret weapon," I wriggled my eyebrows.

She looked at me skeptically, "And what would that be?"

"The baby," I smiled.

* * *

><p><strong>APOV<strong>

"Well aren't we a happy bunch?" I smiled widely as I opened the door to Bella, Edward, and Emmett standing before me, all wearing similar looks of dismay on their faces.

"Fuck you, Alice," Bella grumbled, passing by me and making a beeline for the couch, where Jasper was currently passed out. Emmett and Edward followed her lead.

"Love you, too," I sang after her. She only got away with it because she was pregnant.

"Edward, are you wearing the same clothes from yesterday?" I wrinkled my nose.

That could only mean one thing.

I resisted the urge to smirk in his face.

"Bella's power went out when we got back so I stayed with her. I didn't have anything to change into," he shrugged, not giving me much to go on.

I made a mental note to talk to him about that later.

"So, it's just us. Rosalie refused to be here for this because she sucks and we all hate her now, so grab your mug of coco and let's head down. Christmas season has officially begun!" I cheered, moving to hand everyone the mugs I had prepared just before they'd arrived.

"Can we get real coffee somewhere?" I heard Emmett mutter to Edward, who quietly agreed.

Our first stop was the Westfield closest to us. I had convinced Bella to go to the Gap Kids sale and the boys wanted to check out other stupid stores that I had no patience for.

"Gap is this way, Bells," I said as I pulled her sleeve. She was a little more cheery since the hot coco so she walked along side me contently. It was actually behind me more so than beside me because there were so many people, but the point remains the same.

"We're heading to GNC," Emmett said, all three of them walking in the opposite direction.

I was browsing with Bella when I heard her say, "You guys are done at GNC already? That was quick," and I saw Edward standing beside her.

"No, I just decided that I'd rather be here with you, looking at baby stuff," he said simply, bringing his hand up to rub the back of her neck. I could see the smile spread across Bella's face.

It was the same smile that spread across mine.

_Good job, Edward._

"I don't even know what kind of stuff we're allowed to get without knowing the sex of the baby yet," Bella said as she rifled through a rack of baby jackets.

I shrugged, "Just basic stuff. Onesies, socks, hats, those kinds of things."

We ended up only purchasing a few essentials because their selection was terrible, but I promised Bella we could go to Babies R Us after.

"That's ok Al, I don't think I'm up for all of that today," she said, patting her stomach as a cop out. Damn her.

"Fine, but we're going to miss all the good sales," I tried to convince her, but she wasn't having it. So we settled for looking at department stores.

We eventfully found Emmett and Jasper and met up with them in the food court. It was astronomically packed so when we found an open table Bella agreed to hold it for us while we bought food. Edward and I were standing in line for pretzel dogs when I glanced over and noticed a dark haired guy standing by our table talking to her.

They were smiling and laughing about something. My eyes narrowed.

She wouldn't dare flirt with another guy while she was pregnant with my brother's baby. I knew they weren't together but that just seemed cold. I glanced over to see if Edward had noticed and apparently he had because he was wearing and expression similar to mine.

Instead of stomping over there like I assumed he would have done, he clenched his jaw and refocused his attention on the menu above the cash register.

"Edward -" I started, but he cut me off.

"It's fine, Alice," he said tersely.

"It's probably not what it looks like," I offered, hoping that would be of some sort of help.

Edward sighed, his eyes never leaving the menu, "Even if it is what it looks like, it's none of my business."

The line took another fifteen minutes despite being one of the shorter ones. By the time we returned to the table Bella was by herself again. She eyed the trays of food carefully and beamed.

"Mmmmm…is any of that for me?" She asked with bright eyes.

"Yeah, I just got you a pepperoni pretzel," I said, resisting the urge to be a total bitch to her for flirting with someone else in front of Edward. Well, not technically in front of Edward but near Edward.

"Thank you," she said, taking the foil wrapped item from me.

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

We ate in silence and it took everything in me not to ask about who the hell Bella had been talking to. As soon as I saw the guy my instinct was to go over and tell him to fuck off but Alice's words replayed in my head and I stayed rooted to my spot in line.

I couldn't keep Bella from exploring those options. She wasn't my girlfriend, just the mother of my child.

That sounded so backwards.

Admittedly, seeing that had put me in a funk. I wasn't in the mood to be cheery and get in touch with my inner Christmas spirit as Alice had put it. I just wanted to get Bella back home so that we could go on living in our own twisted little bubble. It was so much easier when it was just the two of us. When we were out, it was a different story. She was always getting noticed by guys because she was gorgeous, but this was the first time I really wasn't allowed to interfere.

I was itching to say something but decided against it. Things were going so well with us that I didn't want to start a fight. We'd had enough of that lately and we were finally getting to a good place.

"So, who was that guy that was over here earlier while we were in line?" Alice asked.

_Bless you, Alice._

"Just some guy trying to convince me to go to his kiosk. He was flirting more than anything, though," she said offhandedly.

_Ugh._

"Yeah, I could tell he was flirting from all the way across the mall," Alice quipped, and Bella's eyes grew wide in agreement.

"Right? He was so over the top about it. I pretty much told him to piss off because he was overly aggressive but even if he were nicer about it I still would've told him to kick rocks. I'm pregnant for goodness sake. I'll worry about dating later," she laughed, talking through a bite of pretzel.

My heart was torn in that moment. I couldn't decide if I was happy that she wasn't interested in dating anyone or unhappy that the reason was because she was pregnant, not because she was interested in me.

Before the conversation could progress any further Emmett and Jasper showed up at the table with their trays.

"Oh, here," Bella said, standing up and gesturing to her seat. We all looked at her as if she'd grown an extra head.

Emmett shook his head, "No, Bella, I'm not taking your seat. You're a woman and you're pregnant. What kind of asshole do you take me for?"

She pouted, "Please take my seat? I'm almost done eating anyway. Plus a pretzel is easier to eat standing up than your Chinese food anyway."

"No, I'll find somewhere else to sit," he said, looking around the food court for a single seat.

"Sit on my lap, Bells," I perked up, grabbing for her hand. I pulled her down with a plop into my lap and she turned to look at me skeptically for a bit before replying, "Are you sure? I probably weight a ton."

"I'm sure, and you're fine," I replied, wrapping my hand around her waist and resting my head on her back.

Emmett chimed in, sliding into Bella's vacant seat, "Yeah are you sure? Her sitting on your lap is how you guys got into this mess in the first place."

His laughter boomed and I swear Bella's cheeks turned the brightest red I'd ever seen. Alice punched Emmett in the arm.

"Gross Emmett, you're just being crude!"

"You know, it's fine. I actually wanted to go to bath and body works anyway," Bella squeaked, shooting up off of my lap. She was clearly embarrassed by what Emmett had said. I frowned and glared at him. He simply shrugged and made an apologetic face.

"I wanted to go too, Bells. Can you wait for me? I'm almost done," Alice asked.

"Ummm… ok, well I'll just…head into Francesca's while I wait," she said and shot off in the direction of the stores.

"Way to go, Em," I said through gritted teeth, putting my pretzel on the tray and going after her.

"Well she did, technically," I heard Emmett trying to defend himself before Alice and Jasper both sighed loudly.

I found Bella buried deep in Francesca's. I'd never been in here but it looked like it just sold a bunch of random stuff. She was looking at a rack of necklaces when I approached her.

"Don't listen to Emmett, he's an idiot," I started and she turned in surprise before returning her attention on the jewelry.

"No it's fine. Technically he's right, that _is_ what got us into this mess in the first place," she chuckled humorlessly.

"He didn't mean it like that, nobody thinks its a mess," I tried to reason. Truth be told, I don't know how he meant it, and maybe people did think it was a mess. "What we had was more than just sex. You know that, right?"

She shrugged wordlessly and I groaned internally. Two steps forward, one step back.

Why was this so hard?


	15. Chapter 14

**_A/N: Another (small) phone post. Sorry for the mistakes, I'll fix them when I get back to a computer. Thank you for everything, please enjoy. _  
><strong>

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 14:

**BPOV**

"Do I have to tell my dad?" I groaned, moving my feet to rest on the chair in front of me. Even for 2:45pm on a Tuesday, it was unsurprisingly empty in my OBGYN's office.

Edward chuckled, "Bella he's going to figure it out sooner or later. By the time Christmas rolls around you're going to be showing."

"Can you just tell him for me, please, Edward? He has a soft spot for you, he won't be as upset with you as he will be with me," I whined.

"You say that like we're two teenagers who got caught with their hands down each other's pants. You're an adult, B, he understands that. Plus, if you're afraid to tell him, why would I want to?"

"Because you don't want me to get murdered by my own father. You know, I'm so sick of his double standards. In high school he practically congratulated you when he overheard us talking about you losing your virginity, but when he found out that Tyler kissed me he got all upset," I ranted.

Edward snorted, "That's because Crowley was an idiot, not a boy. He got his tongue stuck to the flagpole. The same tongue that kissed you that year, mind you."

"It was one time!" I cried as I threw my hands in the air. "Besides, I would've gotten more play if _someone _hadn't been cock blocking my entire life."

"I have no regrets," Edward said proudly, and I chucked my lip balm at him.

I hated when he said stuff like that because it made me think that this thing between us was more.

He caught it effortlessly and tucked it into his pocket.

"Please, Edward?"

He sighed and looked at me squarely, his tone sobering, "Bella, as much as I want to be there for you, I can't go back there. There are too many memories. I don't think I'm ready to handle all of that yet."

His honesty and sincerity had surprised me. We rarely talked about his parents, their death or about everything that happened afterwards. It had taken him a long time to heal and I didn't want going back to Forks to reopen old wounds. Neither he nor Alice had been back since they left.

I nodded in understanding, hesitantly placing my hand on his leg and my head on his shoulder. "You're right, I shouldn't beg you to do this with me. I would never want to force you to go through that."

I felt this head come to rest on atop mine, "I'd do anything for you Bella. I just can't do that particular thing right now. Maybe we can tell him together before you go back."

"It just doesn't feel like something you tell your parents over the phone. I'll just tell him when I get there. My mom will protect me," I hoped aloud.

I flipped through a pamphlet about pre-natal nutrition as Edward stared at the silent TV hanging in the corner of the room. It was some hospital endorsement about gestational diabetes.

_God, since when was being pregnant such a health risk?_

Edward's voice drew my attention back to him.

"There's something I want to ask you but I don't know how you'll react," he spoke up again, his leg bouncing beneath our hands.

"We won't know until you ask me," I replied calmly, but my curiosity was raging on the inside. Since his somnolent confession a few nights ago I had been on high alert.

"I've spent a lot more time at your house than usual…"

"Mhmmmm," I drew slowly.

"More than I spend at my own house, probably. Eating dinner together and then going back and forth every night..."

He rambled on as the bouncing only grew more vigorous, causing me to apply pressure to his knee to slow him down.

"Just spit it out!"

He drew a deep breath.

"I was thinking that it might be smart if we considered moving in together."

I pulled a face and angled my head to look at him.

He was asking because of the baby. I already knew that, and yet I asked him why.

"We're going to be a family," he simply shrugged. Just as I suspected.

_You and the baby will be family._

_The baby and I will be family._

_You and I will not be._

These thoughts were at the tip of my tongue before I caught myself. He looked at me so hopefully, all nervous eyes and sweaty palms. He was nervous because he knew I'd say no, because he knew me well. I wanted to say i'd refuse to move in with a guy just because he and I were having a child, but it was Edward so my heart kept my brain from rationalizing aloud.

As I began to shake my head he turned to me.

"Bella, just think about it. We're already together 24/7, we wouldn't have to buy two sets of everything, we'd save so much on rent - "

"Bella Swan," the nurse called, cutting him off.

I collected my belonging, Edwards following behind me.

As I was checked by the nurse I tried to distract Edward from revisiting the topic. I talked about anything that came to mind. If he pushed the subject, I wouldn't be able to say no to him. I had never been able to say no. He was my weakness, and I'd do anything to make him happy.

My love for Edward was my fatal flaw.

But when the doctor stepped in and started the ultrasound, I didn't miss the way Edward's eyes lit up as he saw our baby for the first time.

"Holy shit, Bella, that's our baby," he said in amazement, his hand finding mine.

My heart swelled with appreciatiom for him in that moment. Not as my best friend or the man I was desperately trying not to be in love with, but as the father of my child who was so eager to love the little miracle we had created. He stared on anxiously, kissing the hand of mine that was entwined with his, and in that moment I knew that my ability to resist his offer to move in had been shot.

I knew then that despite myself, I wanted us to be a family, too.

* * *

><p>"Jesus, Bella, why couldn't you just hire movers?" Emmett strained out from behind a stack of boxes.<p>

"Because you guys are cheaper. Pizza and beer is way less expensive than having professionals help me," I called out, taping up the last few boxes from my living room.

"I get to pick the pizza place," he retorted as he disappeared out the door.

Edward and I had spent the last few days packing up my apartment and finding someone to sublet until the lease was up in summer. It was relatively small which meant there wasn't much to pack but it still took my army of friends to help move everything. The problem with consolidating two apartments into one is the amount of shit that you end up with at the end of the process. His apartment was minimally decorated, so many of my items added a much needed homey touch, but we quickly realized that we had no need for two couches, microwaves, or office desks. Deciding who would keep what was the hardest part.

In the end choosing to move to Edward's apartment was much more realistic than moving to mine. He had enough space for the nursery and for me to have my own room, so we got to skip the awkward conversation about sharing one bedroom.

Not that I would've minded.

Even though I should have.

I was supposed to be getting over Edward, not moving into his place and thinking about how much I wanted to share a bed with him.

_Decorum, Bella, _I scolded myself as the guys came in to pack up the last few items.

As promised, we had dinner at the fanciest fucking pizzeria Emmett could find. It wasn't even in Seattle, that's how much of a pain in the ass he was being about it, but it was pretty damn delicious so I couldn't knock him for it. I bought everyone a round of beer like I had promised, the company and conversation was so light and carefree. We talked and laughed like it was a normal occurrence for two friends who had a failed friend with benefits relationship to move in together because they were having a child.

It made coming home to Edward every night that much better.

The weeks after I officially moved in had been a huge adjustment. I learned things about Edward that I'd never thought to wonder about before. Things like his morning routine and how he was so anal about loading the dishwasher properly. Stupid stuff like that. Nothing I couldn't handle.

The first week at his house was spent unpacking. I ended up having to move some of my stuff to storage but I didn't mind. I liked having it there as a safety net. Keeping some of my stuff packed away and ready to go helped me keep perspective on the situation. I wasn't completely moving in with Edward, just enough to appease him.

_Right._

The second week was spent settling in. Making a few finishing touches every night when we got home from work, eating dinner in front of the fireplace and talking about our hopes for our baby.

I was with Rose in wanting a little boy. Doing hair and talking about periods was never something I looked forward to when I thought about raising a child.

Edward wanted a girl, though.

"Hopefully one who looks just like you." His thumb ran across the flesh of my cheek.

My blush followed his path, which is as much as I would let on about my feelings for him.

Things were changing. Every night spent with him, whispering our insecurities and divulging our hopes, was another brick that crumbled from the wall I'd built to protect myself. My mind was always so stern against his advances, but my heart was soft, exposed.

It's like we were closer. He was always the closest person to me, but our impending parenthood brought us together better than sex or years of shared secrets ever did. Before it was Bella and Edward, friends and friends with benefits, but this was us as parents. It was much more intimate, much more cohesive. Up to this point, we'd been an inseparable pair.

As soon to be parents, we were a single unit.

I had suspicions that he felt the same way.

I wasn't unperceptive to the way he was acting towards me. The way he touched and looked at me now, a far cry from the way we'd acted after that day in my apartment. I tried to steel myself, knowing that it was his primal instinct to act that way towards the mother of his child, but I couldn't help but wish that a few of those differences were aimed towards me as a woman.

My determination slipped a little everyday.

* * *

><p><em><strong>p.s.- EPOV next chapter <strong>_


	16. Chapter 15

_**A/N: Thanks for your patience, everyone!**_

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 15:

**EPOV**

The rest of our Back Friday trip was relatively uneventful. It took some convincing on my part to get Bella to finish out the trip without wearing a paper bag over her head. She only agreed to do so because Emmett had apologized.

_"I'm real sorry Bells, sometimes I don't think about the shit I'm saying until its already out. I thought it would be funny."_

_She smiled lightly at him as he shrugged. "It's not a big deal. It was funny...kind of."_

It bugged me that she seemed embarrassed about our pregnancy. I understood that it hadn't happened like she'd hoped but I couldn't help but notice how the idea of us having a baby together wasn't growing on her the same way it was growing on me.

I'd been spending most of my time at Bella's house lately; not that I minded. Admittedly, I was there way more than necessary, but the baby was too good of a reason not to use.

My urge to spend as much time as I could with her didn't keep me from realizing how drained I felt at the end of each day, especially when I'd leave for work in the morning and get home just before midnight. I could never pass up a chance to spend time with her, so every offer for movie watching and late night chit-chat was welcomed.

I knew it would be easier to live with her than to keep running back and forth between our apartments, but i knew she'd balk at the idea of sharing a place with me. The more I thought about it, though, the more I talked myself into approaching her.

We still had so many things to deal with. Neither of us had done any baby prepping. We both avoided talking about it but each day that passed by gave us less time to strategize. The baby was due in summer, giving us less than six months to figure everything out.

Ideally, I wanted to live with Bella and the baby, and as much as I liked Bella's apartment, it was smaller than mine so I knew moving in with her would be cramped. She only had two bedrooms, meaning her office would need to be turned into a nursery. That would either exile me to the couch or force me to sleep with her - which would not have bothered me in the slightest - but after everything that had happened between us, I knew it wasn't an option.

My next best option was to offer my place. I was sure she'd fight me every step of the way, which is why I was surprised when she actually agreed to my idea later that night.

_"I'm heading out guys," she called to Emmett, Rose, and myself. Rosalie groaned and grabbed for her as she stood from the couch._

_"No, don't go! We're about to play Mario Party."_

_Bella laughed apologetically. "Sorry babe, I've got a meeting in the morning or I promise I would stay."_

_She collected her things as I stood to follow her._

_"Bro, don't tell me you're leaving too," Emmett implored._

_I shook my head as I crossed the apartment. I pulled on my shoes and coat, saying, "I'm just walking her out."_

_We didn't say much as we walked to the car. Bella's voice was so quite that I barely heard her when she spoke._

_"I think you may be right. Giving this two parent household thing could be good for the baby."_

_I grabbed her arm to stop her. I thought I heard her tell me I may have been right but I wasn't completely sure. _

_"Woah woah woah, what did you say?"_

_She faced me, a small smile playing at her features. "I don't think us moving in together is a terrible idea."_

_My smile grew wider as I gripped both of her shoulders. "You're agreeing to move in with me? You, Bella Swan, are agreeing to an idea that I came up with?"_

_She was still fighting a smile as she stood stiffly against me. I grabbed her arms and wrapped them around myself and she resisted playfully, her smile breaking out into a full, heart stopping grin._

_"I'm agreeing that moving in would be the smartest choice for dealing with the baby. At least until we figure out what we're doing and then we can go from there," she spoke, her voice muffled slightly by my shirt._

_I was smart enough not to ask for clarification twice._

* * *

><p><strong>Two weeks later<strong>

"What about this?" I held up the sticker attached to a crib for Bella to see. She inspected it closely before her eyes widened.

"Edward, that crib is $670! The baby is only going to sleep in it, we don't need to spend that much."

I shrugged and flicked the tag away. "I don't know what I'm doing! I'm just picking what looks nice."

She laughed and examined another tag a few cribs away. "Yeah I can tell, you've only pointed out the most expensive stuff since we've been here."

"I have no clue how much baby supplies are supposed to cost," I shrugged. "I really just came to help you lift the boxes."

She turned to glare at me.

"You were the one who jumped on Alice and Rose's bandwagon when they suggested looking at baby stuff. Don't even try to blame this on me."

"I only agreed because you refuse to look at anything for the baby. We don't have that long until you deliver, we've got to shop sometime." I argued and she rolled her eyes. She was probably getting annoyed at me bringing this up so often.

"That's not true, we bought that newborn bathtub on Black Friday. Oh, and those cloth diapers Alice swore we needed. And I'm not putting it off, I'm just waiting until the baby shower," she added. "People bring you gifts and stuff."

My eyebrows shot up.

"Seriously?"

She nodded, continuing, "Remember that girl Ashton from college who got pregnant my sophomore year? She had a baby shower and I think people brought her enough diapers for like a year."

My eyes bugged out.

"What other kind of stuff can you get?"

"Anything you register for, really. Clothes, toys, furniture if the person really loves you. Anything," she shrugged. "You pretty much just make a list of what you want and show it to people and they pick out stuff to buy you. It's really cool."

"Why aren't we doing that then?" I asked, observing some space age stroller that looked way too complicated for my taste.

Bella scoffed, "The baby shower isn't for awhile. We could have waited but you were so insistent upon doing things this way."

"I'm just excited," I justified. "Summer couldn't come fast enough."

"Speaking of summer," Bella smiled mischievously over her shoulder. "I'm not getting you anything for your birthday. Its close enough to our due date that the baby can technically be considered a birthday present so I'm exempting myself from gift duty this year. Is that even a word?" She finished, returning her attention to the items in the aisle.

"It is," I answered. "And what about Father's Day?"

Bella's eyes widened as she turned to me, "Holy shit, Edward! You're going to be a father this year."

I grinned widely and puffed out my chest as she continued, "It just hit me that this is actually happening. We're having a baby."

I shook my head in amusement as I watched her. Bella, my eternally calm and collected best friend, was freaking out about something. In all our years as friends I had rarely witnessed her freak out over anything. Aside from the conversation where she revealed her pregnancy, she hadn't freaked out in ages.

"You're freaking out," I voiced, reaching for her pacing form.

"Hell yeah, i'm freaking out," she scoffed, stopping in front of me. "There's going to be someone in the world who calls me mother. We're going to be responsible for a person! How the hell are we supposed to raise children? I'm still a child myself!" She cried.

I grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Calm down, we'll figure it out. We always do," I reassured her, kneading her shoulders playfully with a smile. She merely looked on with wide eyes and took a deep breath before pulling out of my grip.

"The baby's going to be your Father's Day gift, too," she muttered, turning her attention to a rack of baby food.

"That's so unfair," I shook my head and chuckled. "I expect four gifts next year then: two for my birthday and two for Father's Day."

"How about just one really big gift?"

"I will take one massive gift. Like another baby," I joked.

"Another baby?" She cried. "We didn't even want this one. How the hell are you asking for another one?

I cocked my head to the side, "I thought we did want this one. Isn't that why you never...terminated it?"

She shook her head. "I didn't mean it like that. _Of course_ I want this one. I just meant that we didn't plan for it."

"So we'll plan for the next one," I said simply, tugging at the bottom of her hair.

"There's not going to be a next one. One is enough."

"Oh come on, we have to give our kid a sibling. You were an only child and look how you turned out," I grimaced jokingly.

Her mouth fell open and she pushed my shoulder.

"Fuck you, I came out just fine. You're the messed up one and you had Alice," she stuck her tongue out.

"Oh come on, don't you think it'd be easier if we just had them together? Same last name, same killer DNA."

"Forget about it, i'm only planning on making this mistake once," she said with finality. Her words felt like a punch to the gut, yet another reminder of her regret.

"When are you leaving for your parents' house?" I changed the subject, running my hands across a row of bottles.

"I'm leaving tomorrow. My mom asked me to make it by four so we can have Christmas Eve dinner with the Blacks."

"And what else are they dragging you to this year?"

"I'm sure the force is having their annual holiday party on Christmas day, and then my mom is hosting her coworkers for some New Years cocktail party so i'm sure i'll be around. Besides that, i'm just planning on relaxing. Six whole days of doing nothing," she said blissfully. "Think you'll be ok without me?"

_No._

"I'll be fine. I always end up finding something to do," I smiled.

* * *

><p>"This is the worst," Bella groaned, scanning the pile of clothes that were scattered on her bed. I was leaning in the doorway looking on with amusement.<p>

"You're only staying until the 30th, why are you packing so much?"

"Because that's six days worth of outfits that I have to take. Just pick for me," she whined playfully, plopping down into the chair behind her.

I snorted, "There's no way in hell I'm getting roped into helping you pick. You ask me to help every time and then you talk shit about my choices when we're traveling. I have no sympathy for you."

"Please?" she begged, clasping her hands together and throwing me puppy eyes.

"You're wasting time," I ignored her plea. "You're supposed to be out of here by noon."

She pouted as she finished throwing the items into her bag. When the suitcase was ready I hauled it to the car, jamming the oversized piece of luggage into the back seat.

"Please be careful when you're lifting this. Don't put too much strain on yourself."

"Edward, i'll be fine. I'll ask my dad to help me."

"Promise?"

"I promise," she said, offering her pinky to me. I wrapped my own around hers and we pressed our thumbs together.

"Are you sure you're ok with telling your parents on your own? I feel bad that i'm not going to be there." I tightened our pinkies when she tried to pull away.

"No, it's fine," she waved me off, our hands dropping. "You need more time. I get it."

I grasped the back of her neck lightly with one hand and pulled her to me.

"Be careful, please. Let me know when you make it there safely," I requested, kissing the top of her head as she hugged me back, tucking herself into my side.

"Of course," she smiled up at me, one dimple and bright teeth.

I felt a rush of blood course through me.

She was flawless, and I was an idiot for ever turning her down.


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Thanks for your patience. I haven't given up on the story, I promise. Also, it is unbeta'd. All mistakes are my own. Enjoy.**

**Characters borrowed from S. Meyer**

Chapter 16:

Driving back to Forks was always a process. I didn't visit home as often as I'd promised I would when I moved to Seattle because the drive was so daunting, but the three and a half hour trip went by more quickly than I expected because I was pulling up to my childhood home before I realized where I was. The air was freezing and thick with impending rain, causing little puffs of smoke every time I exhaled. My mom didn't give me time to get out of the car before she was standing at the drivers side door waiting for me to get out.

I stepped out and hugged her tightly, inhaling the scent of her pomegranate shampoo and mint from her chewing gum.

"Praise the lord, my baby is finally home!" she yelled, squeezing slightly before releasing me.

I turned to see my dad standing in the doorway with the smallest smile on his face. I trooped through the yard and up the few steps of the front porch, throwing my arms around him. He wasn't an affectionate man but the longer I went without seeing him the more hugs I felt like giving him.

"Hey, Bells. Glad to see you finally put your truck to rest," he joked.

"She put herself to rest, dad. I had to upgrade," I called over my shoulder as I headed back to the car to collect my things. My mom helped by pulling out my purse and other small items while I grabbed the suitcase. When I reached the front steps my dad took over, trudging the piece of luggage up to the second story of the house.

Everything in my childhood bedroom was exactly as I remembered. Except tidier. Much tidier.

"Mom, you have to stop cleaning my room for me like I'm a guest," I complained. She squeezed passed me and dropped the items she was holding on the bed.

"I just straightened up a little bit. I didn't have to do much, I promise."

I took in my surroundings, noticing a few extra pillows and two Glade candles that were lit on the bedside tables.

"Candles, mom?" I pointed to the offending articles across the room.

She shrugged sheepishly and smiled.

"Just for the scent."

We made small talk as we unpacked my suitcase, dropping my clothes into the old wooden dresser by the window. Naturally, she asked how my work was going, and about Alice and Edward, or as she and everyone else in Forks called them, "the twins".

I heard my phone buzz from its place on the bed and leaned over just in time to see the last few seconds of a text from Edward displaying on the screen.

_Let me know when you make it there? _

I started to respond when my mom reminded me that we had to be at the Black's soon. I hardly had time to settle in and slip on a dress before I was whisked away. Sitting in the back seat of my mom's Honda made me feel like I was a child again, being dragged along to any and every event around town.

* * *

><p>When we pulled onto Mora Road and the Black's house came into view, every nostalgic feeling of my childhood crept up on me. The red house with cars parked haphazardly out front, the footpath that ran into the trees, the unmistakable smell of pine surrounding the property.<p>

Jacob Black sitting on the front porch.

I smiled and waved at him quickly, refusing to let my eyes linger over his lightly stubbled jaw or his arms in the button down he was wearing. I did my best to remind myself that he was like a sibling to me. One who looked hot as hell, might I add.

That was a new development...one that made me blush a little.

The house was booming and full of life when we arrived, light and laughter spilling out of the open windows.

I hugged everyone that I knew, and heard the all too common slew of "I've known you since you were this tall" and "you probably don't remember me, but…" stories. I smiled and greeted everyone as genuinely as I could, but my interest waned after a while. On top of meeting seemingly everyone who lived in Forks, I'd also answered the question "what are you doing with your life?" more times than I had the patience for.

Safe topics included my job, where I lived, and what my next vacation was going to be. I never mentioned the child I was expecting or the resident golden boy who had fathered it. The Cullens were a touchy subject in general. Adding to that would've caused hysteria, I was sure of it.

After dinner I excused myself to the back porch to get relief from the stuffiness in the house.

I was just about to check my phone when the sound of a door swinging open caught my attention. Jacob emerged a mere minute after me, hands in his pocket and a smile on his lips.

I smiled back at him, casting my eyes downward to keep from staring at him. The longer I looked, the creepier I felt.

"Well if it isn't Isabella Swan in the flesh."

"Hi, Jake," I smiled back, leaning in to hug him and actively choosing to ignore how muscular his chest felt. "How have you been?"

"I've been good. Keeping busy, working a lot. How have you been?" he asked, releasing me to lean against a column a few feet away from me.

"I've been really great. The universe has been treating me especially well lately."

"That's really good to hear," he nodded as he spoke. "I think you may have taken all the good fortune because things have been a little rough on my end lately."

"Oh no, what happened?" I asked, brows furrowed. Jacob wasn't the complaining type.

Jacob shook his head and let out a low chuckle.

"I'd bore you to sleep if I told you. Especially with all the tryptophan in your system," he laughed. "I saw you going _in _on that lamb earlier."

The most un-lady like snort escaped my lips. I covered my mouth, eyes wide. Jacob was laughing heartily, pulling my hands from my face.

"Poor lamb chop never stood a chance," he joked, causing me to punch him in the arm.

"Shut up, you haven't been stuck with Alice Cullen's turkey for the past few years. I'm not a fan, so finally having some real meat was too good to pass up. I swear that one of these days i'm going to get your dad to show me the recipe."

It was Jacob's turn to snort.

"That recipe is one of his best kept secrets so good luck."

"I'll get it one day," I said, wagging my finger.

"I'm surprised to see you here," he changed the subject after a slight lull in the conversation. "I thought Cullen might've been holding you hostage again this year."

Jacob hadn't liked Edward since high school. After that double date, when he confronted me about how I was treating him I told him about Edward's little stunt. From that point on Jacob would barely tolerate him. Eventually Edward had just stopped trying to talk to him altogether. Then had heard heard some of the rumors about Edward when we were in college, and the wedge between them grew, thus causing the discord that was so apparent to this day.

"Stop it, Jake, he hasn't been holding me hostage. I just decided to take a vacation. Figured I'd drop by and see what you were up to. Keep you in line," I deflected, wagging his chin between my thumb and forefinger. He pushed my hand away and made a face, his playful expression dropping seconds later.

"Bella, i'm serious. It's been too long."

I fiddled with my hands.

"I know. Things have just been a little crazy lately. I try to get back as much as I can but it's not always that simple to just drop everything."

"How long are you in town?" he questioned.

"I'm here until Monday, then i'm heading back for New Year's. I would stay longer but i've got to be back at work on Thursday. How long are you in town?"

"I'm leaving next weekend. Do you think we'll be able to hang out before then? Catch up, grab a burger."

"Yeah, of course," I said earnestly. "Catching up would be good. I heard that Slater runs a food truck now, we can stop by and check it out."

He grabbed my hand and squeezed.

"It's a date."

* * *

><p>My parents and I decorated the tree together when we got back from La Push that night. It was our Christmas tradition to watch Rudolph and decorate until midnight, at which point we'd open one gift each and head to bed. It was a tradition i'd missed out on for a few years, opting to spend the holidays in Seattle, but being back was exactly what I needed. For a short time I could be a kid again. Just my parents and I at home, being a family. The original three musketeers.<p>

Sometimes I wish it were still this simple.

I showered and snuggled down into my bed straight after our gift opening. I was pretty much useless after every holiday meal. The amount of food i'd gorged myself on when I wasn't pregnant was nothing compared to the amount I had eaten tonight. I could tell that I was going to have a son simply by the sheer amount of food I was always searching for. He was already turning out to be a bottomless pit.

I could finally tell that my baby bump was growing. Luckily, eating so much during the holidays had passed my true baby off as a food baby, but I could tell that I was getting too big to hide it.

I was in the middle of a book when I remembered Edward's text from earlier. I navigated back to his unread message from a few hours ago, which had now been joined by 2 more missed texts.

**_Let me know when you make it there?_**

**_Tweeting about Christmas Eve dinner doesn't count as letting me know you're safe._**

**_How many texts can someone send in a row before it gets stalkerish? I think I've hit my limit lol_**

I giggled at his last text and thumbed in his number by heart.

"You're alive," Edward scratchy voice whispered through the receiver.

"I am! I got in a little later than I thought I would so I basically had to rush to dinner. Did I wake you?"

I heard the rustling of sheets before he spoke again, "No, i'm awake. I've been awake, i've just been waiting for sleep to take hold."

"You're a terrible liar," I laughed, flipping on to my stomach. "Go back to sleep, don't let me keep you."

"No, it's fine," Edward responded quickly, "I want to talk to you."

I bit my lip and squeezed my eyes.

I was never good at saying no to him.

"How was dinner?" he continued.

"Dinner was good," I replied, "I ate so much lamb."

I heard him blow out a breath over the phone, "Shit, I forgot about that lamb. Hands down my favorite holiday leftovers, ever."

"Those were my leftovers, not yours. You can't count what doesn't belong to you."

"Whats your's is mine, B. And what's mine is ours," he said smugly. I'd used that phrase on him plenty of times to get what I wanted out of him. Food mostly. Ok, let's be honest, always food.

"This time there weren't any leftovers. I ate enough for the both of us. Well, all three of us actually. You, me, _and _the baby," I laughed.

"I like the sound of that," he pattered, "Not the part about you eating but the way you said you, me, and the baby. I love the way that sounds."

I grinned.

"Me, too."

We chatted aimlessly about our days, filling each other in on our Christmas Eve festivities. He told me how Jasper and Rose being in Texas had unintentionally gotten him stuck with his sister for the rest of the holidays. Without Jasper around Alice had commandeered my room, bringing enough stuff to last her until Jasper got back.

I told him about how I ran into Jacob and how I'd somehow agreed to a possible date. Obviously he wasn't thrilled about it, but he kept surprisingly quiet about me hanging out with him.

God knows what else we talked about in that time we were on the phone. At one point I looked at my phone to check my battery and caught sight of the time.

_2:01 AM_

"Holy crap, Edward, it's two in the morning!" I said through a yawn. Somehow looking at the time reminded me how tired I was, my eyes feeling instantaneously heavy.

"Oh wow, you're right. I didn't even notice," he said, groaning. That was a groan that I imagined only accompanied a good stretch. "Is it weird that I kind of don't want to stop talking to you, though?"

My heart jumped to my throat, butterflies riling in my stomach.

"Not at all. It would only be weird if I didn't feel like that, too."

Edward chuckled and continued, "You're right, though. It's late, and we've both got a lot to do tomorrow. Or, uh, today, I guess. By the way, how vintage Bella and Edward are we right now? Talking til all hours of the night like we're in high school again."

"I know," I stressed. "I had the same thought not even five minutes ago. Everything feels the same but it's so different. The only thing is that we don't have to go to school tomorrow."

"Right. and we're having a baby. _Together."_

I shook my head in amusement. He would not get over it.

"Who'd have thunk it?" I finished lamely. I was really channeling my Jessica Day.

A beat of silence passed before I spoke again.

"I'm really heading to bed now. I can barely keep my eyes open."

"Ok, go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow."

"You need to sleep too," I replied lazily.

"I would, but i'm having a bit of a hard time. I'd be able to sleep way better but something feels off."

My ears perked up, and a small shot of adrenaline ran through me.

"What's the matter?" I asked, shooting up in bed.

Edward laughed, "No, it's nothing bad, don't think that. It's just that this girl that I like is too far away. It feels a little weird to fall asleep without her."

My stomach flipped. He could not seriously be talking to me about his girl problems. It's like as soon as I thought we were getting to a reasonable place he throws stuff like this in my face.

But then the rational, best friend side of me kicks in, and supportive words spring to my tongue before I even mean for them to.

"Maybe you should be having your late night talks with her instead of me, then," I quipped. Just because I was being supportive of his choice to date other women didn't mean I had to be all smiles about it.

"Oh I am! I'm actually on the phone with her as we speak," he laughed.

I froze.

What the hell?

Was he talking about me?

"She's in Forks. It's complicated. I won't keep ya," his voice sounded like he was smiling.

I hated him.

And I fucking loved him.

"Are you flirting with me, Cullen?"

"I am. Is it working?"

"Good night, Edward," I said in a sing song voice, my smile stretching from ear to ear.

That bastard was flirting with me and I totally loved it.

"Fine, I'm hanging up now," I heard him say finally, the sound of a smile still in his voice.

"Oh and Merry Christmas," I called out before he hung up.

"Merry Christmas, gorgeous."

I woke up with the same smile plastered to my face the next morning.


End file.
